Advice desperately needed please

Hi, not posted on here for some time.
I have got myself into something of a pickle and not sure what to do.
Following the breakdown of my marriage 3 years ago and the time since, I have managed to run up unsecured debts of around 35k. I brought some debt with me after my marriage broke up and over the last 3 years it has increased rapidly as I use it to supplement my income as a single mother. I have juggled it by moving it around several times but always end up adding to it. I admit I have been reckless at times and used it for luxuries such as clothes, meals out and trips away etc so I'm feeling terribly ashamed of the mess I've got myself into. I suppose I have tried (wrongly) to provide everything for my children but have just lived way beyond my means.
I have been advised that an IVA is my best way forward but I am scared of taking the plunge for fear of being rejected because of my recent and possibly reckless spending. I would be very grateful if you could offer any advice. It has taken me over a year to accept that I need help and in that time have accumulated more debt, however my credit is close to running out and I know something must be done. So far I haven't missed a single payment as I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul and using credit to live while my debts/bills are paid with income. The prospect of missing payments petrifes me. I currently owe out more than I bring home.
I don't really know what anyone can say to make me feel any better, I guess I'm just looking for people who may have been in the same boat and come out the other side. I'm losing sleep and becoming anxious and teary a lot of the time as this problem increases. I suffered two tears of depression after my marriage breakdown (this also didn't help with debt) and I'm terrified of ending up back there.
Grateful for any advice.
«13

Comments

  • OK - firstly well done for asking for help - facing the situation head on is one of the hardest things.

    Get yourself an SOA done - link is in the sticky post at the top of the board. Make it as accurate as you can - it really has to be. Format for MSE and post in here and we can take a look and see if we can see anywhere that savings can be made.

    Have you thought about contacting one of the free debt charities for a bit of impartial advice also? I take it your ex is paying any child support he should be on time and in the correct amount? Who has advised you that you should look at an IVA?

    Don't feel ashamed, but DO hold on to how this situation is making you feel - it's that which will ensure you never go back here once you're sorted out.

    You've faced it, now time to fix it.
    🎉 MORTGAGE FREE (First time!) 30/09/2016 🎉 And now we go again…New mortgage taken 01/09/23 🏡
    Balance as at 01/09/23 = £115,000.00
    Balance as at 31/12/23 = £112,000.00
    SOA CALCULATOR (for DFW newbies): SOA Calculator
    she/her
  • Thank you for your response.

    I spoke to both payplan and Stepchange last year who advised IVA and have since spoken to another IVA firm who have said the same, although they are looking at proposing a monthly repayment of as little as £80 per month because of my high outgoings and relatively low income.

    I unfortunately don't get maintenance from the children's father.
    I will do a SOA tomorrow when I can get on the laptop.
    Can't thank you enough for replying.
  • Fizz_Bomb wrote: »
    So far I haven't missed a single payment as I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul and using credit to live while my debts/bills are paid with income. The prospect of missing payments petrifes me. I currently owe out more than I bring home.
    I don't really know what anyone can say to make me feel any better, I guess I'm just looking for people who may have been in the same boat and come out the other side.
    Oh yes, if the boards did a "robbing Peter to pay Paul" badge, I'd have two!

    As EH says, do a Statement of Affairs for yourself. I've linked it directly, because I'm nice :p
  • mum2one
    mum2one Posts: 16,279
    Xmas Saver!
    Forumite
    youve done the hardest step, just check that any company you work with are free ones such as Stepchange / payplan - others are fee paying, xx
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
  • chevalier
    chevalier Posts: 7,937
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Forumite
    Unless there was violence in the marriage or some other form of abuse, then I would suggest that you tell your ex that he HAS to step up and provide for HIS children. I really hate males who don't accept their responibilities for children don't end when the marriage breaks down.

    IVAs are pretty scary as there is no wiggle room in the payments, ie you have to pay it every month. Is your wage likely to increase as the children get older and you can work more? Can you do more work around the children, like mystery shopping etc to bring your income up? Any old gold to sell, mobile phones, other stuff to ebay?

    good luck with moving forward
    chev
    I want a job that is less than an hour driving away from my house! Are you listening universe?
  • enthusiasticsaver
    enthusiasticsaver Posts: 15,445
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    Ambassador
    As Essex says doing an soa is a good start. Also keeping a spending diary for everything.

    The soa will show if you are able to afford minimum payments. If you don't want to go down the IVA or DMP route moving as much on to 0% credit cards will help but this depends on you still getting credit. If stepchange have said IVA is your best option probably due to the level of debt then that may we'll be the way to go. Do you have any assets - house or car?

    If you read threads on here and bankruptcy board you will see other people have been in your situation and addressing it always improves their outlook. It might be worth seeing a doctor for help with your anxiety.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
  • Hi there, thanks so much for the replies. The problem with working more is, I would scarecley be any better off because of the tax credits etc. I am a classic benefit trap victim. Because I'm at the top of my scale at work there is no scope to earn any more money and for what I do (business support) it's a fairly decent wage. I have just completed an an access to nursing course with the view to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse. I have applied for university for next year so I see this as my only way of improving my wage albeit a long way off. Being a single mother I don't get much time to spare to work anymore but again, benefit wise I feel I would be working for next to nothing. Very frustrating.
    I could kick myself myself for getting into this mess. I recognised over a year ago I was in trouble but did nothing but further increase my debt. I really am failing my children ��
    I will do my SOA as soon as the boys are at school after 9.
  • Sorry, forgot to add I have no assets or anything to sell. My name is still on the mortgage of the flat I owned with my ex, but I have walked away from that and have a solicitors letter to say I have no interest in it. It was a northern rock together mortgage with an unsecured loan and I am told the unsecured loan would need to be included in any IVA etc that I do. The balance owed in total is around 75k and it is worth only around 70k so I am hopeful this will not need to be involved in any way.
    Car wise, I lease from my auntie who in an ex Nissan employee, so I pay £150 a month for everything bar petrol. It isn't a credit agreement either so should be fine.
  • Here is my SOA as promised, It's bleak :(


    Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
    Household Information

    Number of adults in household........... 1
    Number of children in household......... 2
    Number of cars owned.................... 0
    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 808
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 1058
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 1866

    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 0
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
    Rent.................................... 500
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 75
    Electricity............................. 64.5
    Gas..................................... 64.5
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 42
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 45
    TV Licence.............................. 12.12
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 30.5
    Internet Services....................... 22.5
    Groceries etc. ......................... 280
    Clothing................................ 0
    Petrol/diesel........................... 120
    Road tax................................ 0
    Car Insurance........................... 0
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 200
    Childcare/nursery....................... 52
    Other child related expenses............ 40
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 6
    Life assurance ......................... 0
    Other insurance......................... 3
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
    Haircuts................................ 0
    Entertainment........................... 6
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1563.12


    Assets

    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 0
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 0
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 0


    No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
    Barclaycard platinum...........7200......170.......0
    Barclaycard visa...............4647......106.......0
    Tesco..........................5256......110.......0
    Barclay loan...................4106......141.......6
    N power .......................250.......30........0
    Next...........................1581......60........20
    Barclay overdrft...............850.......20........0
    Mint ..........................4200......70........19.9
    Total unsecured debts..........28090.....707.......-


    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 1,866
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,563.12
    Available for debt repayments........... 302.88
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 707
    Amount short for making debt repayments. -404.12

    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 0
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,090
    Net Assets.............................. -28,090

    Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com.
    Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.
  • National_Debtline
    National_Debtline Posts: 7,998
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Organisation Representative
    edited 13 October 2016 at 8:59AM
    Fizz_Bomb wrote: »
    Sorry, forgot to add I have no assets or anything to sell. My name is still on the mortgage of the flat I owned with my ex, but I have walked away from that and have a solicitors letter to say I have no interest in it. It was a northern rock together mortgage with an unsecured loan and I am told the unsecured loan would need to be included in any IVA etc that I do. The balance owed in total is around 75k and it is worth only around 70k so I am hopeful this will not need to be involved in any way.
    Car wise, I lease from my auntie who in an ex Nissan employee, so I pay £150 a month for everything bar petrol. It isn't a credit agreement either so should be fine.

    Hi Fizz Bomb

    Before taking the plunge with an IVA I think it’s worth calling National Debtline for some independent advice. If you don’t have assets have you considered bankruptcy instead? It could be a simpler way to deal with your situation as long as there wouldn’t be any serious implications such as affecting your career path or a rental tenancy.

    James
    @natdebtline
    We work as money advisers for National Debtline and have specific permission from MSE to post to try to help those in debt. Read more information on National Debtline in MSE's Debt Problems: What to do and where to get help guide. If you find you're struggling with debt and need further help try our online advice tool My Money Steps
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