early 40s and not fabulous at all

plush_2 · 20 September 2017 at 2:41PM

I'm not entirely sure how I ended up here... I don't mean the forum, I used it several years ago when I bought my flat and it's an invaluable resource. I mean with £14K credit card debt and nothing to show for it, and virtually no savings. Also single, mildly depressed and 15-20 lbs heavier than I should probably be.

I don't understand why I'm unable to leave this vicious circle. I'm healthy - physically anyway - I have a healthy and happy child, family, some friends, a decent job, my own flat (mortgaged, but I'd pay more if I were to rent it, we're in greater London). Compared to many people I don't have big problems, yet I feel like s__t most of the time, don't sleep well, and plus I've started to feel really bad about the level of debt. last but not least, feeling super lonely and discouraged about dating and finding and partner.

So I live well above my means even though my income is not that bad. Although I have been able to cut some bills, I'm lacking willpower when it comes to everyday spending. I tried to put my credit cards away but I failed. I go on too many holidays. I spend too much money on everything: clothes, shoes, haircuts, household things, concerts, theatre, etc. And I definitely spend too much money on food, on both groceries and eating out.

I thought it would be a good idea to write here and check in once in a while, because I don't talk to anybody about my money issues. No one knows I'm in so much debt, not even my parents. And I should probably talk to my GP about my depression, as it's now affecting my general well being - I'm not sleeping enough, I'm eating too much in the evenings and I constantly feel tired and grumpy. I also stopped going to my weekly yoga class in an attempt to reduce spending, but that was probably a stupid move...

So there. I need any help and advice I can get. And a big kick in the a__e...

Thank you for reading.

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

Tea&Kittens · 20 September 2017 at 2:57PM

Hi Plush

Apart from you having your own flat, and I have a rented house, you pretty much sound exactly like me! I've found posting in here really helpful, lots of friendly types popping in with advice. I was advised here to fill in a statement of affairs (SoA) which I think was on Stoozing, I'm sure people would be along to advise.
On a personal note, I considered giving up dance and yoga, but I though there is some cost involved, I think the mental and physical loss would be greater than the gain by doing it.
i've subscribed to your thread so I can follow your progress. It's somewhat reaassuring to not feel the only one. I'm similar to you in that friends and family have no idea how bad things have become!
I'm still new to this, but welcome here, and best wishes on your journey.

plush_2 · 20 September 2017 at 3:05PM

Thank you! I'm not sure if the thought that others are in the same boat soothes me anymore. I read diaries here and when I come across the ones who are a "repeat offender" (reduced their debt then fell off the wagon again) I get even more discouraged and hopeless! It's a never ending story. There is something fundamentally wrong with all of us (or with the society), as we're unable to escape debt.

I know I sound too pessimistic ...

Tea&Kittens · 20 September 2017 at 3:08PM

I'm hoping that building up some good habits, and having support of the good folk here will help me stave of a decline (once I've got things sorted). I can't let myself be pessimistic or I'll end up not doing anything!

Fireflyaway · 20 September 2017 at 3:18PM

Firstly don't feel ashamed or be too hard on yourself. I'm similar ( bit worse to be honest!) . I have around 25k outstanding debts, I'm renting and about 4 stone overweight. All these things bug me too! However nothing you mention is too difficult for you or I to overcome. If we want it enough we can change.
Part of the issue might be not knowing where to start! What aspect of your life bothers you the most? Write them all down if you have to then prioritise one. What is your goal and what is your plan to get there?
Knowing what I just told you about myself I know I'm not qualified to give much advice! However I would recommend small steps. Yes I have debt but its old. I've not got into more and more debt because I now do a budget so I'm paying off what I do have. I'm current on my utilities and rent whereas before I was behind on everything. So my point is start by not making anything worse. That's a step in itself. Don't worry about losing weight yet, just don't gain anymore.
As for sleep. Is that due to worry? I'd imagine tacking the issues or even making a plan will help to lessen the stress but do go to your GP and see what they say.
Also remember all the good stuff you have achieved. Give yourself the credit you deserve and remember the future is full of so many possibilities. Good luck.

plush_2 · 20 September 2017 at 3:27PM

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Part of the issue might be not knowing where to start! What aspect of your life bothers you the most?

Thank you. Everything bothers me, but probably debt is the one that scares and stressed me out more than anything else.

I've started doing a SOA but I'm so disorganised I don't actually know (don't want to know) how much I'm spending, apart from bills... will post here the result.

enthusiasticsaver · 20 September 2017 at 3:30PM

Depression and debt are often linked. Whether the depression is caused by too much debt or the debt is accumulated through people spending when depressed is moot. To successfully manage your financial affairs is not rocket science - you simply have to spend less than you earn.

If you have posted on MSE before you know how it goes. You post an soa, you start a spending diary and set a budget. It is not easy and if you live in London I daresay you have a few things stacked up against you like the extortionate cost of living and working in London, childcare costs if your child is still young and the temptation of concerts, theatres and restaurants. Sometimes I think it is easier to live in the sticks as I do so there is not the constant battle of maintaining a busy social life.

You have a job, your own property and a child though. £15k of credit card debt is large but not the biggest and if you have a moderate amount of disposable income it can be dealt with but you have to want to change. Presumably if you are posting on here you want something to change and it may as well be your finances as that will certainly help your mood and this may also impact on your diet.

Post your soa as a beginning and take it from there.

enthusiasticsaver · 20 September 2017 at 3:32PM

plush wrote: »

Thank you. Everything bothers me, but probably debt is the one that scares and stressed me out more than anything else.

I've started doing a SOA but I'm so disorganised I don't actually know (don't want to know) how much I'm spending, apart from bills... will post here the result.

It might be worth downloading a spending tracker on your phone. Just print up your bank and credit card statements on online banking to get a rough idea.

I would also suggest you cut those credit cards up or maybe all except one.

plush_2 · 20 September 2017 at 3:59PM

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Depression and debt are often linked. Whether the depression is caused by too much debt or the debt is accumulated through people spending when depressed is moot. To successfully manage your financial affairs is not rocket science - you simply have to spend less than you earn.

If you have posted on MSE before you know how it goes. You post an soa, you start a spending diary and set a budget. It is not easy and if you live in London I daresay you have a few things stacked up against you like the extortionate cost of living and working in London, childcare costs if your child is still young and the temptation of concerts, theatres and restaurants. Sometimes I think it is easier to live in the sticks as I do so there is not the constant battle of maintaining a busy social life.

You have a job, your own property and a child though. £15k of credit card debt is large but not the biggest and if you have a moderate amount of disposable income it can be dealt with but you have to want to change. Presumably if you are posting on here you want something to change and it may as well be your finances as that will certainly help your mood and this may also impact on your diet.

Post your soa as a beginning and take it from there.

Thank you! I did consider moving outside of the M25 but after a lot of soul searching I decided we'd stay put for now, and try to tackle this debt problem instead. Also, I'm fearing social isolation - moving to a place where we don't know anyone is not something that appeals at the moment. I've discussed it with my child as well and was met with strong resistance. Apart from reducing the mortgage and paying off debt we have no reason to move, the area and the schools are great here. (Oh, and any move will have to be discussed with my ex as well - I don't think it would be fair to him to move very far away).

pelirocco · 20 September 2017 at 4:01PM

plush wrote: »

Thank you. Everything bothers me, but probably debt is the one that scares and stressed me out more than anything else.

I've started doing a SOA but I'm so disorganised I don't actually know (don't want to know) how much I'm spending, apart from bills... will post here the result.

You need to do a form of decluttering , and you will find it de clutters your head and you will sleep better
Open all the unopened bills / find out what you owe ...theres some of the guess work clutter gone
Put the unimportant debt to one side until work out what you have coming in and what the priority debt is , make sure you can cover that ( mortgage / rent , utilities , food etc )
Work out what you have left for debt repayments ...dont over commit ..
Find that little chink of light at the end of the tunnell
have a clear out , sell or donate the stff that isnt important in your life , the less you have the clearer your head will be
Allow yourself if possible a small amount of fun money and spend it wisely
There is no money problem that can not be sorted

plush_2 · 20 September 2017 at 4:09PM

The SOA website doesn't load! LOL that's a great start. Am I the only one with that problem?

@pelirocco: thank you! I know exactly how much I owe, I only have 3 credit cards and one overdraft. I also have 2 accounts - bills and spending. The spending one is where the bad things happen. I'm good about paying bills and my credit history is clean.

What I don't know is how much I spend on things each month and wth am I spending it on. Debt has been increasing steadily over the past couple of years and the 0% balance transfer offers aren't helping at all! 0% is just an illusion, I keep paying balance transfer fees to move the debt from one card to another. I know what I need to do - cut up the credit cards... but I have been unable to.

The de-cluttering idea is very good though. Thanks for that. I know it would help me go through all the s__t we have and get rid of it, and possibly make some money out of it.

early 40s and not fabulous at all

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