oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

MiMi66 · 29 September 2013 at 12:33PM

Granariesgirl wrote: »

Hiya MiMi -

Huh - the very fact that they are discouraging you would make me smell a HUGE rat... if it were MORE profitable for them for you to be metered, they'd be encouraging you to go on a meter, surely? :cool:

Ask them how many m3 their calculator reckons you use at the moment. THEN ask how many m3 per year your actual water rates would buy...
Then (if you have time) go online & do the same calculations for yourself, just to check. If they are telling you porkies, report them to OFWAT or whatever!
Our m3 usage for our family of 4 was 89m3 over the last year (with leaky taps, no dishwasher, ancient washing machine & 3hr shower children) to give you an idea...

That's 22.25m3 per person per year! You could fill a POOL with that! :eek:

Rough guide here: http://www.ccwater.org.uk/server.php?show=ConWebDoc.913

Hi Granaries Girl - I shall look into that this week - I think I have been too trusting and maybe am being ripped off....will update once I've looked at figures.

MiMi66 · 8 October 2013 at 10:18PM

Well - I have come to a grinding halt I think....
The awarenss that my children's birthdays and christmas are looming large is hitting home and I have that awful feelingof utter panic in my stomach - trying to not let it swell up inside me - anyone else everhad that horrible throat full feeling of dread and fear adn panic rolled into one....

So - I am here to reality check myself.

I have ordered my son's gifts one practical (new shoes) and one fun - fortunately I had saved up the cash for his presents so while they have been paid for by the using CC that money will go straigth to the card when the statement is due. My son hoped for a laser game birthday - you know the ones where they run around shooting each other - but at £20 per child before food I have said it can't be done. Movies and pizza maybe or bowling and pizza, but the laser thing has priced itself outof the list of possibilities.

My daughters birthday is the next month - I should be able to pay for that in cash as well - will have money saved up from my salary as long as we can cover food and fuel for under £300.

That leaves Christmas

groan

.
I have explained to thekids that even though every year I say I am cutting back (and never have managed it) that I truly am this year. They seem to get it and are OK, both are giving me ideas of moderately priced things they would appreciate (Nintendo does well out of this family!!) I shall again opt for practical gifts a plus a fun gift too. Maybe a family game or outing too.

Friends at Christmas - I usually spend between £15 - £40 each on a few good friends - but I really cannot do it this year or next or the next .... I am wondering how to let them know as I do not want that horrible embarrassment of being handed a generous gift when I cannot do likewise. Any suggestions? Anyone managed this social hurdle successfully?

And just thinking of my household income dropping like a stone after Christmas is making me feel anxious - I keep telling myself that at worst it means not managing the finances andhaving to sell the house - but that I can give it a good go first. But then I just worry - the house is not ready in any way to sell - so much needs doing paint wise and repairs. But I can't afford to do it.

I am ashamed to say I have not found the time to call the water company - I must do this and will try to before I log on again.

It is so ridiculous - professional female on a reasonable income and can't bloody well manage it. It makes me feel so ashamed. And then resentful, and then unreasonably envious of people with partners and the stability (in my fantasy) of their joint household incomes - green eyed monster.
Ah then back to shame for feelingthat way.

The debt is decreasing albeit very very slowly, what a long haul project this is.

On the up side - I have adored the summer and the blessing of the Indian Summer we have had. I am chuffed to bits with my children and their good values - my son has created a pocket money chart for doing jobs ( I have had to tell him there is a limit to what he can earn off me but I haven't the heart to say I can't do it all) I shall just have to find a way. And I absolutely love my bicycle - never felt freer than pedalling away and being out on the local cycle paths by the river - saving on fuel with the car and no parking costs. I just want the summer to go on and on so I can ride my worries away ;-) Ah for a simple life.

julie2710 · 9 October 2013 at 11:30AM

Oh Mimi66! Your post struck such a chord with me! I've just had DS2's Birthday and DS1's is at the end of this month then we have Christmas. I'm dreading it too

I really get the envy of couples with joint incomes! It's probably what makes me even madder about the child benefit changes as I've been lucky enough to work hard and earn myself some bonus in the last year which has taken me over the threshold and I'm now about to do my tax return and give half of my bonus back because I got child benefit which I've worked hard to earn myself out of! Meanwhile little happy couples are raking in up to £80k between them, not paying for childcare like I have to and keeping theirs! Not sure whether to cry or scream!!!

It's made worse by the fact that I went out on a date last night! I know, miracle! Now I'm questioning if I can keep seeing him! Not because he's not lovely because he's gorgeous! Ticks all the right boxes, tall, dark, good looking, funny, basically scrummy

own business, own home, nice car but I had to pay £20 for a childminder :eek: That's bad enough on a regular basis but then what happens if he wants a weekend away or god forbid a holiday in the future! :eek: How would I get out of that without admitting I'm a failure of a smart, educated woman in a good job because I have so much debt I can barely survive each month!

You are doing ok! I keep trying to tell myself the same! Part of me thinks I shouldn't worry so much. I'm alive and I'm insured so if I wasn't my boys would be ok and I'd rather "live" a life now than miss the chance!

It's good to know I'm not the only one that feels the way I do though. Doesn't stop me feeling it but at least we're not alone

chevalier · 10 October 2013 at 8:10PM

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

This is a SOA calculator that goes into more detail. It might help you think about things you need to save for over the year.

You mention that your OH is saying he will stop paying YOU 150 for your daughter. Ok fair enough she is turning 18 and the agreements often stop then. BUT if he is a decent father to his children he will do what mine did and pay some money to the CHILD as long as they are at college. Now my dad wasn't the best but this helped out massively. Would your ex go for this? It really gets my goat when ex's decide that they no longer need to support offspring 'just because' they turn a certain age. If they were still a family, both parents would be helping out financially to support children through college if they can. Just because the marriage breaks down doesn't meant that you financially disown your children too. Sorry didn't meant to vent.

If your 18 year old is going to have a gap year then she needs to understand that you can't fund this, and when she isn't away she needs to be signed on or getting work. At the very least she needs to pay her share of the council tax.

This bit is the blunt bit. You spend 500 pounds a month (probably minimum) on food a month. That is 6000 a year. If you halved this total you could double your debt repayments. Are you ethics worth this? Work out how much extra interest you will pay on that 3000 and that is the true cost of your ethical stance. You are thinking of selling your house to pay off your debts AND YET you have put the one area of big savings off limits.

You mention that you shop in a deli, I take you mean a proper one. As a family we earn double what you do, and this is a total luxury for us. I go to the equivalent over here (not uk based) for my birthday and xmas treats and that is it.

You smart at going into the supermarkets, and yet they sell free range meat and eggs, organic stuff etc just at cheaper prices than mr local. Well the sad fact is that you can't afford to pay mr locals mortgage when you are struggling with your own bills. WHEN you get straight that is another thing but not now.

You need to decide what your core ethical values are. For me it was fair traid coffee and tea, and free range eggs. For the rest eg free range pork/organic vegetables I just had to either not have it, or get it only when it is reduced.

And of course that is the other beauty of supermarkets, the 'yellow sticker area' (colour may vary from store to store). Where you get primo goods a stupid prices as they are going out of date. Many things can be frozen effectively resetting the use by date, and even veggies on the cheap shelves will keep several days in the fridge.

If you are a single mum, does your youngest qualify for free school meals?

Sorry if this is harsh, but if you want to really start attacking this debt there are no sacred cows. I thought it lovely of you that you bought your son new clothes from River Island, but another part of me thought why not get something from Tesco? If he is 14 he will have grown out of them in 5 weeks and then you have the same problem again (or is that just my DS!) Or even better buy it cheap off ebay for form a charity shop. The clothes just have to be bought they don't have to be NEW.

good luck
chev

mrsscattercushion · 10 October 2013 at 10:05PM

Hi there, a newbie here and someone who has been through a few lean years whilst hubby has been paying off his debts (a similar size to yours). Thankfully this year debt free, aside from our mortgage.

You've done so well in what you have achieved so fair and sounds like you're doing a great job juggling everything, kids, work, family life etc and trying to manage with what life throws at you.

I guess like others have said, maybe to help the motivation is to have a look at what your immediate priorities are....does buying ethically (at a premium) make you feel better than seeing some of the debt come down? Is the joy from giving presents worth the stress of funding this? You've said at times the children can get money out from you for things they want...maybe set one budget for going out etc and stick to it..if there is no money for it, it will have to wait? A very hard yet valuable lessons for the kids.

Many people are in the same boat re Christmas..I think if you had an honest conversation and say to people that you are either cutting down or forgoing presents for a short while, people that value you are going to understand...£40 a present for some will really add up...I think the idea of practical presents is good e.g. clothes, shoes etc and a small other gift....remember, this won't be forever, just until the situation looks a little rosier.

I definitely think the food area is one you could save a fair chunk of money on...will take more time and determination but you can buy local and value without it costing a fortune...like others have said, there are some great recipes and ideas on these pages...a slow cooker is a god send in our house for cheap yet tasty soups stews etc

Definitely agree with the water company bill....it is unfortunate where you live but that seems excessively high

Good luck and keep going, you will feel much better when you feel more in control...remember, the most important thing about Christmas is the time together as a family, not what you buy people.

Take care and also go easy on yourself.

Granariesgirl · 11 October 2013 at 12:23PM

MiMi66 wrote: »

Friends at Christmas - I usually spend between £15 - £40 each on a few good friends - but I really cannot do it this year or next or the next .... I am wondering how to let them know as I do not want that horrible embarrassment of being handed a generous gift when I cannot do likewise. Any suggestions? Anyone managed this social hurdle successfully?

What my group of friends started to do at the start of the Big Crisis in 2008 was to say "No pressies - we all go out for a damn good meal together, each pays her own meal & that is our Xmas present to each other." Worked like a dream, all were so relieved that no pressie worries & the present of stress-free time with each other was all we needed or wanted for Xmas. Nobody has broken the agreement by buying & anyway if they had we others would be more angry than guilty.
If you warn people you're broke & they buy anyway, that's THEIR choice & it's not up to you to feel guilty!

If you really want to give pressies, how about home-made truffles in recycled jamjars or in Xmas paper, mini bottles of rum/brandy which you add spices to, even Xmas cookies or an IOU for an evening of babysitting so they can go out (that's worth £20 at least!)?
These are presents that show you've made an effort & THOUGHT rather than just thrown money at the "problem"!

Post Xmas income drop: cross that bridge when you come to it, worrying won't make it better.
Water company: not a top priority at the moment,

DON'T FEEL GUILTY!

Envying couples & their joint income: don't waste your time, somebody is ALWAYS better off/ happier/ slimmer/whatever than you - but then they have s### to deal with elsewhere that you just don't see (& it could be worse than yours)!
Also not all couples have a joint income & when OH works long & hard at a paid job while SAHM (or D) does volunteer work, childcare & their bit for the Big Society; the Tax man hammers them for extra tax on the single income, NOT taking into account the money the government would have had to spend on Carers, Teaching Assistants etc. had those people not been around to do those unpaid, unrespected & utterly taken-for-granted roles!
Sorry, still having trouble adjusting to the family & child-UNfriendly attitude of HMRC towards ordinary working families after being in pro-family France where childcare is tax-deductible, each child reduces your income tax etc...

:TYou are doing FINE! Give yourself a round of applause for playing the hand you have been dealt so well!:T

I have utter & complete admiration for single working mums who juggle 1000 balls with no partner to chuck them to when things get tough: without OH I would be a gibbering, dribbling loony cowering in my corner while the kids ran riot & bailiffs removed all the furniture...
I envy you all your ability to keep going on your own, earn money & keep your families together, while looking great at the school gate.
You see, everyone is envious of someone else!:rotfl:

MiMi66 · 27 October 2013 at 8:49PM

julie2710 wrote: »

Oh Mimi66! Your post struck such a chord with me! I've just had DS2's Birthday and DS1's is at the end of this month then we have Christmas. I'm dreading it too

I really get the envy of couples with joint incomes! It's probably what makes me even madder about the child benefit changes as I've been lucky enough to work hard and earn myself some bonus in the last year which has taken me over the threshold and I'm now about to do my tax return and give half of my bonus back because I got child benefit which I've worked hard to earn myself out of! Meanwhile little happy couples are raking in up to £80k between them, not paying for childcare like I have to and keeping theirs! Not sure whether to cry or scream!!!

It's made worse by the fact that I went out on a date last night! I know, miracle! Now I'm questioning if I can keep seeing him! Not because he's not lovely because he's gorgeous! Ticks all the right boxes, tall, dark, good looking, funny, basically scrummy own business, own home, nice car but I had to pay £20 for a childminder :eek: That's bad enough on a regular basis but then what happens if he wants a weekend away or god forbid a holiday in the future! :eek: How would I get out of that without admitting I'm a failure of a smart, educated woman in a good job because I have so much debt I can barely survive each month!

You are doing ok! I keep trying to tell myself the same! Part of me thinks I shouldn't worry so much. I'm alive and I'm insured so if I wasn't my boys would be ok and I'd rather "live" a life now than miss the chance!

It's good to know I'm not the only one that feels the way I do though. Doesn't stop me feeling it but at least we're not alone

Hi Julie2710 - I wrote a really long reply to your post a few weeks ago and it vanished as I pressed submit - at which point I sulked about technology....
So here I am again - I shall not even try to do the witty repose I had orignally worked up but needless to say I think we are very much on the same page. I have to smile when I read your posts and it is really warming to know that people are out there who can empathise with my circumstances - the site is wonderful for that shared support isn't it.

Did you have another date???? Love a bit of romance - helps while the time away while counting pennies for bills:rotfl:

MiMi66 · 27 October 2013 at 9:37PM

:jThanks Chev and Mrs Scattercushion. Food for thought dare I say.

Chev - my ex has said he will not give any money to our daughter to help her pay her way - he feels adamant that she should stand on her own two feet - ridiculous as she is at college. And no need to apologise about venting - it has all been said here.
On the food choice - I gather you have issue with people who try to support local markets and producers? I mix up my shopping habits - use the supermarkets for the obvious big savings on household and food items (toilet paper, washing stuff and pasta pasta pasta oh and beans - but use local grown vegetables and cheese where I can and the little meat we use I try to get locally reared and slaughtered - I do think this is hugely important - the gross intensive farming that is done so people can consume meat two or three times a day really sickens me. So I might spend £40-50 a month on meat which means meals with meat 2-3 times a week plus endless ham sandwhichs for my son for lunch. And no he doesn't qualify for school meals - I am one of the squeezed middle who pay all and get zilch back.
As for clothing - very little is bought and is few and far between and OF COURSE I thought about growth spurts and made him wait until the obvious one that was looming happened. Yes we get the odd pair of jeans and PJ's Tshirts from Tesco - but even from my ancient age I remember the kudos, rightly or wrongly, that kids attached to their 'tribal uniform' - ( I still remember having a mass wobbly at my mother when she tried to get me to wear slip on granny shoes at age 14). So yes, while I agree you that if I was buying him Jack Wills or Hollister etc I WOULD BE CERTIFIABLE - but 2 shirts and a pair of jeans from River Island is hardly the same.

Thanks for your comments thoough as it all helps to challenge ways of living and yes debt repayment is important otherwise I wouldn't be doing it or be here - I'd be stuck with my head in the sand. Which I am not:j

Presents for Christmas wise - I have bought the odd thing - taking advantage of my daughters work discount week - kept to under £8 each - however - I am seriously thinking of returning some of the things and doing a nice card to friends in the next week or two suggesting the no gifts idea. I haven't spent much but I wonder if now is the time to do this. I love the idea of a meal out as a gift to us all - or even a bring and share supper at home......more food for thought. The children have been fab in getting their heads around the idea of a less glutenous Christmas - I am sticking to my guns this time - as they have heard me suggest it before, but not follow through. I am determined to not add to the debt over Christmas, even if the pay off rate isn't as high, the debt will go down!!!!

The water meter - after applying on line - I heard nothing - I called, called again, got bounced - SWW said they didn't have the request to switch, so I did it again. Had a lovely call from them early last week saying someone would be in touch late in the week - a personal hand holder type - and guess what - nothing. So I will call again tomorrow. I am nervous about a water meter - fearful it may turn out more expensive.

Blasted utilities bill - gas and electricity going up - I had the letter form Sainsbury's Energy yesterday - 9- 11% hikes in prices. I went for the online tariff mid summer - I thought it was fixed but it seems it wis like a tracker (less that 4% of their standard type rate) - so big decisions - do I pay the £60 punds to leave the contract and fix til 2017 - pay more at the outset (my prioces will go up by £15 a month in the current contract and npower is fixed to 2017 and would cost and extra £21 month fromt he current one.... Anyone used Npower - I keep hearing horror stories. Any favourable reports or experiences with others like EDF (they have a very similar fix on offer.) It seems the choice is to pay more now in the hope that the worst of the price rises - don't you just love the way everything is going up...not.

SO today I have paid off the various Credit cards though two are set up with direct debit payments which head out of the account early in the month - now down to £19769:T I know its big numbers still but I am so pleased to be safely under the £20K mark.:A Here's the the next £1000.

And as for paying the debt off more quickly - I think one of the earlier posters on my thread really gave me a good perspective - about setting acheivable payments back and keep to this consistently rather than make life a complete misery through cuts (you only have to look at the NHS where I work to see the really great effect that is having on how we all feel working there) - afterall - we have lives to live now and kids to watch grow and smile and build loving relationships - austerity as a lifestyle can be made fun and it has been really important to me to gets the kids on board with that, and I think if I cut really hard, yes I might pay it back a bit faster, but at what other cost.... not one that I am willing to pay.

MiMi66 · 27 October 2013 at 9:47PM

Granariesgirl wrote: »

What my group of friends started to do at the start of the Big Crisis in 2008 was to say "No pressies - we all go out for a damn good meal together, each pays her own meal & that is our Xmas present to each other." Worked like a dream, all were so relieved that no pressie worries & the present of stress-free time with each other was all we needed or wanted for Xmas. Nobody has broken the agreement by buying & anyway if they had we others would be more angry than guilty.
If you warn people you're broke & they buy anyway, that's THEIR choice & it's not up to you to feel guilty!

If you really want to give pressies, how about home-made truffles in recycled jamjars or in Xmas paper, mini bottles of rum/brandy which you add spices to, even Xmas cookies or an IOU for an evening of babysitting so they can go out (that's worth £20 at least!)?
These are presents that show you've made an effort & THOUGHT rather than just thrown money at the "problem"!

Post Xmas income drop: cross that bridge when you come to it, worrying won't make it better.
Water company: not a top priority at the moment,
DON'T FEEL GUILTY!

Envying couples & their joint income: don't waste your time, somebody is ALWAYS better off/ happier/ slimmer/whatever than you - but then they have s### to deal with elsewhere that you just don't see (& it could be worse than yours)!
Also not all couples have a joint income & when OH works long & hard at a paid job while SAHM (or D) does volunteer work, childcare & their bit for the Big Society; the Tax man hammers them for extra tax on the single income, NOT taking into account the money the government would have had to spend on Carers, Teaching Assistants etc. had those people not been around to do those unpaid, unrespected & utterly taken-for-granted roles!
Sorry, still having trouble adjusting to the family & child-UNfriendly attitude of HMRC towards ordinary working families after being in pro-family France where childcare is tax-deductible, each child reduces your income tax etc...

:TYou are doing FINE! Give yourself a round of applause for playing the hand you have been dealt so well!:T

I have utter & complete admiration for single working mums who juggle 1000 balls with no partner to chuck them to when things get tough: without OH I would be a gibbering, dribbling loony cowering in my corner while the kids ran riot & bailiffs removed all the furniture...
I envy you all your ability to keep going on your own, earn money & keep your families together, while looking great at the school gate.
You see, everyone is envious of someone else!:rotfl:

Graneriesgirl - what a lovely thumbs up motivational post - I am highly likely to follow through on the Christmas present embargo - in fact I may have been one of those irritating people who bought things for others last year when they were in a tight place and likely embarrassed and annoyed them - deep shame. So I shall trundle off to Boots and do my returns.....lesson learnt and thank you for the ideas. I really am warming to the idea of a shared meal. I shall suggest it.

And I shall rein in my green eyed monster - I do have to admit to suffering with the envy of the double income crowd. But the point you made about the unappreciated and unwaged volunteering workforce that many mums and dads is a good point.

And I am sure you wouldn't really turn into a gibbering dribbling loonie in the corner if you had to sdo it all solo - afterall there is the lovely forum friends for moral support, is certainly helps to get through those times (plus the pills....if I had spare cash I would buy up shares in antidepressants:D)

julie2710 · 27 October 2013 at 10:53PM

Hi Mimi66

Just catching up on what you've been up to and thought I would update you on the date front! I did have a second date! He took me out for a meal which was lovely, the meal that is! Other than that....... Well I don't know really

There just seemed to be a bit of a spark missing and I found myself thinking that I wasn't really that bothered about seeing him again. Can't put my finger on what it was it just didn't seem right for me. Now I'm kicking myself because those two dates cost me £40 in childminders fees! What a waste :mad: :rotfl:

Oh well back to the drawing board and single life again! It's a tough slog but I'm sat here full of cold in my onesie, with a hot water bottle to snuggle up to as I have no heating still, listening to the pouring rain and the gale outside hoping to god nothing gets blown away or damaged but grateful that I don't have to worry about what I look like as my boys love me just as I am

Congrats on getting back under that £20k mark! One small step and all that :j

oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

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