Changing habits, wanting freedom

NoOneAround · 4 January 2017 at 10:58AM

Morning jvr - finally made it to your page! Happy New Year!
Sounds like you have made a great start on all fronts.

NOA
x

jvr · 4 January 2017 at 11:32AM

Helloo everyone!

Misty... that's crazy amount good for you for saying no! To be fair my sister is being pretty good.... I am organising her hen do and she had two main requests.. firstly that it is low energy (she has chronic fatigue so never know if she will be well enough to do much) and secondly that it is affordable. She left me in charge as new I would stick to this and I have had to use the words 'this is not a democracy' with bridesmaids to explain why not hiring a massage therapist or doing sky diving. We are doing a mosaic session with a good friend and then having afternoon tea in OH's event room (free room). On the other hand her fianc! is very well off and so are his friends so looking at a fairly expensive full weekend for the stags!! Since OH is groomsmen its difficult to get out of. For the actual wedding she has booked us cottages so for the two nights its £78 each which is not too bad considering won't have other costs since our outfits are provided. Weddings just feel stressful as close friend also getting married in august although I am sure she will not organise expensive hen do.

MistyMountainTop · 4 January 2017 at 12:35PM

At least your sister sounds reasonable! Mine has always been extremely selfish and thankfully we are not close. She's complained when her friends expect her to pay similar sums to be involved in their wedding plans yet had temper tantrums when her own wedding was not as much of a priority to others as it was to her. :mad:

SpekySquarehead · 4 January 2017 at 6:00PM

Well the good thing is though that you have no budgeted for it. If you're anything like me, in the past I would have just spent what was deemed necessary then worried about it later.

Honey_Bear · 4 January 2017 at 9:47PM

jvr wrote: »

Oooo good yes bought a few different curries to try and then will get some uncle bens rice packs for super easy fakeaways. OH saw them in the freezer and wants one tonight but we will have the left over fish pie and he can get over it! - he despises eating left overs!
Despite my horror at having to get up at 6.20am I did manage to cycle in whoop! did splash out on ordering a new bright light for my bike which was £22 so felt I had to and I felt much better for it... saving £60 a month on bus fairs has more than paid for the bits and bobs I had to buy for the bike. Hurting from my mini work out yesterday and off to yoga at lunch

Well done on the cycling to work, although I didn't realise that meant getting up at 6.20am *shudder*. I salute you.

My OH is addicted to those curried rice longlife packs which, for a long time, I could get two for £1 at a local poundshop but the last time I went they were all at 70p. I let OH buy them when he's doing the shopping now! They're a godsend when you're in a hurry to bung food in front of someone so I would hate not to have any in the cupboard despite the price. I've tried making my own and freezing it in portion sized batches but it just doesn't taste the same.

Hmmmm about despising leftovers. Everyone I know says that the best meal of Christmas is the Boxing Day one when all the cold meat and leftover veggies are served with mayonaise, pickles and chutneys. We have the equivalent of that meal every single week with the leftovers from the Sunday roast and it's just known as 'Favourite supper' on the mealplan. I regularly cook more than we need so that I have something prepared for another meal, like spiced red cabbage, often freezing two or three boxes for whenever it would be scrumptious with sausages or another roast. I genuinely would not know how to budget for food without 'finishing up' meals.

Weddings seem to have become a bit of a stage managed event thing over the last 20 years and I'm not convinced it's fair on everyone. Good on your sister for slowing things down so that she can have what she wants. I hope you both have a lovely, lovely time and thoroughly enjoy it.

*Healing vibes* for your aches and pains. That would indicate you need to slow down a bit and build up to the level that you want to do a bit more gradually.

jvr · 5 January 2017 at 10:46AM

Misty.... Luckily as my sister is too ill to work she understands having little money! But it is odd how people seem to think their weddings must be the highlight of everyone else's life... noticing it more and more! As I got married in South Africa obviously none of my friends could afford to come, I paid for the flight of one friend who is an amazing photographer in exchange for doing all our photos. Worked out fab for us both! But I didn't expect other people to fork out that much money with 6 months notice!
Hi Speky... yes this time I have realised need to set a little aside each month to cover it! I trained in beauty therapy so can do my make up, nails hair etc. myself... in fact maybe can cover the cost of the cottage offering to do the other bridesmaids haha

Honey - I love those rice packs always buy a stock when on offer and try to cook rice myself when I have time and save them for emergency lunch/ dinner. I always have leftovers for lunch/ dinner next day.. and to be honest not bothered eating the same meal few nights in a row... I liked it the first night so whats wrong the next one! Going to try Brizzle's trick and just alternate the left overs and see if he complains.
Still had sore legs yesterday so skipped the work out and will do it tonight now feeling better.... OH work was very quiet so he came home early and we went up to the local for a drink (after I ate my left over fish pie!!) its a bargain and I think we spent a fiver. Nipped to Tesco after as needed some salad things for my lunches and a few cupboard essentials ... OH snuck some treats into his trolley but I was very impressed to see his pastry's were from the yellow sticker section so I let him off! I also went up into town on my lunch break and spent about £40 on loads of beauty stuff... I normally have a very expensive foundation but can cope with a cheapie for now, got hair dye, shampoos, moisturisers etc. as seem to have run out of everything. Grabbed some cheapie facemasks which will be nice for chiller evening. Felt an expensive day (had driving lesson too) but it was all stuff that will last ages and a lot of it on offer.
Bus in today as left my bike here due to driving lesson but will cycle home.

Honey_Bear · 5 January 2017 at 1:38PM

Solid progress, JVR, and it sounds as though your OH is taking what you said about budgetting to heart. There will be slip ups on the way, but good on him and well done you.

Florence_J · 5 January 2017 at 2:04PM

Hi JVR,

I've just read your diary from start to finish, wow, what a journey!

I'm so glad you had the talk with your OH.

I'm not sure where you stand on it now as it hasn't been mentioned for a while, but if you are still trying to give up smoking I have experience in that.
I gave up smoking over a year ago and it was hard! I had tried to give up smoking at least 10 times previous and had failed after 9 days at most. In the end I gave up with no big fanfare, I didn't make a conscious decision that the day I stopped smoking would be THE day, it was just one Saturday in September 2015 I had my last cigarette and the next day I decided I wouldn't have any. And then I made it to the magical 10th day without caving in (which I remember seemed to be a day that was trying to test me as it was really stressful!!!)
I would say going completely cold turkey only works in a handful of cases. I would suggest doing some research and finding the replacement product that would work best for your lifestyle. I chose nicotine gum, and then I got addicted to that and finally stopped all nicotine products in February 2016.
There are lots of good apps, I think one is called smoke free, where you can input how much you smoked and how much it costs you each day and then input the day you gave up and it will tell you how much money you have saved.

Of course you may have given up by this point or don't need this advice but I thought I would mention it.

Have subscribed.

jvr · 5 January 2017 at 3:08PM

Hi Florence J... thanks for reading, it is mainly me rambling I think but I also share the rambling out by rambling in other peoples diaries too... I shall have to read this one back and remember what I put!

Sadly the smoking is still happening as I am sure you have guessed! Would have shouted from the roof tops if had stopped. Switched to rolling which saved me a fortune... still a lot more money could be saved by quitting I realise and there is that pesky issue of health! I get to three weeks and break every time. Tried tablets which made me depressed and then gum and patches which I just got very stressed and gave up. Looking back it was a hell of a stressful year at the beginning of 2016 with some horrible things happening... maybe I should stop assuming I will react the same and try again..... I know my issue with cold turkey would be the actual habit of doing something alongside the nicotine... its my breaks at work, what I do when bored, waiting for a bus. I have realised that I have based my life around fitting that cig in!
Thanks for your advice and will have a look at the apps... it is something I need to change so badly and as you can tell I have been busy burying head in sand over it!

JWPopps · 5 January 2017 at 3:54PM

Hello jvr!

Weddings are expensive and stressful... even when your friends/family are completely reasonable. I've been to 3 in the last year and have another two next year (so far...)

I was bridesmaid for my friend whose husband is also from SA - she had 12 bridesmaids! But she was so aware that none of us are rich, she didn't have a hen party at all, because her OH doesn't have enough friends in the UK yet for him to have had a stag so she thought it would make him unhappy - I don't know if it would have or not, he's a lovely man. Anyway, I had to pay to stay at the hotel they were getting married in, but it was like a holiday and she paid for my dress (£9.50 Dorothy Perkins! I still wear it for work sometimes!)

My stepsister's wedding was no bother, because we're only just close enough that I got an invite so I wasn't expected to be part of any of the other stuff.

My final friend got married in my hometown so that was nice, but she had her hen party in London. I couldn't go because there was no way I could afford it, and it was one of those things where I didn't actually know any of the other guests so my social anxieties would have gone through the roof...

I have to pay to go to France for my friend's wedding in 2017 though, which is fine as I've booked the hotel and flights and my OH is coming with me so social anxieties shouldn't be too bad. It's just the hen party I'm panicking about now, I've been added to a WhatsApp group with all her friends in France and the UK, and they're trying to settle on a weekend and I'm thinking 'can I really afford more flights?!' so we will just have to see. Tbh I'm not a hen party kind of girl.

Anyway, that's my wedding-related ramble! I hope your sister's hen goes really well, I'll be honest - a mosaic session and chilled out afternoon tea sound divine as far as I'm concerned, so I hope your sister's other friends grow up and realise that maybe they weren't asked to organise it for a reason!!

Changing habits, wanting freedom

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