Boyfriend Not Saving

Diary · 5 September 2017 at 10:01PM

I really feel for the OP, from what I've read she's being duped by her boyfriend and her dad.

OP at your young age you really shouldn't have to make your relationship work with your boyfriend - can't bring myself to type 'partner' as he sounds so far removed from that term - he's hiding something or doesn't feel the same way about commitment as you do. Don't get yourself so financially entwined it takes years to remove your boyfriend from your life.

goodwithsaving · 5 September 2017 at 10:12PM

We're only hearing the OPs side of the story here.......don't be so quick to judge her boyfriend.

indiepanda · 6 September 2017 at 7:11AM

When I was buying my first home in the 90s it wasn't that unusual to be buying your own home that young, but 24 is quite young to be buying a home by today's standards. Maybe he understands the logic of doing so (hence having agreed to it in the first place) but is uncomfortable with the reality and so is rebelling by spending his money frivolously?

Not saying it's ok and yes he should be talking to you about it, but sometimes people aren't self aware enough to be able to articulate to themselves why they are acting in a certain way, much less explain it to anyone else. Or it could be he is scared to admit how he does feel about it as it's hard to separate commitment to buying the home from commitment to the relationship and he might be uncomfortable with the former but not the latter, and not want to risk losing you.

I am not the first person on this thread to be confused by the arrangement you have with your Dad and how the finances stack up... which makes me wonder if possibly the issue is your boyfriend too feels like he is being ripped off but is uncomfortable discussing it as it's challenging your father?

At the end of the day, all this is hypothesis and the only way to find out is to talk calmly about it with your boyfriend, but not from an accusatory "you said you would do X and you aren't doing it perspective" but a "here's what I am observing, and this is how I am feeling as result, and I'd like to understand how you are feeling" Good luck.

Kayalana99 · 6 September 2017 at 9:16AM

Why is this so confusing?

The Dad bought the property to rent to his daugther so in future she could buy it, it was never a gift, it was him giving her a helping hand as she (them?!) wanted the house so they choose to do it this way so he put a large chunk of money into buying it.

I can only assume, that if they were renting another property it would be on par with £750 in rent. Why should the Dad give her a discount off a rental property? He's got money invested in this property that he could easily be charging someone else £750 so why should he just HAND her £100's a month that would have been in his pocket if someone else was in the house?

Are parents really expected to pay for their children even through adult hood? He's spent 18 + years paying out for day trips, food, roof over her head ,yet all he gets is bashed for now (hopefully) using his money to enjoy his life with the freedrom that comes from not having kids and not giving them more handouts (which they obvouisly don't need if they can afford £750 a month in rent + £700 to save)

Honestly OP, I'd make no plans for him to have half the house or get married anytime soon.

Guest101 · 6 September 2017 at 10:08AM

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Why is this so confusing?

The Dad bought the property to rent to his daugther so in future she could buy it, it was never a gift, it was him giving her a helping hand as she (them?!) wanted the house so they choose to do it this way so he put a large chunk of money into buying it.

I can only assume, that if they were renting another property it would be on par with £750 in rent. Why should the Dad give her a discount off a rental property? He's got money invested in this property that he could easily be charging someone else £750 so why should he just HAND her £100's a month that would have been in his pocket if someone else was in the house?

Are parents really expected to pay for their children even through adult hood? He's spent 18 + years paying out for day trips, food, roof over her head ,yet all he gets is bashed for now (hopefully) using his money to enjoy his life with the freedrom that comes from not having kids and not giving them more handouts (which they obvouisly don't need if they can afford £750 a month in rent + £700 to save)

Honestly OP, I'd make no plans for him to have half the house or get married anytime soon.

The reason it's confusing is because the OP says in the first 4 years she paid £3,600, which is approx. £75 a month.

The second reason is that we don't know what happens to the mortgage once they have the £50,000 together.

No parents aren't expected to provide free housing. BUT parents shouldn't look to profit from their children either. That's my opinion anyway.

han_nah95_2 · 6 September 2017 at 10:18AM

Guest101 wrote: »

The reason it's confusing is because the OP says in the first 4 years she paid £3,600, which is approx. £75 a month.

The second reason is that we don't know what happens to the mortgage once they have the £50,000 together.

No parents aren't expected to provide free housing. BUT parents shouldn't look to profit from their children either. That's my opinion anyway.

I paid £200 a month for 18 months!

I either buy the house off my dad £50,000 less or I put it towards a deposit for another home.

Guest101 · 6 September 2017 at 10:32AM

han_nah95 wrote: »

I paid £200 a month for 18 months!

I either buy the house off my dad £50,000 less or I put it towards a deposit for another home.

So there is absolutely no benefit to you in this deal? How would the house be valued? What happens to the mortgage?

I feel sorry for your boyfriend, you are impossible to talk to!

han_nah95_2 · 6 September 2017 at 10:43AM

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Why is this so confusing?

The Dad bought the property to rent to his daugther so in future she could buy it, it was never a gift, it was him giving her a helping hand as she (them?!) wanted the house so they choose to do it this way so he put a large chunk of money into buying it. This was the decision me and my dad made when he originally bought it. I would have a starter home in the future to move into to be able to buy it off him minus whatever I had paid back. However with my bf suggesting last year to move into it happened sooner than expected.

I can only assume, that if they were renting another property it would be on par with £750 in rent. Why should the Dad give her a discount off a rental property? He's got money invested in this property that he could easily be charging someone else £750 so why should he just HAND her £100's a month that would have been in his pocket if someone else was in the house? Completely agree, why should he reduce the cost because I'm his daughter. He has already given me £50,000 to pay back over a long period of time. All he cares about is getting the £50,000 back. If when we have that £50,000 and decide or have seen another house we can buy we get the £50,000 back and all profit the house has made goes to dad. If we want to buy the house still we give dad the £50,000 buy the house for that amount less.

Are parents really expected to pay for their children even through adult hood? He's spent 18 + years paying out for day trips, food, roof over her head ,yet all he gets is bashed for now (hopefully) using his money to enjoy his life with the freedrom that comes from not having kids and not giving them more handouts (which they obvouisly don't need if they can afford £750 a month in rent + £700 to save) My father has worked every hour he can and some would say unluckily for me I have picked that up from him. Everything me and my sisters have asked for we have got (to some extent) we haven't missed out on school trips / holidays. And both sisters also have a house when they are ready. Luckily both me and my bf are in well paid jobs and I have worked full time since leaving school (6 years ago) and looking we both can live comfortably with £750 rent and £350 each of savings plus our regular "rainy day savings".

Honestly OP, I'd make no plans for him to have half the house or get married anytime soon.

Thankyou and after speaking to dad last night it is best to keep everything in dads name, keep individual savings account and see what happens. Have arranged a "meeting" with bf tonight so hopefully I can get some more answers / opinions from him....

Guest101 · 6 September 2017 at 10:47AM

han_nah95 wrote: »

Thankyou and after speaking to dad last night it is best to keep everything in dads name, keep individual savings account and see what happens. Have arranged a "meeting" with bf tonight so hopefully I can get some more answers / opinions from him....

That really does say it all, I'm out - goodluck to you and your BF, I really think you'll need it.

han_nah95_2 · 6 September 2017 at 10:49AM

Guest101 wrote: »

So there is absolutely no benefit to you in this deal? How would the house be valued? What happens to the mortgage?

I feel sorry for your boyfriend, you are impossible to talk to!

Mortgage is in buy to let so we would have to "buy it" from my dad minus the £50,000 and the profit the house makes me and my bf receives. Dad just wants his £50,000 back.
The benefit is me buying a house off my dad at a lot cheaper rate - me currently paying £750 for rent is nothing to do with my dad and what he is making. That was both of our decisions to rent it for that cost to cover the mortgage.

Luckily your not my boyfriend if I'm impossible to talk to! However this is typing not talking and communication is something I find hard to do over a computer

Boyfriend Not Saving

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