Family Birthday Meal at Pub- moral dilemma

Wizzbang · 22 February 2016 at 12:17PM

I hope this is the right place to post. We've been invited to celebrate a family members significant birthday at a pub. We've been told there is a fixed menu, at a set price. We're apparently not allowed to know where we're going in advance- I guess they think we'll accidentally blab. My family know that several family members have food allergies, but they've made no effort to cater to this- telling the one's with younger children to just bring their own food! The rest of us are left guessing at the potential ingredients of our meals (all of which seem unsuitable), with no way of contacting the pub in advance because they won't share where it is. Am I being selfish in thinking that I just won't go- since I don't want to spend almost £15 a head on food I won't be able to eat! Or maybe I should just go and only have drinks?

DigForVictory · 22 February 2016 at 2:17PM

The delightful thing about Significant Birthdays is that while there is a lot of herd pressure, you can say sorry, we're doing X that evening (I Scout - it's Wonderful - both loads of fun & a nifty social excuse), and plan something involving Birthday Individual & your family on Your terms.

Depending on your budget it could be as hopefully-not-complex as taking Relative to a local park with all your family & getting several group photos.

Or booking a meal out which you know is a safe venue for all you & yours, but adding that extra touch by sorting a Limo for fetch you all. No question of fitting Relative into family car - everyone into Limo & off you roll. With bonus extra photos, naturally. (If you know the vehicle owner & they're game to play along, all the more MS!)

If Relative has a special interest (steam train, fire engine, Harry Potter), try to factor that in? It doesn't have to be all sorted for the day of birthday, but does need to be fairly convincingly mostly-sorted, so the rest of your family can miss you at this Pub thing & gnash their teeth over the lost opportunity.

I love my family dearly, but if they are trying to shotgun me into a bad situation, "Because We're All Doing It", then I find I plan the rebellion all the more meticulously....

Hoping Significant Birthday goes well & happily!

Angry_Bear · 22 February 2016 at 4:45PM

Ask what's on the fixed menu, and if the organiser won't tell you just say you can't go as you don't know if the menu will be suitable.
Then arrange to do something different yourself with birthday person.

SeaVixen · 26 February 2016 at 10:20PM

I think it's totally reasonable to be able to see the menu, especially if you have allergies. If they are wary of sharing it for fear of disclosing the venue, then most places have an online menu. They could download it and remove identifying information. Or call you and tell you over the phone what is on the menu. With some small care on their part, this can all be solved.

Without knowing where you are going, it would be difficult to even make the decision around just turning up for drinks. I find it quite awkward not eating in a restaurant situation when all those around me are, which may happen if where you are going does not have a bar or lounge area for you to go to.

missbiggles1 · 26 February 2016 at 10:24PM

Wizzbang wrote: »

I hope this is the right place to post. We've been invited to celebrate a family members significant birthday at a pub. We've been told there is a fixed menu, at a set price. We're apparently not allowed to know where we're going in advance- I guess they think we'll accidentally blab. My family know that several family members have food allergies, but they've made no effort to cater to this- telling the one's with younger children to just bring their own food! The rest of us are left guessing at the potential ingredients of our meals (all of which seem unsuitable), with no way of contacting the pub in advance because they won't share where it is. Am I being selfish in thinking that I just won't go- since I don't want to spend almost £15 a head on food I won't be able to eat! Or maybe I should just go and only have drinks?

If you don't know what you're getting, how do you know that it's unsuitable?

Alikay · 27 February 2016 at 1:05AM

It's a family get-together for someone's significant birthday: Does it really matter that much what you'll be eating? I'd go along for the fun of all being together celebrating, and if the meal was something I liked it'd be a bonus. If not, I'm sure there'd be something I could munch on just to put me on until I got home...or maybe call in at McDonalds or the chippy on the way home:rotfl:

Big social gatherings rarely offer a fantastic culinary experience IME, and I'm not particularly fussy and don't have any special dietary requirements.

POPPYOSCAR · 27 February 2016 at 1:12AM

I will never understand why people cannot be honest with each other.

Just ask for a menu. If one is not forthcoming and/or you cannot order something suitable, explain to the hosts and say there is not really any point being there for the meal but will go a bit later and join them for a drink to celebrate.

pollypenny · 28 February 2016 at 3:20PM

£15 is quite cheap for a set menu. It's unlikely that you'll struggle with all three courses.

It is a family celebration, too.

PasturesNew · 28 February 2016 at 3:30PM

Tell them you need to know where it is as you've acquired a lifetime ban from 2-3 larger establishments and you'd hate the birthday-guest to be embarrassed if you're recognised from the police photo and thrown out.

Also, the restraining order/court order limits you as to where you're allowed to go.

So you really DO need to know exactly which pub it is.

preable · 29 February 2016 at 4:53PM

I would go as you will be with your family but when you arrive ask what the menu is and if it is not suitable then just stick to drinks.

SeaVixen · 31 March 2016 at 9:20PM

How did you get on with this OP?

Family Birthday Meal at Pub- moral dilemma

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