Real-life MMD: Should I pay to see my girlfriend?

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  • Ivrytwr3
    Ivrytwr3 Posts: 6,278
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    i don't see the relatioship lasting if you're arguing about money to actually visit - you don't want to pay, neither does she, it sounds like neither of you are particularly bothered.

    I used to travel from Germany to the UK on a weekend and i honestly never thought about asking OH for cash - but i did make her pay in many other ways ;)
  • If its serious she will want to come home sometime too. You shouldnt ask her to pay half. Either you make the decision to see her less or you cough up.
    I lived away at uni for 3 years and at the time couldnt drive. My boyfriend (now fiance) drove down to see me one weekend in 3 and only every other 3 weekends, because I went home. (ie. weekend 1 - uni, weekend 2 - uni, weekend 3 - he visits, weekend 4 - uni, weekend 5- uni, weekend 6 - I go home). And that cost me more in train fares then him in petrol but that is not the issue.

    And this might be harsh but: If you're falling out over the cost of seeing each other, it probably isn't going to work in the long run.
    :jTaking control of my finances:j
  • I have to say I agree with the others. If you're not happy to pay to go see her and she's not happy to contribute to see you then there are deeper issues than the money one.

    My boyfriend and I lived and worked over an hour apart for the first two years of our relationship. Plus I didn't drive. We did a LOT of back and forth, sometimes I would be doing a 1.5hr bus ride after a 12hr night shift to go and see him. Likewise sometimes he would drive across at 5am to pick me up from work, spend 2hrs with me then drive back to go to work! I was flat broke (paying off 16k of debt) but I never once resented the money to see him. Likewise he sold his beloved car to buy a more economical diesel because of the miles he was doing coming to see me.

    Compromise and sacrifice for the greater good (ie. Seeing each other) should come naturally to you both. I would be wondering why you feel resentment about spending money to see her, rather than wondering whether she should pay.
    :D DEBT FREE 3rd Sept 2011 :D
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  • Although I agree with the others that you could go less often, there's going to be lots of boys at uni who would be willing to put some effort in if you weren't...
  • skizz_b
    skizz_b Posts: 177 Forumite
    Seeing her every week will get irksome if only because of the travel involved (not the price). Start off seeing her every other week and see how that goes. In a situation like this I'd look at the logistics of the relationship before worrying about the price of it.
    If my post has been helpful, please click Thanks!
  • Ivrytwr3 wrote: »
    I used to travel from Germany to the UK on a weekend and i honestly never thought about asking OH for cash - but i did make her pay in many other ways ;)

    And this is what it really comes down to...
  • If you are earning and she isn't, then it is not unreasonable that you bear a bigger share of the cost. If you cannot afford that, talk to her, see whether she offers to help and then perhaps see her slightly less often.

    How much do you care about her? If it is serious, then the money would not be causing you too much heartbreak. When I first went out with my now wife of 19 years, she was studying in Italy while I was earning in the UK, so I was the one who paid for numerous flights to Turin for the weekend. I'd rather not have spent that much money, but it was worth it. When my father was first going out with my mother, now his wife of 52 years, she was living in Paris and because he couldn't afford the kind of hotel that would allow him back in late at night, he slept under bridges to avoid missing out on his time with her.

    That's dedication: if she looks like a keeper, then make some sacrifices.
  • how about you pay to see her then she provides the food while you are there?
  • Either your girlfriend is worth paying to visit or not. The choice is yours. Try alternate weekends or a long weekend each month. If it is meant to be it will survive :)if not ........:(
  • I also moved away to study, I see my fiance every other weekend, most of the time he comes to see me (he is in a well paid job though) but I still make the effort to go back and see him. It shouldn't 100% be on you but remember that whilst your there she has to cater for two which costs money.
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