Child custody when I work full time - advice needed

I'm offering only problems and no answers. This is really difficult, but the only options I see are:

1. UK go the whole hog like Sweden. Male 'abortions', males get equal paternity leave etc.
2. Take the clock back 100 years and make divorce fairly impossible.

This thread has shocked me so much that I've stopped lurking to comment. As a Swedish national, I have no idea what male abortions are but I can assure you that men do not get to decide whether or not their partner has an abortion, nor can they "opt out" of being a parent pre-birth. We have much farer paternity leave laws but with that comes the expectation that housework and childcare are split 50-50. I'm assuming the "turn back the clock" suggestion was a tasteless joke?! I find the hatred you seem to express for women rather shocking. Perhaps you should try to address that. Do you realise that your "turn back the clocks" joke is reference to a time when women were legally incredibly vulnerable and trapped in marriage to ensure men have undisturbed access to housework, childcare and sex. Making such a joke implies that you think that's fine.

I've been in the UK for a while and I work in a legal field, but not family law, so this isn't legal advice. It hard to know what you're hoping to achieve from posting here. Assuming you are UK based, there is no such thing as "child custody". Custody is for prisoners. Child residency agreements are decided based on the best interests of the child. It would be difficult, but not impossible, for you to argue that it is better for your child to be in professional childcare (which is cripplingly expensive) or a potential new partner, than with their mother. As you admit you wouldn't be available to bring your children home from daycare, I hope you get a more solid plan than that before you try! You'd have an extra high burden because you'd be arguing for a significant change from the status quo and you're not willing or able to change your career to put yourself in a position to care for them yourself. If you honestly believe that your wife is so negligent that your children would not be safe in her care then you must do something to change that now, no matter what the impact on your career is. If they're safe with her now then there is no reason to assume they wouldn't be post-divorce.

You give the impression of not really understanding how hard it is to look after children. If you have a 0 year old child, presumably your wife had a baby within the last few months. Of course she's tired! Has she recovered from the birth yet? Is the baby sleeping through yet? Are you getting up to look after it in the night if not? Letting the 4 year old watch TV is not enough evidence alone to decide that she is a lazy or unfit parent. If you didn't like her work ethic before you had children, why on earth did you have children together?! As for complaining that your child runs to you and expects some attention from you when you get home from work, I'm shocked. If you're not willing to even do 50% of the evening and weekend child-related-work are you sure you'd manage with sole responsibility for them all day?

"Spousal maintenance" is rare in the UK and is designed to function something like compensation to a spouse who sacrificed a career to facilitate their partner's. As you openly state that your job requires you to be able to travel a lot, your wife probably is facilitating your career to a high degree because you wouldn't have the flexibility to do that is she wasn't at home holding the fort. Her career options would be limited to things which would fit in around childcare and your career. If you had 50-50 residency, so you've got your children Sunday - Tuesday or Wednesday, how would you manage? What about days in the future when your children are off school sick? When they've been up all night? When they have a class assembly in the morning, the only dentist appointment available for them is at 2pm or a trip that comes home too late for after school club? If your job is inflexible then these are things you need to plan for because at the moment your wife is facilitating you having both the inflexible job and the children.

It sounds like you're really unhappy in the status quo, and I'm sorry for you for that. But a future in which you don't change your career at all and somehow become the resident parent at least 50% of the time doesn't sound realistic and it is your children who would miss out. Your wife might have PND or she might just be exhausted from having a new baby, a small child and a husband who seems to resent her and not recognise her contribution. Things might get better as your youngest gets older but it sounds like you'd be wise to start changing your lifestyle now so that you are logistically and emotionally able to care for your children should this end in divorce.