Advice needed

If you've been friends for 10 years and it only suddenly become an issue, then something has changed. Has your wife told you why it has become an issue?

Has the neighbour been single for the whole 10 years?

Perhaps she thinks your interest in this woman's child in unhealthy in some way?

henry24 wrote: »

I would like to keep her as my wife. It came out of the blue after all 4 off us had a day out. Only reason I cant agree is because I don't like being told what to do and would never tell her without a good reason. They are not more important to me than my wife I just enjoy my time with the child which may only be a couple of hours every 2 weeks it's not a daily thing

There could be good reason in her eyes. It sounds as though something happened on that day out, and maybe you didn't even pick up on it. It could be something as a minor as a shared look, or a joke that you and your friend shared, which your wife didn't get. How does the child react to you? If he/she is starting to treat you as a father-figure, that could be too close for comfort for your wife, and, in a way I understand it. You don't say whether you have children of your own, but if you haven't, this could be hitting a nerve with your wife.

Not many people do like to be told what to do, but I presume by the very fact that you're still married means that your wife doesn't make a habit of it; if she's done this out of the blue, either something major has happened to trigger it, or it's been an accumulation of things, and something minor has tipped her over the edge.

This may sound stupid, but have you actually asked your wife why she wants all contact severed? What has triggered it? Just taking the time to sit and listen, and perhaps reassure her could make all the difference. I've noticed in another post that the woman is 25 years younger than you; for many women this is the very thing that makes it more likely that they could be about to lose their husband: everyone has heard of the 'left for a younger woman' scenario. If you do try to reassure her, it needs to be along the lines of the reasons why you want to be with your wife, rather than why you couldn't be with the other woman.

henry24 wrote: »

This is one of the things i'm worried about if I give in now will something else happen later

It is not about ''giving in'' - that sounds like something a teenager would say! Not something a middle aged man would come out with

It is about doing the right thing, having respect for your wife, forsaking all others for her, wanting your wife to be comfortable, putting your wifes wishes above this other woman, not allowing your wife for one minute to feel second best, making compromise even though you don't agree with it, rather than digging your heels in and forcing the issue to be bigger than what (you say) it really is!

it is about being a man, a husband. Not a whiney child who cant get his own way about something that ''apparently'' is innocent, but you are prepared to make your wife miserable for...Hmmm this really has the markings of not being so innocent after all, if you ask me

Your wife is unhappy - why do you insist on continuing in a situation that is making her unhappy?