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  • FIRST POST
    • Chewyclegnuts
    • By Chewyclegnuts 11th May 17, 4:37 PM
    • 9Posts
    • 2Thanks
    Chewyclegnuts
    Would the CSA take my heavy goods?
    • #1
    • 11th May 17, 4:37 PM
    Would the CSA take my heavy goods? 11th May 17 at 4:37 PM
    I'm currently in 8k of arrears I've paid my ex around 5k but refuse to correspond with the CSA for time being. I have 2 little kids that I'm trying to get out of a council flat and my ex will never let me see my first born. She's refusing me access I'm refusing my money and yes I know it's 2 totally different things before I get people calling me dead beat I'm far from it.

    My only worry is they can take your drivers license... do you think they would take my heavy goods? There not going to make a doctor jobless by taking his job away so how can they mine??

    I plan on paying what I owe one day if she doesn't cancel the claim but that right now I'm working to get things in place for when the time is right. I haven't paid anything for 12 months and won't be for another 2 years or so.

    Thanks for any replies.
Page 2
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 13th May 17, 10:59 PM
    • 5,627 Posts
    • 10,488 Thanks
    GwylimT
    The fact that you refering to being a father as "play dad" shows you should have never become a parent in the first place.

    Like you my mother put her own needs before mine and paid 0 towards my up bringing as she valued being a bitter, resentful monster towards my dad. I will never see her, she cannot be called a mother. You cannot be called a father.
    • clearingout
    • By clearingout 14th May 17, 3:59 PM
    • 3,134 Posts
    • 6,365 Thanks
    clearingout
    Why do people think it's ok to force fathers to pay for there kids when the mothers have no intention of letting them play there roll! I'm guessing you are both in female who replied.
    Originally posted by Chewyclegnuts
    Yeah. It works both ways. I don't understand why my ex gets to have a great relationship with our children but only I have to support them. The statistics suggest my problem is one experienced by many.

    The difference between us is I recognise two wrongs don't make a right. You need to remember at some point you will need to look that child in the eyes and say you didn't care whether they ate or not. You might get lucky and be understood. But the odds are against that.
    • jondav
    • By jondav 15th May 17, 4:55 PM
    • 496 Posts
    • 337 Thanks
    jondav
    Not quite sure if this was all aimed at me. My ex did see his daughter, but only because I pushed it and made the arrangements (often dropping her off myself - it was a long drive). The thing is, with both my ex and the OP's ex, you have to maintain the high ground. Despite no financial help from him when she was growing up, I bit my tongue regarding money, leaving that to the CSA who were spectacularly unsuccessful.

    You have to realise that this is about the child. If you pay money to your ex and it means that your child can now go on school trips that were unattainable before, or have a parent who isn't continually worried about paying the bills because she has a little cushion of money. If the mother doesnt let you see the child, then you will need to cut back and save like mad to enable you to go to court. It depends on how much you want it.
    Originally posted by Caroline_a
    I did quote you yes and for the most part I was quoting you because I absolutely agree with what you said.

    The point I was trying to make is that whilst you did everything you could to do the right thing, not all women are like that and they take full advantage of knowing how to work the system - just like some men do, job hopping etc.

    I did not quote your post to disagree with you at all, I want to clear that up.

    The thing is that when you are scraping by day to day, it is very difficult to take the high ground and do the right thing.

    It's all very well saying that NRP's should adjust their budgets to allow for legal costs to fight for access - but when you are being screwed by maintenance payments, which are putting you on the breadline and are being denied access so have no idea where the money is going, are you surprised that they feel hard done to?

    If the mother wants to keep the father away then fine - but don't expect to take his money - you can't have your cake and eat it. In this case, the mother should adjust her budget to live within her means and not rely on receiving support.

    I understand that there are differences of opinion and this is just mine.
    • Caroline_a
    • By Caroline_a 15th May 17, 8:12 PM
    • 3,808 Posts
    • 10,498 Thanks
    Caroline_a
    Thanks for the clarification. My point about saving up for legal fees was, in this case, solely aimed at the OP, who reckons he pays around 1000 a month on tax - by my calculations meaning he earns around 60k per year. That's a nice chunk of money to find savings to pay for a solicitor. I reckon he could ask a reasonable solicitor to allow him to pay as the case develops - that is what mine did, and when money was tight we just slowed down a bit.

    To be honest, by his attitude I think there's a lot more going on in the background - it's very easy to say I'm not paying because I don't see the child, but if he hasn't shown any demonstrable interest for a while then a court won't particularly be interested in his protest of 'my child'.

    Most reasonable mothers wouldn't stop their ex's from seeing the children unless there are issues, such as failing to turn up, being abusive, etc etc. In fact it's a bit of a nice little rest if the children go to dad's for the weekend!
    • jondav
    • By jondav 16th May 17, 8:25 AM
    • 496 Posts
    • 337 Thanks
    jondav
    Thanks for the clarification. My point about saving up for legal fees was, in this case, solely aimed at the OP, who reckons he pays around 1000 a month on tax - by my calculations meaning he earns around 60k per year. That's a nice chunk of money to find savings to pay for a solicitor. I reckon he could ask a reasonable solicitor to allow him to pay as the case develops - that is what mine did, and when money was tight we just slowed down a bit.

    To be honest, by his attitude I think there's a lot more going on in the background - it's very easy to say I'm not paying because I don't see the child, but if he hasn't shown any demonstrable interest for a while then a court won't particularly be interested in his protest of 'my child'.

    Most reasonable mothers wouldn't stop their ex's from seeing the children unless there are issues, such as failing to turn up, being abusive, etc etc. In fact it's a bit of a nice little rest if the children go to dad's for the weekend!
    Originally posted by Caroline_a
    Again, I agree. When I posted originally, the OP hadn't yet given us his tirade of swear words etc!!.....which I agree is completely unnecessary and may well be the reason for no contact.

    It's something that I care a lot about because we are in the situation where the mother has stopped any contact - for no reason other than out of spite. I have to witness my partner missing his kids on a daily basis - I miss them too because we were bonding very well, particularly with the youngest and it is very upsetting.

    We have a box full of Birthday and Christmas cards and presents that we have bought, written out, wrapped and saved for each child so that if contact is ever reinstated, he can show them that he did (does) care and the lack of contact was not his choice.

    So when I see posts like this one, it really strikes a chord with me. That said, I do not agree with the way that the OP behaved later on in the thread.....at the end of the day, who does that help? No-one!

    But the simple fact is that there is no possibility of us raising the money for legal fees etc to fight for visitation.....and many are in the same situation. My partner simply pays his money to the CMS and gets on with it, although if he didn't live with me, he would not be able to afford to live.

    The system is majorly flawed in my opinion and until it is made fair, these situations will sadly continue.
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 16th May 17, 4:09 PM
    • 274 Posts
    • 268 Thanks
    Sambella
    This is an area where an NRP should have the right to find out this information I think as it stops fraudulent payments.

    Perhaps try writing to child benefit offices stating why you think it may have stopped , the child working or not in full time education perhaps. Whilst they may not supply you with the information they may investigate. You could also ask them to inform CMS if it has indeed stopped.

    I don't know how and when CB informs CMS of child benefit ceasing and how quickly CMS act on this information.
    • Sambella
    • By Sambella 16th May 17, 4:09 PM
    • 274 Posts
    • 268 Thanks
    Sambella
    Whoops. Read two posts answered wrong one lol!

    Sorry.
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