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    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    • 771Posts
    • 2,246Thanks
    debtaghh
    I want to stop drowning
    • #1
    • 27th Jul 16, 10:00 AM
    I want to stop drowning 27th Jul 16 at 10:00 AM
    Hi,

    I am not sure where to start or what I want from this but here goes ...

    We are in major debt and things seem to be getting worse, I have been looking at this site for years and know there is no point me posting my soa as we literally can't cut back any more e.g

    food shop for fam of 5 £240- if you can help me reduce this then that would be great. I shop at Aldi, Lidl etc and have most shops locally.
    We just got rid of sky and have reduced mobiles, gas etc.

    We can't do an iva or dmp etc as we are in rented accomadation and I know estate agents can use guarantors etc but we don't have one plus they are not that keen as I have mentioned it before to them. Where we live , it's really hard to rent as there are limited properties and having bad credit would just go against us which we really can't do.

    Our biggest issues are that I do things that I end up regretting e.g booking holidays in the uk which still add up, book parties for the kids etc. I don't know how we got into so much debt but assume it must be down to this and i've never been on a good salary. My business has been hit badly and never recovered. I'm currently looking for a part time job but can't see this happening soon as I need it to be enough salary to cover childcare for my baby. My husband is on a good salary but works shifts which means I can't rely on him for childcare help and we don't have any family that can help us. I've tried working for direct selling companies and sell things on music magpie, ebay and gumtree ( I literally have nothing else to sell). I use cashbaack sites too and did do surverys but never seem to be eligible but will stary back with that- any recommendations for good ones? Or any ideas of making more money from home?

    We are due to go away soon and I would love to have advice on how we can save money on food whilst staying at a hotel, I thought I will bring snacks from home and croissants, drink cartons for breakfast but don't want to be speending loads on lunch and dinners.

    I also feel pressure from my family when it comes to birthdays and christmas time with regards to buying expensive pressies. We have a holiday booked at christmas too ( I know not ideal).

    I supoose I'm writng this to start afresh as I can't carry on like this anymore. I am severly depressed and wake up exhausted every day and have no motivation to do anything. I feel like we are drowing in debt. I am currently receiving cbt but in all honesty the crux of the situation is the debt is the issue. I'm sick of having regrets and living life like this so fingers crossed to new me, it' going to take years but here goes.....
Page 1
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 27th Jul 16, 10:39 AM
    • 771 Posts
    • 2,246 Thanks
    debtaghh
    • #2
    • 27th Jul 16, 10:39 AM
    • #2
    • 27th Jul 16, 10:39 AM
    Day 1:

    I am going to look for survey sites, take a look at finances and see where I can cut back on present spending and holiday money spending.

    I am taking my son to his friend's house so should be a nsd ( have chocs already to bring with me)

    List a few baby items on gumtree and I will see if there is anything else I can sell.

    I need to also write a meal plan and try using what's in the cupboard.
    • Grunge girl
    • By Grunge girl 27th Jul 16, 12:24 PM
    • 14 Posts
    • 41 Thanks
    Grunge girl
    • #3
    • 27th Jul 16, 12:24 PM
    • #3
    • 27th Jul 16, 12:24 PM
    Hello, it sounds that you're overwhelmed by it all but putting it down on your diary is a start to try and sort things out. I may not be much help because i am new on here just begun writing my diary last week but already it's making a difference. I am thinking before i spend on anything which i wasn't doing at all before. I am sure others on here will offer great advice.
    I have been away before without a lot of spending money though. Whilst the weathers good u can have picnic lunches. Take some paper plates and some cutlery with you it's quite cheep to buy french sticks and tub of soft cheese or similar and filling. It's hard when you go away isn't it the cost of eating out soon adds up!
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 27th Jul 16, 1:25 PM
    • 771 Posts
    • 2,246 Thanks
    debtaghh
    • #4
    • 27th Jul 16, 1:25 PM
    • #4
    • 27th Jul 16, 1:25 PM
    Hello, it sounds that you're overwhelmed by it all but putting it down on your diary is a start to try and sort things out. I may not be much help because i am new on here just begun writing my diary last week but already it's making a difference. I am thinking before i spend on anything which i wasn't doing at all before. I am sure others on here will offer great advice.
    I have been away before without a lot of spending money though. Whilst the weathers good u can have picnic lunches. Take some paper plates and some cutlery with you it's quite cheep to buy french sticks and tub of soft cheese or similar and filling. It's hard when you go away isn't it the cost of eating out soon adds up!
    Originally posted by Grunge girl

    Thanks for your reply Grunge girl and good idea about taking paper plates and cutlery as we can pop to a supermarket daily. Def feeling overwhelmed but glad to hear you are finding your diary is helping- I will try and find yours and subscribe.

    I feel I have already had a productive few hours as I have listed 10 items on gumtree, meal planned and may have a buyer for our car we should find out later if we do. We have been thinking about selling it for a while as is worth approx £9k so seems silly being depressed about debt when we have £9k sitting on the street. We would still have to buy another car for approx £3k but still should be able to pay a lump sum off debt and maybe keep 1k as an emergency fund as we have nothing.
    • beecher2
    • By beecher2 27th Jul 16, 1:31 PM
    • 3,620 Posts
    • 4,653 Thanks
    beecher2
    • #5
    • 27th Jul 16, 1:31 PM
    • #5
    • 27th Jul 16, 1:31 PM
    Would still say you should post a Statement of Affairs as sometimes someone else can see something you maybe haven't thought of. People can also give help on which debt to tackle first etc.
    • Kitten868
    • By Kitten868 27th Jul 16, 7:32 PM
    • 837 Posts
    • 1,679 Thanks
    Kitten868
    • #6
    • 27th Jul 16, 7:32 PM
    • #6
    • 27th Jul 16, 7:32 PM
    First step for you is make a budget and stick to it. Even if it means just minimum payments to credit cards. Just getting a control on money can be so liberating. Plus that way every month your debt is getting smaller every month even if just by a little bit. I have one account for spending and one for bills so I can't accidentally spend my bills money. Just learning what £100 buys has made a real impact to me, using credit cards meant I had no concept of money.
    You don't need to be debt free to relax you just need to be in control and know you can do this. You'll get there soon xxxx
    Loan 1 £7100/£8000
    Loan 2 £5100/£5800
    Total £12200/£13800 12% PAID
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 27th Jul 16, 7:51 PM
    • 771 Posts
    • 2,246 Thanks
    debtaghh
    • #7
    • 27th Jul 16, 7:51 PM
    • #7
    • 27th Jul 16, 7:51 PM
    Thanks for your replies. I think I'm ashamed to put my soa on here and all credit cards are on 0% or 6.9% for the life of the balance apart from one which is the one we will clear if the car sells.

    I def think I will start to feel better seeing it go down and it being managable, we only pay the minimums but even that is becoming a struggle. I am hoping if the car sells this will make our minimums lower as we will be clearing some debt.

    The guy has offered to buy the car but needs to check it first so hopefully by the weekend we should know more.

    What survery sites would people recommend?
    Can anyone feed a family of 5 for less than £240 per month?

    Thanks for all your advice so far.
    • tori.k
    • By tori.k 27th Jul 16, 9:23 PM
    • 2,895 Posts
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    tori.k
    • #8
    • 27th Jul 16, 9:23 PM
    • #8
    • 27th Jul 16, 9:23 PM
    You have nothing to be ashamed about, we all have different needs and wants

    Im amazed you can feed a family of 5 for £240PM what a boss that's my budget for 2.5 adults and two of us are veggies. I would say you'd be hard pressed to reduce that without impacting on health and debt is never worth that.
    Have you looked at snowballing your debts even a few extra pounds can make all the difference www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

    Best of luck
    Debit to Credit (stage 1) 3652.34 completed 15/10/16
    Debit to Credit (stage 2) 6299.09 completed 25/06/17
    Last Castle 150,000/ 25300
    • smallholdingsister
    • By smallholdingsister 28th Jul 16, 6:47 AM
    • 3,532 Posts
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    smallholdingsister
    • #9
    • 28th Jul 16, 6:47 AM
    • #9
    • 28th Jul 16, 6:47 AM
    Do you HAVE to go away?
    Can't you cancel if you can't afford it?

    What work would be possible around your husband's shifts?

    I would go out cleaning/babysitting/dog walking if I had to. Can you do those?
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 28th Jul 16, 6:57 AM
    • 771 Posts
    • 2,246 Thanks
    debtaghh
    I will look at snowballing, thanks.

    Had a lovely afternoon yesterday and didn't spend a penny.

    I've woken up feeling a bit unsettled about this car situation. I suppose I am a bit gutted as we have never owned a new car and this was the first time. I also worked out that once buying another car it will only save £100 per month ( I say only as it would have been nice if it could have been more).

    Do people think we should sell and clear approx £6k of debt and buy a seconhand car which could potentailly have issues? How much do you think we should spend on a seconhand reliable car?

    Will try and be positive and play around with figures again ( I seem to do this daily, not really sure what I expect to achieve).

    Will log on to a survey site as yesterday it was down and will try finding other ones,

    I watched eat well for less last night and it amazes me how much they still spent even with the savings but I do find it enjoyable to watch and learn a few tips, I will also try and reserve the book they advertised from the library,

    Will attempt to look for more jobs but because I look daily it seems to be the same jobs up. I think in September I will focus more on job hunting and sorting my Cv out because I stlll have my business ( if you call it that, no sales since sun) and the chn will be back to school.
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 28th Jul 16, 7:11 AM
    • 771 Posts
    • 2,246 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Do you HAVE to go away?
    Can't you cancel if you can't afford it?

    What work would be possible around your husband's shifts?

    I would go out cleaning/babysitting/dog walking if I had to. Can you do those?
    Originally posted by smallholdingsister

    I've looked into cancelling and we would lose all our money
    My husband's shift changes and on the day he could find out he is staying hours later so I really can't rely on him.

    I'm happy to do most jobs but the problem I have is it needs to be enough money to cover childcare.
    • smallholdingsister
    • By smallholdingsister 28th Jul 16, 8:49 AM
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    smallholdingsister
    I was thinking dovetail your work with his so you work when he doesn't.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 28th Jul 16, 9:11 AM
    • 15,285 Posts
    • 38,369 Thanks
    elsien
    our biggest issues are that I do things that I end up regretting e.g booking holidays in the uk which still add up, book parties for the kids etc. I don't know how we got into so much debt but assume it must be down to this and i've never been on a good salary..
    Originally posted by debtaghh
    This seems to me to be the one you need to address, otherwise you're just fiddling around the edges of the debt.
    So are you able to identify to yourself the reasons - to cheer yourself up, because you don't want the kids to miss out, because you find it hard to tell people you can't afford it?
    Once you know the motivators, you can start to do something about it - smaller, cheaper, regular treats for example. Or a cheaper caravan holiday rather than a hotel.
    Can you work out from your bank statements how much you've spent on these areas in the last 12 months - if it's more than you think that might help you to focus on cutting it back a bit.

    Try the OS board for your food budget ideas.
    Surveys - populus pay cash and although less regular the surveys can be up to £4 each.

    ETA - is your husband fully on board with the need to cut back? So when you're looking at the bigger spends is he saying we can't afford it or is he going along with it? Working together you can give checks and balances for each other.
    Last edited by elsien; 28-07-2016 at 9:17 AM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 28th Jul 16, 9:52 AM
    • 771 Posts
    • 2,246 Thanks
    debtaghh
    This seems to me to be the one you need to address, otherwise you're just fiddling around the edges of the debt.
    So are you able to identify to yourself the reasons - to cheer yourself up, because you don't want the kids to miss out, because you find it hard to tell people you can't afford it?
    Once you know the motivators, you can start to do something about it - smaller, cheaper, regular treats for example. Or a cheaper caravan holiday rather than a hotel.
    Can you work out from your bank statements how much you've spent on these areas in the last 12 months - if it's more than you think that might help you to focus on cutting it back a bit.

    Try the OS board for your food budget ideas.
    Surveys - populus pay cash and although less regular the surveys can be up to £4 each.

    ETA - is your husband fully on board with the need to cut back? So when you're looking at the bigger spends is he saying we can't afford it or is he going along with it? Working together you can give checks and balances for each other.
    Originally posted by elsien

    I think you have got it spot on, I do it as I feel down and because I feel like the kids shouldn't miss out which I know is wrong as they would be happy with just playing etc. When I say hotel we are staying at the cheaper hotels £30 per night but know we shouldn't have booked anything at all this year and it's ended up being ridiculous with mini breaks! I know how much we have spent and it's ridiculous as we have booked more expensive breaks ontop of the cheap ones prob £5k if you include the fuel to get to these places.

    I have just signed up to two survey sites and reserved some books from the library, I used to enjoy reading but haven't done it ages so will be good to start back up with that.

    My husband is fully on board and it's me the issue. I'm not taking all the blame as he has always relunctatly agreed things and may fritter money on other things in the past e.g expensive camera, car etc plus he had small debt when we met and we had chn very young.

    I know we have made mistakes and the aim of this diary is for me not to do it again! I put my soa on here years ago and then deleted it and feel things just got worse but this will change!

    I will def look at the OS board again and need to think of cheaper, healtheir dinners. If I could cut my £240 food shop that would be great.

    Does anyone know when in August we get our Tesco points? I am due quite a few as I transfer my cashback into points and am thinking I could use these whilst I'm away for restaurant vouchers.
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 28th Jul 16, 10:53 PM
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    debtaghh
    Had another busy day, time seems to fly! My dad randomly gave me £20 which was kind of him so that was a nice surprise. I did spend some money today as went to some bargain shops that we don't have locally but bought food for the cupboards. I have changed my plans for tomorrow which would have involved spending money so instead we are going to stay at home and watch a DVD and have popcorn and other snacks.

    I looked again at what credit cards we would clear if we sold the car and worked out our minimums would be £140 less which would make a difference. I also had a few sales today.
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 29th Jul 16, 6:38 AM
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    debtaghh
    Plans for today is to : clean bathroom surfaces, put the washing away, check if I have any surveys waiting for me on the two sites I signed up to yesterday, empty the dishwasher, attend cbt appt( feeling anxious about it and have been tempted to cancel it), check accounts and post item. Hopefully then chill with the chn whilst watching a DVD.

    We are hopefully showing the garage our car today so fingers crossed they want it. Really wish I could make a pad on the credit cards but then will leave me short, I could put £10 out of the money my dad gave me as that wasn't expected. Not sure how much to budget for food or fuel for 10 days away and aprrox 1000 miles of fuel
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 29th Jul 16, 2:50 PM
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    debtaghh
    I have managed to do nearly all my tasks apart from the bathroom surfaces. Cbt was ok and I think I will continue. I decided to make a payment of £15 towards one of my cc as I wasn't expecting that money from my dad. I now realise why I stopped doing surveys!
    • tori.k
    • By tori.k 29th Jul 16, 10:35 PM
    • 2,895 Posts
    • 6,514 Thanks
    tori.k
    When my kids were little I found taxi driving worked best when trying to work around a shift pattern. I never got on with doing surveys either spend ages then find I was kicked off. so gave up.
    Good luck if you decide to sell the car, we sold one back in May was a total nightmare to do, usually we just trade in but hubby now has a work van so his car just sitting there unused.
    Debit to Credit (stage 1) 3652.34 completed 15/10/16
    Debit to Credit (stage 2) 6299.09 completed 25/06/17
    Last Castle 150,000/ 25300
    • debtaghh
    • By debtaghh 30th Jul 16, 6:22 AM
    • 771 Posts
    • 2,246 Thanks
    debtaghh
    Morning all,

    Part of the reason why I have cbt is for anxiety , I don't think I could be a taxi driver as I would worry about being in a car on my own with strangers . If not that would be a great idea, thanks.

    I had a savings scheme set up for £10 per month that I only got due to the incentive of getting Amazon vouchers and finally got round to cancelling yesterday. That's a saving of £10 per month plus a £119 refund.

    I am having doubts about selling the car and worry that we will end up buying a problematic car. We showed the guy at the garage our car who will let us know Monday exact figures but the most we could clear of debt would be £5k.

    Had a couple of small sales yesterday which is better than nothing and resisted a takeaway that I wanted.

    Have people over today so staying in but don't think I will have a lot of time to do much money saving things apart from
    the fact of not spending any!
    • Kitten868
    • By Kitten868 30th Jul 16, 6:52 AM
    • 837 Posts
    • 1,679 Thanks
    Kitten868
    My point was don't rush to cut back. Just focus on whether you actually spend what you think you spend. Once you've sorted how much you spend you can start cutting back. I appreciate it's a tricky time with all that you have booked.
    I found that surveys don't really work for me. I'm still ploughing through for my £40 and £50 payout on two sites but I've given up. Selling all my stuff has been great. Made so much money quickly and easily.
    Keep going xxx
    Loan 1 £7100/£8000
    Loan 2 £5100/£5800
    Total £12200/£13800 12% PAID
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