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  • FIRST POST
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...
    • #1
    • 9th May 17, 12:47 PM
    When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up... 9th May 17 at 12:47 PM
    I'm back again, worse than ever to be honest. Things all hit a head in March and along with help being needed in other areas than financial I realised that the money side of things are a big issue in fixing things elsewhere.

    Although not posting I have been reading the diaries I have followed, so many who helped along when I first started are happily debt free now. I want to join them one day, both in being debt free and in happiness.

    Our finances on paper while tight look okay. However we both smoke and my OH is not very responsible. At all. I fell into a gambling issue which I've sought help for and not a penny has gone on gambling since March.

    Our household is me (Not working, our youngest has complicated health issues), My OH he works full time with over time, and 3 delightful children

    I will make a seperate post for my debts/goals and then one with our SOA when I've completed it.

    Hope I can stay around to sort myself, the debt and the happiness thing out.

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Page 2
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 12:14 AM
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    Hiddenidenity
    School uniform was always a bugbearer of mine could spend more a year on logo uniform that then all the clothes needed for the rest of the year. A tiny saving I could see in your SOA is maybe consider ditching the TV ( hear me out I know it sounds like insanity when you have 3 kids) but netflix does not currently require a TV licence and cost £7.50PM so would save you £50 a year maybe worth considering.
    Originally posted by tori.k
    Thank you for stopping by.

    The v1rgin is going as soon as we are out of contract. I must call actually to see when it ends.

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    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 12:15 AM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Up late. I just can't seem to settle. Probably not helped by me and OH arguing over money. He's so selfish at times

    I'll regret being up at this time upset when the alarm goes off in 4 hours. While he's been giving Zzz with not a care in the world.
    Last edited by Hiddenidenity; 11-05-2017 at 12:19 AM.

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    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 8:52 AM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Morning jobs done, house nice and clean definitely makes me feel better getting it done early.

    Two kids in school and youngest painting that should keep her quiet for a while.

    Tonight's dinner is the curry that should have been made yesterday but we had jacket potato instead I couldn't be bothered making curry.

    I'm waiting for the last bit of washing to dry then I can do my ironing while waiting in for the repair man. Then we've made plans to go for a coffee at my sisters tonight. Long story short I suffer from really bad anxiety and would happily never leave the house, this is a spiral of bad. Staying in makes me sad. Makes me feel like a failure and I'm not doing the best I can as a mum, but the anxiety makes leaving the house hard. Up until March when things literally hit rock bottom and I decided to seek help I hadn't left the house for 15 months other than hospital appointments and even those I'd cancel as many times as possible. Since March I've made the step to make sure I leave the house. Even if that's only the school run and going to my Mums or sisters for a catch up.

    We have a consultant appointment on Monday with youngest and I don't think that's helping with my lack of sleep and worrying. but it's got to be done and I can't change what will or has happened and I have to learn it's above my control.

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    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 11th May 17, 11:13 AM
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    Purplemumof2
    You've been a busy bee this morning, fancy popping round to mine to do my washing and ironing? lol

    Curry sounds lush, DH hates hm curry.

    Small steps with the anxiety, take every day as it comes. You've done well since March xx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
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    • girlatplay
    • By girlatplay 11th May 17, 11:43 AM
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    girlatplay
    Also need to start a 'pot' for uniform as it's changing colours at the end of this school year so whole new sets needed for September term including p.e kit tha's got a logo
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity


    I have pots for everything! It so helps with my budgeting. I started building them when I got myself back on my feet and now I couldn't be without them.


    Do the school have a second hand rail or something? I'm pretty sure LMG's primary school had something like that. They used to have a day before the school year started in the summer where you could go to the school and buy things off the rail.


    I LOVE curry but I never seem to be able to make a homemade one taste nice Tried and tried. My mum is pretty good at it but I'm just not.


    PMO2's right. Small steps. Each day is an achievement. I try really hard not to worry about stuff that hasn't happened or is outwith my control. I'd rather stay in than go out too but it's coming into summer now and when the sun shines it makes it easier for me. I think about my vit D levels and think how much better I will feel for going out.


    Loan (£20k) current balance: -£6,470
    IO Mortgage current balance: -£89,680

    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 11:48 AM
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    Hiddenidenity
    You've been a busy bee this morning, fancy popping round to mine to do my washing and ironing? lol

    Curry sounds lush, DH hates hm curry.

    Small steps with the anxiety, take every day as it comes. You've done well since March xx
    Originally posted by Purplemumof2
    When I'm worrying (always ) I tend to take it out on the cleaning

    I have pots for everything! It so helps with my budgeting. I started building them when I got myself back on my feet and now I couldn't be without them.


    Do the school have a second hand rail or something? I'm pretty sure LMG's primary school had something like that. They used to have a day before the school year started in the summer where you could go to the school and buy things off the rail.


    I LOVE curry but I never seem to be able to make a homemade one taste nice Tried and tried. My mum is pretty good at it but I'm just not.


    PMO2's right. Small steps. Each day is an achievement. I try really hard not to worry about stuff that hasn't happened or is outwith my control. I'd rather stay in than go out too but it's coming into summer now and when the sun shines it makes it easier for me. I think about my vit D levels and think how much better I will feel for going out.


    Originally posted by girlatplay
    I never could make curry 'right' until a blog I follow posted a recipe for a curry paste and recipe called curry in a hurry. The blog is mortgage free in three and brilliant for 'nice' food on a small budget. Now it's a firm favourite even by the little one who wouldn't touch curry any other time!

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    • girlatplay
    • By girlatplay 11th May 17, 11:55 AM
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    girlatplay
    I never could make curry 'right' until a blog I follow posted a recipe for a curry paste and recipe called curry in a hurry. The blog is mortgage free in three and brilliant for 'nice' food on a small budget. Now it's a firm favourite even by the little one who wouldn't touch curry any other time!
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity

    Elaine's! I've tried it and I'm still rubbish I'm not a bad cook, just not good at curry. I like her recipes, especially the tablet one!!
    Loan (£20k) current balance: -£6,470
    IO Mortgage current balance: -£89,680

    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 11:58 AM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Elaine's! I've tried it and I'm still rubbish I'm not a bad cook, just not good at curry. I like her recipes, especially the tablet one!!
    Originally posted by girlatplay
    I miss her daily updates I don't have social media and now the blog posts don't seem to happen anymore.

    I've taken on quite a few of Elaine recipes, especially sweet ones

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    • girlatplay
    • By girlatplay 11th May 17, 12:22 PM
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    girlatplay
    Chinese braised ribs, yum!
    Loan (£20k) current balance: -£6,470
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    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 11th May 17, 12:46 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Well done on tackling the anxiety. Little steps at a time and you will get there. Do your family know the extent of your condition? I ask because a family member suffered severe anxiety and depression for years without anyone realizing and it was only when they sought help from the doctor that we realized what was going on and were able to give them support. When we found out it explained a lot and we were amazed and felt guilty that we hadn't realized sooner and saved them a lot of misery. I do hope you're getting all the support you need.
    NSD 13/14 Weightloss 1.5/48 July womble £86.68 2017 Wombling total £1086.70
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 11th May 17, 2:07 PM
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    Purplemumof2
    All this talk of food is making me hungry and I've just had my lunch!
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    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 2:18 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    The food is in the slow cooker. It smells good! But it's so warm I really don't want curry

    I still haven't done the bit of ironing might as well wait for the uniform and do it all together watching !!!! soaps tonight.

    Shopping list is complete and 7 meals planned. No idea what days we'll set what it depends on OH work hours. He picks up as much overtime offered which I appreciate but makes planning hard

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    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 2:19 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    I don't think we'll be able to meet our rent and council tax payments tomorrow. For the first time since me standing in court begging and pleading for a suspended warrant of eviction. I'm worried sick about this but it doesn't seem to worry OH

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    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 11th May 17, 2:33 PM
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    Purplemumof2
    Oh Hun, I wish I could help.

    Is there anything you can put off paying until next week? Or anything you can sell?
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
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    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 11th May 17, 2:59 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Wish I could help too - no wonder you're anxious. Would paying what you can manage and phoning the council and explain help in the short term? I'm no expert but have you contacted one of the debt charities to see if they can give you some advice? Also I'm a bit concerned that all of this doesn't seem to be have any effect on OH. I assume that you have talked to him about this but for the sake of your health you really can't go on taking sole responsibility. Don't know what else to advise - maybe someone else can suggest something?
    NSD 13/14 Weightloss 1.5/48 July womble £86.68 2017 Wombling total £1086.70
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 3:07 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Oh Hun, I wish I could help.

    Is there anything you can put off paying until next week? Or anything you can sell?
    Originally posted by Purplemumof2
    I've asked my mum to let me off paying this week and I've put the few things we have on ebay hopefully theyll get £15 or so.

    Wish I could help too - no wonder you're anxious. Would paying what you can manage and phoning the council and explain help in the short term? I'm no expert but have you contacted one of the debt charities to see if they can give you some advice? Also I'm a bit concerned that all of this doesn't seem to be have any effect on OH. I assume that you have talked to him about this but for the sake of your health you really can't go on taking sole responsibility. Don't know what else to advise - maybe someone else can suggest something?
    Originally posted by Toni'sfriend
    My OH doesn't care honestly. He's 'used' all his wage before its in. So what work will actually send to the bank will only just cover his bus fare to work next week and not really much else he doesn't get my anxiety at all. I thought in march when things where really bad and everything hit a head he called to get me seen by the emergency mental health team he might realise I can't just 'get on with it' but nope he still seems to think I should just snap out of it and doesn't see it as something I can't actually control.

    We'll manage. I get £48.10 child benefit which will put gas and electric on and do the groceries for the week even if it's tight. We have no where to borrow from so can't get anymore in debt just put off what we are already paying

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    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 11th May 17, 3:21 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    I'm a bit confused so I hope you'll forgive me if I ask some personal questions which you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Do you and OH actually live together? I ask because you talk about work sending money to the bank. What is his wage "used" on before if comes in? You cannot just "get on with it" if you have anxiety. It is a complex illness which needs understanding and support. Do you see your doctor on a regular basis and are you on medication?
    NSD 13/14 Weightloss 1.5/48 July womble £86.68 2017 Wombling total £1086.70
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 11th May 17, 3:40 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    I'm a bit confused so I hope you'll forgive me if I ask some personal questions which you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Do you and OH actually live together? I ask because you talk about work sending money to the bank. What is his wage "used" on before if comes in? You cannot just "get on with it" if you have anxiety. It is a complex illness which needs understanding and support. Do you see your doctor on a regular basis and are you on medication?
    Originally posted by Toni'sfriend
    Yes we live together.

    He's used his wage on tools in the work shop which he can cash out of his wages. I understand he needed these tools however he doesn't and didn't need them all this week. Nor needed them more than we need a roof over our head. So while essential over time definitely not essential now he could have continued to use works tools along with the tools and one day off means around £26 will hit the bank. So he probably won't transfer anything to me to pay bills. He's worse than having a 4th child at times. I appreciate the hours he puts in at work however if we don't actually see the money what's the point

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    • GeorgianaCavendish
    • By GeorgianaCavendish 11th May 17, 3:43 PM
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    GeorgianaCavendish
    Hi HI, welcome back!

    When you are looking at laptops it may be worth considering a refurbished one. When I was a student I bought my laptop refurbished from Currys and it saw me through 4 years of university with no problems (and it was about a third of the price of a brand new one!) . I don't think Curry's sell refurbished laptops anymore but there are loads of places online : Laptops Direct have got a refurbished HP laptop with Windows for just under £140.

    I know you've said you've tried to give up smoking already, but would you be able to switch to vaping (if you don't already)? Would that make it a bit cheaper? I'm not a smoker myself but I saw this suggestion on another diary and it seemed to make a bit of a difference.

    Anxiety is a horrible thing to deal with and I'm really sorry that your OH isn't being so supportive. Could you make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral for counselling? Don't feel like you have to deal with it on your own.
    People telling you to "snap out of it" doesn't help at all, let alone when you have these kind of money worries hanging over your head!
    Would you be able to show your OH your statement of account and budget? I appreciate that might be very difficult but in my experience it is not possible to debt bust if your partner isn't on the same page as you. It's one thing to have different habits and attitudes when it comes to spending 'spare' money, but totally unfair for one person to bury their head in the sand and leave their partner struggling to cover the bills.
    Georgiana, Duchess of Debt-shire's July 2017 Debt Totals: HSBC Loan £11,362.14 / MBNA £8610.53 / Barclaycard £4,458.69 / Tesco £997.50 / Dreams £259

    And don't forget the Student Loan! £10,765.93 (April 2017)
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 11th May 17, 3:56 PM
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    Toni'sfriend
    Again you don't have to answer this but just how much money do you have this week to live on? it doesn't seem like nearly enough, If he earns £1235.00 a month (even on average) how can he only have £26.00 (even accounting for buying tools and I don't understand why he did that when you're in such dire straights) and if that's all he has why isn't he giving it to you and the children? Agree with GC. If you're not seeing your GP on a regular basis you need to start doing so and get some support. If OH doesn't understand do you have a friend or relative who could talk to him and explain. Please don't think I'm being negative I really would like to help.
    NSD 13/14 Weightloss 1.5/48 July womble £86.68 2017 Wombling total £1086.70
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