our kids should not be the most important

Just came across this from earlier this year (sorry if posted before).

Although American publication it is still relevant imo and hits a nail firmly on the head

"I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, “Who are the most important people in your family?”

Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, “Our kids!”

“Why?” I then asked. “What is it about your kids that gives them that status?” And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn’t answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.

So, I answered the question for them: “There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status.”

I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they’re having with their kids — typical stuff, these days — are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage, and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.

Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn’t eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy, and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.

This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it’s the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.

It was also clear to us — I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate — that our parents’ marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more — a lot more — with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.

The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.

The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.

“Our child is the most important person in our family” is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.

You don’t want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn’t need that"



http://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-your-kids-should-not-be-the-most-important/article_e61f4a20-c15e-53c6-ba51-e86af16ab957.html#2
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Comments

  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773
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    edited 1 December 2017 at 2:18PM
    I would have said the same, on the basis that I would have always put my kids requirements above my own. I wanted them to have more chances and opportunities than me


    Most of us go without and make sacrifices to enable our kids to have a better start, more opportunities than we ever did - so I guess, treat them as a more important ,than we do ourselves, without verbalizing it


    (I'm not talking about buying them stuff - like huge amounts of xmas presents etc, I mean more about providing a lifestyle where they are able to take advantage of opportunities that weren't available to me - opportunities for further education, not forced into work as soon as legally possible etc)


    I think If you provide your kids with reams of presents , unearned pocket money etc, and don't teach them the value of a £1 then yes you will get entitled bratty behavior. I know someone whose child has two bedrooms jam packed full of possessions and is the most bratty kid I have ever met and screams when she don't get her own way
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • esuhl
    esuhl Posts: 9,409
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    What kind of family ranks its members based on importance?! That's just weird.

    Anyway, it looks like you've quoted the whole article -- careful you don't find yourself liable for copyright infringement damages.
  • ognum
    ognum Posts: 4,835
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    svain wrote: »
    Just came across this from earlier this year (sorry if posted before).

    Although American publication it is still relevant imo and hits a nail firmly on the head

    "I recently asked a married couple who have three kids, none of whom are yet teens, “Who are the most important people in your family?”

    Like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they answered, “Our kids!”

    “Why?” I then asked. “What is it about your kids that gives them that status?” And like all good moms and dads of this brave new millennium, they couldn’t answer the question other than to fumble with appeals to emotion.

    So, I answered the question for them: “There is no reasonable thing that gives your children that status.”

    I went on to point out that many if not most of the problems they’re having with their kids — typical stuff, these days — are the result of treating their children as if they, their marriage, and their family exist because of the kids when it is, in fact, the other way around. Their kids exist because of them and their marriage and thrive because they have created a stable family.

    Furthermore, without them, their kids wouldn’t eat well, have the nice clothing they wear, live in the nice home in which they live, enjoy the great vacations they enjoy, and so on. Instead of lives that are relatively carefree (despite the drama to the contrary that they occasionally manufacture), their children would be living lives full of worry and want.

    This issue is really the heart of the matter. People my age know it’s the heart of the matter because when we were kids it was clear to us that our parents were the most important people in our families. And that, right there, is why we respected our parents and that, right there, is why we looked up to adults in general. Yes, Virginia, once upon a time in the United States of America, children were second-class citizens, to their advantage.

    It was also clear to us — I speak, of course, in general terms, albeit accurate — that our parents’ marriages were more important to them than their relationships with us. Therefore, we did not sleep in their beds or interrupt their conversations. The family meal, at home, was regarded as more important than after-school activities. Mom and Dad talked more — a lot more — with one another than they talked with you. For lack of pedestals, we emancipated earlier and much more successfully than have children since.

    The most important person in an army is the general. The most important person in a corporation is the CEO. The most important person in a classroom is the teacher. And the most important person in a family are the parents.

    The most important thing about children is the need to prepare them properly for responsible citizenship. The primary objective should not be raising a straight-A student who excels at three sports, earns a spot on the Olympic swim team, goes to an A-list university and becomes a prominent brain surgeon. The primary objective is to raise a child such that community and culture are strengthened.

    “Our child is the most important person in our family” is the first step toward raising a child who feels entitled.

    You don’t want that. Unbeknownst to your child, he doesn’t need that"



    http://lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-your-kids-should-not-be-the-most-important/article_e61f4a20-c15e-53c6-ba51-e86af16ab957.html#2

    IMO there is no heirachy of importance in a family, need and importance alters according to time and circumstance. At times the ‘most important’ is one person at another time it’s another.

    Most important could be spouse, child parent, sibling. Life moves and changes.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    esuhl wrote: »
    What kind of family ranks its members based on importance?! That's just weird.

    Anyway, it looks like you've quoted the whole article -- careful you don't find yourself liable for copyright infringement damages.



    Try researching copyright legislation?
  • esuhl
    esuhl Posts: 9,409
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    Comms69 wrote: »
    Try researching copyright legislation?

    Why? Have you? What did you discover?

    You can't just lift a copyright article and repost it in it's entirety.
  • Tabbytabitha
    Tabbytabitha Posts: 4,684
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    I think one of the reasons that divorce is so common is because many parents put their children and their needs ahead of their partner.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    esuhl wrote: »
    Why? Have you? What did you discover?

    You can't just lift a copyright article and repost it in it's entirety.



    Not getting into pettiness, there are various criteria which allow for the use of copyrighted material without permission.
  • clairec79
    clairec79 Posts: 2,512 Forumite
    My childrens NEEDS are always going to come first, their WANTS however rank right along with everyone else's wants (behind mine and husbands needs). I want to raise them to independence (and hope they still see me because they want to)

    However I wouldn't say anyone in the family was more important than anyone else (I'm the least important in my mind - but I expect husband would say he was least important, and I'd hope the kids would put us and their siblings ahead of themselves)
  • clairec79
    clairec79 Posts: 2,512 Forumite
    I also know a few people whose seem proud that their mid/late teens still need them to do everything for them. That I feel is failing them.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,077
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    I think one of the reasons that divorce is so common is because many parents put their children and their needs ahead of their partner.
    When my kids were little their needs came before myself and my husband. Once they reached adulthood and independence, my husband became my priority. Do i apologise for that? No.
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