Real-life MMD: Party-pooping payment request - should I pay up?

It's a horrid idea which perverts the concept of hospitality and celebration. You throw a party, you are the host, you do NOT demand a contribution unless you are skint. BYOB is about the maximum for an adult celebration. What sort of people would consider humiliating a child and its family like this. Consumerist value at its worst. And it will probably lead to bullying 'Your mum couldn't afford it....' Whereas it's the demanding party giver who should be pilloried.

I agree with the consensus of 'No', this trend is not ok and the already pointed out differences between a Birthday party and an event. I too had parties from creative at home to laser quest and cinema, the latter only for a limited amount of friends and sometimes skimped on my present(s) (e.g. if I really really wanted something would I be ok with a smaller Birthday present this year). I was very sad when in a group of 3 friends one didn't show for a cinema trip as she couldn't afford to get me a present.

Some point out the communication option of 'check with parents FIRST if they're open to the idea' but this would possibly be more suitable as an event in addition to a basic Birthday party. that way, everybody that's invited can go to the Birthday party and the event's an extra (on a different day?) for those that can afford it.

Finally, I've been to an adult Birthday a while ago where we were asked to pay for some activities, but it was kindly requested and not required for attendance and it was communicated with possible influence from start to finish. It was my partner's friend and I chose to pay for myself. We went indoor skydiving and snowboarding, it was definitely worth the experience.

Sadly I am the sort of person who whilst ev1 else mumbles and complains quietly-very British, goes straight to the source and says what I think. Obviously in the nicest way possible. Amazing the number of times I bring something up, in school with other parents, etc and I am the first, but suddenly ev1 else chips in and agrees with me lol. Sometimes it takes someone calling things how they see them to let other less confident people stop muttering under their breath and say the same thing.

I can see if it was teenagers and a small group of friends going on a trip somewhere that the parents of the child might ask for say the entry costs or simular, BUT no way should this be on an invite, I would expect the parents to chat to us before hand and it be a much more casual arrangement.

A formal party invite is just that an invite to a party FULLY paid and provided by the host and their family.

We always look at what we can afford each year for each child and have done the ones in play areas and limited numbers or at home/in a cheap local hall and allowed higher numbers. TBH its not bullying unless ev1 in a class was invited but say one or two.

The kids always seemed to enjoy the home traditional parties the most, and definately a theme and plenty of planning makes them go the smoothest.

If any of mine got a basic party invite with a demand for payment I would be either phoning or speaking to the other parents face to face straight away. Not in an angry or aggressive way, but I would be honest and say I was gobsmacked to be asked for money towards a childs party and how odd I considered it to be. There might just be a specific reason, but I doubt it. Thinking about it the best place would be face to face on the playground as I'll bet suddenly a load of other parents will turn around and say how odd they thought it as well. That will make sure no other parents think its a good idea and jump on the bandwagon.

My bet would be on some kind of "deal" with a party venue where you get so many tickets free and perhaps a free cake if you invite a certain number of children and charge them.

I would definately make it clear if I was declining that it wasn't because I could or could not afford it, but entirely because charging party guests is simply wrong.

A good life lesson for kids is to be honest and upfront with what you think and tell people he truth. If a handful of parents simply say they won't attend with no reason and the rest simply follow like sheep and pay up, this will become the norm, nip it in the bud and stop it now.

A case in point was the little girl in DD1's class who used to get party invites and never attend, but then threw her own in a small hall with homemade food and crafts. I had a little chat with Mum and she said her little girl had some food allergies so she just avoided parties where she couldn't control the food. I suggested she could come to DD1's party in a few weeks time and bring her own "packed lunch" as we were doing a teddies bears picnic theme anyway.

Suddenly she was able to go to other parties and always took her own food lol. Why oh why won't people just speak up.

Ali x