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  • FIRST POST
    • Fledgling40
    • By Fledgling40 11th Nov 17, 11:51 AM
    • 6Posts
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    Fledgling40
    Frivolous, ageing parent - financial advice
    • #1
    • 11th Nov 17, 11:51 AM
    Frivolous, ageing parent - financial advice 11th Nov 17 at 11:51 AM
    Hi, hoping I can get some advice.

    My mum is around 10 years away from retirement and has no formal plans, savings or substantial pension.

    What she does have is about 4 years of a pension, a pot of money from downsizing mortgage free (it’s prob less than £50k) and no job atm due to relocation.

    From her perspective she’s more affluent than she’s ever been and whilst being out of work she’s getting very spendy. Every time I see her there’s a new item in her house or that she’s wearing, or waiting for delivery of.

    She’s not worried due to the cash sat in her bank, but she could easily live another 30 years. And there’s no contingency for illness, or anything else that could happen.

    I’m really worried about her. I’d like her to get IFE but a quick look online I get quotes of £500 fees. She can be very shortsighted/tight and doesn’t seem to understand what benefits and peace of mind she’ll get from getting advice. She just seems to think so long as she can cover the bills she’ll be fine.

    Am I missing any support I can direct her too?
Page 3
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 14th Nov 17, 1:06 AM
    • 954 Posts
    • 989 Thanks
    badmemory
    and she’ll often provocatively tell me she’ll just move into mine.
    Originally posted by Fledgling40
    Having read this I suspect she may have realised your negative opinion of her & is "yanking your chain".
    • Fledgling40
    • By Fledgling40 14th Nov 17, 8:54 PM
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    Fledgling40
    Badmemory, absolutely and I think she does think she’s joking at this point. But the reality is that every suggestion I’ve given her so far from this thread, she could not give me an answer. For example she’s over the moon about JSA, she could have had for 3+ months by now but in her words she hadn’t “bothered to check”. And when I really press the issue she claims that selling her house is the only option she’s really thought through, even thought she admits she does not ever plan/want to.

    I do have more information but there’s only a certain level I’m comfortable sharing online. I came here for advice on third party options I could direct her too. I realise it’s not really my business and she is an adult. So I would much prefer to be able to guide her to independent advice. I’m not looking to school my own mother, despite most peoples opinion of me on this thread I do genuinely want to help her!
    • LHW99
    • By LHW99 14th Nov 17, 9:55 PM
    • 966 Posts
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    LHW99
    One thing I did used to do for both my mum & my parents-in-law (when they eventually asked for some help) was to type up a list of what savings / pensions they had, and an approximate value, and updated it every 6 months or so.
    They had a copy, I had a copy. If I saw they had something in an account where they could get better interest elsewhere, I could give them a reminder, and help gett ing forms if they took up the suggestion. The aim was for a light touch initially and as they got used to / trusted what I said, then I could offer extra suggestions, and help in applying for any benefits etc they were missing. In my mum's case (a long time ago now) I helped her convince her fairly small employer that she could make extra payments into her pension without causing them any issues, which really helped her when she did retire.
    Sometimes when people have been running things independently all their life, its actually quite a threatening feeling for anyone, even a close relative, to offer to look into their finances. At one time, finance was an area that rarely got discussed outside the husband / wife relationship, and sometimes not even there.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 15th Nov 17, 12:15 AM
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    badmemory
    She hadn't bothered to check about JSA because if you google it you can keep coming up with the answer that it is not available if you have savings. You can even get that answer if you speak to them & even get told that when you sign on. That is why I mentioned it in my post. So many people have been mislead like this that it has become almost a deliberate act to STOP people from claiming. After all if you don't claim you are not unemployed & so are not on the unemployment figures. I am sure they would never try to rig them!

    So she took that seriously then? Good, very pleased to hear it.

    Incidently, just signing on, even if with no payment due (perhaps because the contribution based has expired) would give NI credits which would add to her pension.
    Last edited by badmemory; 15-11-2017 at 12:17 AM.
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 15th Nov 17, 10:24 AM
    • 3,316 Posts
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    Malthusian
    I do have more information but there’s only a certain level I’m comfortable sharing online. I came here for advice on third party options I could direct her too. I realise it’s not really my business and she is an adult. So I would much prefer to be able to guide her to independent advice.
    Originally posted by Fledgling40
    She doesn't have enough money for it to be worthwhile to see an IFA, and people generally only go to Citizens Advice when they are up !!!! creek. A visit to PensionWise may be worthwhile but I don't think it's exactly what you have in mind, as they are focused more on talking people through their options with pension funds than providing cashflow planning / life coaching.

    You haven't said anything that indicates that a full State Pension won't be enough to live on - although she does need to make sure she gets a State Pension Statement and applies for ESA to ensure that she is still getting NI credits. (Plus she also has whatever this small private pension is.)

    She could eke out her £50k over the next 12 years to bring her to State Pension Age, or spend it in six years and then be forced back to work for the other six, or blow the lot in a year and go back to work. Either way she is not going to end up in the workhouse.

    I understand your desire to help your mother but the fact that she has £50k in the bank means she needs less help from you, not more. If you have a burning desire to help people who have financial problems then why not ask your local branch of Citizens Advice if they need volunteers, and give help to people who really need it?
    • edinburgher
    • By edinburgher 15th Nov 17, 10:50 AM
    • 10,747 Posts
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    edinburgher
    I understand your desire to help your mother but the fact that she has £50k in the bank means she needs less help from you, not more. If you have a burning desire to help people who have financial problems then why not ask your local branch of Citizens Advice if they need volunteers, and give help to people who really need it?
    I don't agree, she only has £50k as she has downsized/relocated. It's a one off source of funds and OP would appear to be genuinely concerned about mother's ability to manage her money and/or lifestyle.

    Trying not to project, but I have a spendthrift relative who will likely be in the same boat in not so very long and I have no idea what we'll need to do as a family to prevent them from having a miserable couple of decades in retirement.
    • BobQ
    • By BobQ 18th Nov 17, 12:13 AM
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    BobQ
    I don't agree, she only has £50k as she has downsized/relocated. It's a one off source of funds and OP would appear to be genuinely concerned about mother's ability to manage her money and/or lifestyle.

    Trying not to project, but I have a spendthrift relative who will likely be in the same boat in not so very long and I have no idea what we'll need to do as a family to prevent them from having a miserable couple of decades in retirement.
    Originally posted by edinburgher
    The OP does not know the financial position of his mother. But he is quite willing to try to run her life for her.
    Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are incapable of forming such opinions.
    • badmemory
    • By badmemory 18th Nov 17, 1:06 AM
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    badmemory
    What I would like to know is why the OPs mother left her job, relocated and downsized & what order those choices came in. That is 3 big changes in one go. So downsized because children no longer at home & the upkeep, costs, cleaning etc has become a pain? Relocated - to be near elderly (ageing?) parents or grandchildren or just because she could to somewhere else other than where she was? As for leaving the job, didn't need the money, felt she was needed more elsewhere? Who knows because the OP isn't going to tell us.
    • BobQ
    • By BobQ 18th Nov 17, 9:18 PM
    • 9,800 Posts
    • 12,746 Thanks
    BobQ
    What I would like to know is why the OPs mother left her job, relocated and downsized & what order those choices came in. That is 3 big changes in one go. So downsized because children no longer at home & the upkeep, costs, cleaning etc has become a pain? Relocated - to be near elderly (ageing?) parents or grandchildren or just because she could to somewhere else other than where she was? As for leaving the job, didn't need the money, felt she was needed more elsewhere? Who knows because the OP isn't going to tell us.
    Originally posted by badmemory
    The OP may not even know that his mother has say inherited other money or won the lottery. Not everyone would tell others.
    Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are incapable of forming such opinions.
    • BobQ
    • By BobQ 20th Nov 17, 10:25 PM
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    BobQ
    But the reality is that every suggestion I’ve given her so far from this thread, she could not give me an answer. For example she’s over the moon about JSA, she could have had for 3+ months by now but in her words she hadn’t “bothered to check”. And when I really press the issue she claims that selling her house is the only option she’s really thought through, even thought she admits she does not ever plan/want to.
    Originally posted by Fledgling40
    If you are correct that she is in some form of denial the message I would take is:

    If she has near to £50K its worth signing on to get pension credits to boost the number of qualifying years.

    Whatever she has (which could involve debts?) its still worth signing on as she might then get JSA, will get extra contribution credits, and they will offer help in finding a job.

    Visiting CAB wil give her some independent advice for free whereas an IFA is not going to be interested.

    I do have more information but there’s only a certain level I’m comfortable sharing online. I came here for advice on third party options I could direct her too. I realise it’s not really my business and she is an adult. So I would much prefer to be able to guide her to independent advice. I’m not looking to school my own mother, despite most peoples opinion of me on this thread I do genuinely want to help her!
    Taking this at face value you need to get her to focus on specific things and signing on and CAB would be good to start.
    Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are incapable of forming such opinions.
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 21st Nov 17, 1:00 PM
    • 1,236 Posts
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    pearl123
    Being in their 50's can be quite liberating for women. Often they are no longer tied to children. Cheesed off with several decades of housework and cooking.

    I know a women who's separated from her husband and at 59 is just burning through money. She does even care about having a roof over here head. It's all about the adventure rather the practicalities.

    All you can do is reminder your mother that old age will turn up and that it is likely to be scary for her unless she puts something aside.
    I think a lot of women in this middle age bracket are in denial that old age is round the corner.
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