Is this right?!
Comments
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At best, I'm glad some other people are in the same situation as I.
* You can't split a 7 night week in two.
* You have to acknowledge that children are in school and routes with classes and schools dictate you can't chop and change nights every week so somehow create 7 nights a fortnight.
* 162 Nights a year should be the highest threshold because thats 3 nights during term time and 3.5 nights during holidays.
* There are people who use children as financial blackmail. A court order for the modern equivilent of 'joint custody' along with stipulated 3+ nights each should be considered as 50/50 and the person receiving payments shouldn't be 'asked' to be honest.0 -
I agree its not for the ex's partner to pay for my son. However i assume their bills are halved as in they pay 50% each. So straight away her living costs will be around 50% of mine. Bearing in mind she works and has a good job. - What she has is literally not relevant in the slightest. Whether she had hundreds or millions. You have a child, you pay what you can. (the government only sets out the minimum)
I pay full wack, as well as £160 every 4 week, although sometimes i have our son more than her in that time. - So pay the correct amount and nothing more. Your child can benefit more on you spending it directly on him.
Its easy to say ' you shouldnt buy clothes then as this is what maintenance is for' - I didn't say clothes, I said uniforms, child care, etc. but as a parent, when your son needs or wants something, you cant tell them no, and also risk being threatened that you wont see your son as much if you disagree. - then get a court order. And keep the clothes at your place.
Its not £39 per night she has him more, it effectivley works out at £639, for each of the 3 nights. If i was to have him 4 nights more in the year than what i am now, she would be the one who 'has' to pay. Though i wouldnt wish for any money from her. - No she shouldn't, because your maintenance covers the incidentals. Glasses, uniforms, sports clothes, clubs, etc.
The system is very unfair to fathers (or mothers) who are refused 50/50 custody by the other parent. - go to court. Personal Circumstances should defiantly be taken into account (not the ex's partners) when working out maintenance. She effiectivley gets £3000 for the privalege of having him 6 nights more than me a YEAR (inc CB) whilst I pay £2000 for it.
So no, its not fair.
Time to grow up a bit and stop worrying about 'fair'0 -
At best, I'm glad some other people are in the same situation as I.
* You can't split a 7 night week in two. - You can, there's 52 weeks, 26 each.
* You have to acknowledge that children are in school and routes with classes and schools dictate you can't chop and change nights every week so somehow create 7 nights a fortnight. - Ofcourse you can, you just choose not to.
* 162 Nights a year should be the highest threshold because thats 3 nights during term time and 3.5 nights during holidays. - petition your MP.
* There are people who use children as financial blackmail. A court order for the modern equivilent of 'joint custody' along with stipulated 3+ nights each should be considered as 50/50 and the person receiving payments shouldn't be 'asked' to be honest.
I don't understand what you mean they shouldn't be asked?0 -
I don't understand what you mean they shouldn't be asked?
In court, my ex stood up and told magistrates that I was physically abusive, that I gave them colds, caused them injuries, didn't support them in school work. The magistrates were reasonable enough to agree that this was all false and specifically state in the court order that she was unreasonable and unsupportive of the father's role.
Why would she be reasonable enough to tell them she doesn't want £3000 from me every year for the next 15 years?Ofcourse you can, you just choose not to.
No you cannot. I have spent approximately 300 hours with family lawyers as well as fellow parents and mediators. You cannot simply split a week in two, when you're considering the stability and routine of your children and forced into a fixed process through a court order for nearly 2 decades.
That's exactly the kind of pathetic response which shows you don't understand the situation whatever. That's the kind of response that belong with 'the mother SHOULD care for the children, not the father' and 'We need your money, not your time'. Why do you feel that I do not contribute financially directly to them every day and night they're in my care?You have a child, you pay what you can.
I have both. It doesn't change the situation when you have a court order. What on earth is your point?then get a court order. And keep the clothes at your place.
I pay for all of these. If I didn't she would (and HAS) said to them 'you can't go to football club because your father won't pay for it'. Do you suggest I behave the same as her and tell them that 'she is this and she is that'?- No she shouldn't, because your maintenance covers the incidentals. Glasses, uniforms, sports clothes, clubs, etc.0 -
Thanks for that.Time to grow up a bit and stop worrying about 'fair'0 -
I think many people are incapable of understanding a complicated situation and having any kind of balanced view. 10 second attention span?
People say 'just do 50/50' and have absolutely no consideration of how practical that is - especially when you are absolutely putting the lives of two little humans who can't decide and who are best shielded from the difficult situation we're all in, first. Putting 2 children first when the argument is against someone who is vengeful and motivated by personal financial gain.
I take your point on ignorant comments. And within about 10 seconds i've moved onto something more useful...
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In court, my ex stood up and told magistrates that I was physically abusive, that I gave them colds, caused them injuries, didn't support them in school work. The magistrates were reasonable enough to agree that this was all false and specifically state in the court order that she was unreasonable and unsupportive of the father's role. - Right. But there are people who are like that. You cant silence one partner, that's just shortsighted (and quite stupid, which you don't appear to be. I think you might want to take that back). It's unfortunate that your ex behaved this way, probably one of the reasons she's an ex.
Why would she be reasonable enough to tell them she doesn't want £3000 from me every year for the next 15 years?
- Because it's for your children. and because you chose her. Clearly the court didn't decide that you would be the better PWC, or they'd have ordered that.
No you cannot. I have spent approximately 300 hours with family lawyers as well as fellow parents and mediators. You cannot simply split a week in two, when you're considering the stability and routine of your children and forced into a fixed process through a court order for nearly 2 decades.
- Yes you can. There can be 7/7 care. There can be drop offs and pick ups split. It's possible. (you, plural, both parents, have chosen not to do so)
That's exactly the kind of pathetic response which shows you don't understand the situation whatever. That's the kind of response that belong with 'the mother SHOULD care for the children, not the father' and 'We need your money, not your time'. Why do you feel that I do not contribute financially directly to them every day and night they're in my care?
- Take a breath, relax. I'm a dad, and I've been split up from my children in the past. So saying I don't understand the situation is self centred and short sighted. The best placed parent should care for the child(ren). You do not financially contribute when they are in your care. You simply act as a parent when they are. It's not about the £££s. Maintenance is to be used for incidentals, as I previously explained. You don't need to get those, because you already pay for them via maintenance.
I have both. It doesn't change the situation when you have a court order. What on earth is your point?
- That both parents are entitled to have their child's belongings in the house. you don't need to send back the clothes they came in, with them.
I pay for all of these. If I didn't she would (and HAS) said to them 'you can't go to football club because your father won't pay for it'. Do you suggest I behave the same as her and tell them that 'she is this and she is that'?
Yes when they are older you should explain if they ask. If your paying for the football club, why don't you take them, in your time?0 -
That particular poster is good at that - they don't seem to understand that not everything in life is so black and white and that there are grey areas.
Myself and my OH are in a similar (although not the same) situation - in our case there is no contact whatsoever and every attempt has been blocked. So whilst I can't really offer any answers, I do agree that the system is completely unfair and hope that you can feel better in the knowledge that you are not the only one going through this.
Oh and for your own sanity, I would definitely advise that you simply ignore ignorant comments from people who simply do not understand
Yes I don't understand at all.
I mean I've been through it, fought non-mol orders (and won) done mediation, and all that.... but I don't understand this simple situation...0 -
I think many people are incapable of understanding a complicated situation and having any kind of balanced view. 10 second attention span?
People say 'just do 50/50' and have absolutely no consideration of how practical that is - especially when you are absolutely putting the lives of two little humans who can't decide and who are best shielded from the difficult situation we're all in, first. Putting 2 children first when the argument is against someone who is vengeful and motivated by personal financial gain.
I take your point on ignorant comments. And within about 10 seconds i've moved onto something more useful...
I didn't say do 50/50. You said that's what you wanted.
I'd say do about 9/5 per fortnight. - gives children the most stability.0
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