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Coercive control is a crime, there doesn't have to have been physical violence for the police to become involved. That being said the response of police to domestic abuse varies considerably and I would not rely on them solely to ensure your safety. Please contact the Women's Aid helpline they will talk through the details of your situation and help you form a safety plan. Abuse often escalates during pregnancy and immediately before and after attempts to leave so this is a particularly dangerous time. There are other housing options - a refuge is one option. In some situations of domestic abuse the law allows you to claim housing benefit on two properties for a temporary period in order to sort out these kinds of difficulties.
The Rights of Women website offers good fact-sheets about housing and domestic abuse (I can't post links):
rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/guide-to-domestic-violence-housing-and-homelessness.pdf[/url]
I work in the DV sector, please contact the Women's Aid helpline, they will listen to you, believe you, discuss your options and help you form a plan.
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It's the partner who seems to want to leave.0 -
It's the partner who seems to want to leave.
She said it's unbearable and she wants to go back and live with her parents, but if she wants to stay then absolutely that is her decision but that is not the impression she gave in her message. Women's Aid can discuss options with her for staying or leaving.0 -
She said it's unbearable and she wants to go back and live with her parents, but if she wants to stay then absolutely that is her decision but that is not the impression she gave in her message. Women's Aid can discuss options with her for staying or leaving.
Indeed, poor kid. The whole thing sounds like a nightmare0 -
It's the partner who seems to want to leave.
The partner is *threatening* to leave. That's classic abuser behaviour. He won't actually leave, he'll just undermine and gaslight and torment her until (hopefully) she does.Get to 119lbs! 1/2/09: 135.6lbs 1/5/11: 145.8lbs 30/3/13 150lbs 22/2/14 137lbs 2/6/14 128lbs 29/8/14 124lbs 2/6/17 126lbs
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The partner is *threatening* to leave. That's classic abuser behaviour. He won't actually leave, he'll just undermine and gaslight and torment her until (hopefully) she does.
It's also classic victim behaviour, and no I'm not calling him a victim - I'm saying there isn't enough information.
Him saying I'm moving back to live with my parents is no different to her saying it.
Before the guy is crucified, perhaps we need more information.0 -
Before the guy is crucified, perhaps we need more information.
I am not sure what more information than he has verbally and physically abused her to the point that she says it is unbearable you need.
OP if you are still reading this thread. You have had (extremely good) advice from someone who actually works in the DV sector. Please listen to them.0 -
(being 13 weeks pregnant is in reality not very different to not being at all pregnant, in terms of physical capacity)
Another DV thread, another predictable attempt by Guest101 to downplay the reality of DV.
Did you know Guest that pregnancy is often the trigger for athe beginning of or worsening of abuse and that women who are abused while pregnant are at an increased risk of being murdered by their partner?
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/domestic-abuse-pregnant/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12100800
OP, leave now.0 -
The police can only prevent immediate violence, or prosecute previous violence. They aren't social services or DWP.
Yes the OP said there was physical abuse and yes that should be punished. But that can happen afterwards.
The reality is, if she calls the police, he'll most likely be arrested and bailed to not live there. Which is what the OP wants to avoid at the minute
(being 13 weeks pregnant is in reality not very different to not being at all pregnant, in terms of physical capacity)
That can be the case, but pregnancy also makes you feel and move differently because your first instinct is usually to protect the foetus. At 13 weeks some women are also pretty unwell with 'morning sickness', so may not be as alert and clear-headed as they would otherwise be.
That's if you ignore the fact that a physical assault can cause miscarriage or other harm to the foetus.
You seem to be minimising the danger that the OP may be in if her partner has become violent. Without being overly dramatic, it is very common for domestic violence by a partner to escalate rapidly both when a woman becomes pregnant and when she makes firm plans to leave the abuser.
It might all be exaggeration on the OP's part, but if it isn't, she needs to get herself to a safe situation, as soon as possible.[FONT="][FONT="] Fighting the biggest battle of my life.
Started 30th January 2018.
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I am not sure what more information than he has verbally and physically abused her to the point that she says it is unbearable you need.
OP if you are still reading this thread. You have had (extremely good) advice from someone who actually works in the DV sector. Please listen to them.
How about asking what the OP wants to happen? Does she want to keep the baby? Fix the relationship? Have a clean break?
How about listening to the person (or actually both people) in the relationship.
Instead of just dismissing every time I post and making all sorts of claims about my views on DV, why not actually read what I said.Red-Squirrel wrote: »Another DV thread, another predictable attempt by Guest101 to downplay the reality of DV.
Did you know Guest that pregnancy is often the trigger for athe beginning of or worsening of abuse and that women who are abused while pregnant are at an increased risk of being murdered by their partner?
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/domestic-abuse-pregnant/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12100800
OP, leave now.
Not all victims of DV WANT to leave, some want to solve the problems. All I've said is that the OP should contact shelter and women's aid - what on earth is wrong with that??0 -
No, I said contact womens aid and shelter.That can be the case, but pregnancy also makes you feel and move differently because your first instinct is usually to protect the foetus. At 13 weeks some women are also pretty unwell with 'morning sickness', so may not be as alert and clear-headed as they would otherwise be.
That's if you ignore the fact that a physical assault can cause miscarriage or other harm to the foetus.
You seem to be minimising the danger that the OP may be in if her partner has become violent. Without being overly dramatic, it is very common for domestic violence by a partner to escalate rapidly both when a woman becomes pregnant and when she makes firm plans to leave the abuser.
It might all be exaggeration on the OP's part, but if it isn't, she needs to get herself to a safe situation, as soon as possible.
I am just pointing out that the police are not there to help the victim, they wont make life easier (especially since the primary concern is about paying the rent etc)
I said contact the police if you are in immediate danger.
I said look up which benefits the Op could get if she does go it alone.
I asked if she wanted to keep the baby.
You tell me which of those bits is wrong. It seems as soon as anyone remotely questions a DV claim they are automatically an abuse denier and trying to derail the whole discussion/situation.
It's as misguided as the police victims charter. The police are not social workers, nor relationship counsellors. They are there to prevent harm and investigate crime.0
This discussion has been closed.
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