mum coming to live with me - sharing bills?
Comments
-
tessiesmummy wrote: »No because it's something I feel strongly about. And it's not a case of cant but more wont or dont want to make any sacrifices !!!55357;!!!56842;
Now that our parents are often living longer, do you have any idea how old some of their offspring actually are? The ones who you believe should be caring for their parent/s. My mother's best friend has a son of 81.
Looking around when attending meetings at my mother's residential home (into which, by the way, she admitted herself against my wishes) most of the offspring are in their 60s and 70s.
My children have been told, in no uncertain terms, that they are not to look after either of us.0 -
There is also the problem that if you build an extension, this is a permanent structure which will probably cause your property to be liable for increased Council Tax. If you mother is only living with you for a matter of months and then passes away, you are still have to live with the extension and the increased council tax indefinitely for however many years you continue to live in the property.0
-
There is also the problem that if you build an extension, this is a permanent structure which will probably cause your property to be liable for increased Council Tax. If you mother is only living with you for a matter of months and then passes away, you are still have to live with the extension and the increased council tax indefinitely for however many years you continue to live in the property.
Yeah but the house is worth more...not saying the case in this instance.0 -
This is an interesting subject. I think intention counts for a lot. If someone has the intention to care for an elderly relative but then can't because they become too unwell they shouldn't feel guilty. If the elderly person becomes a danger to themselves or others for example.
If however its just a bit inconvenient then shame on them. We could learn a lot from societies where the elderly are respected.
When i worked for the council I remember speaking to a woman whose mum was in a residential home. The mum had fallen and broken her arm. The home called the daughter who said she was too busy to attend! The daughter then called the council to try and get them to pay the cost of the taxi that took her mum back from the hospital.
To be fair we don't know what the parent / child relationship was like historically but in many cases I think kids are just selfish, lazy and ungrateful.0 -
Then shame on the daughter...:mad:When i worked for the council I remember speaking to a woman whose mum was in a residential home. The mum had fallen and broken her arm. The home called the daughter who said she was too busy to attend! The daughter then called the council to try and get them to pay the cost of the taxi that took her mum back from the hospital.
To be fair we don't know what the parent / child relationship was like historically but in many cases I think kids are just selfish, lazy and ungrateful.0 -
Fireflyaway wrote: »If however its just a bit inconvenient then shame on them.
What about if your parents didn't treat you well? Still shame on them? Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge. Neglectful, cruel and abusive parents get old too.0 -
This is an interesting subject. I think intention counts for a lot. If someone has the intention to care for an elderly relative but then can't because they become too unwell they shouldn't feel guilty. If the elderly person becomes a danger to themselves or others for example.!
Thankyou you articulated it much better than I did!!! I know it's not a cut and dry subject and I see some absolutely wonderful families who visit their relative in a care home and are very much part of their life. I see many many many more people that are left forgotten and an inconvenience to their families. It has brought me to tears a handful of times when I have seen these most amazing people caring about their loved ones so much. What I was trying to say is that it is sad that it is a rarity and the OP is doing a wonderful thing.0 -
You'd think a nurse of all people, would understand how stressful looking after elderly people can be.
Nurses and carers are paid to do this work (though not enough IMO), and get to leave it all behind at the end of their shift. Family don't. Perhaps you think I should have cared for my dementia-stricken mother and been punched, kicked and screamed at - all while I was going through cancer treatment? No? Let's leave it to my sister then. Never mind that she works, has children, and didn't live near Mum. She can give up her job, the measly carer's allowance will help pay her mortgage.
I applaud anyone who feels up to caring for a parent. But it is incredibly challenging in many cases and not everyone can do it. While a small minority may be thinking of the inheritance, most of us just want the best for our parents. Personally I advised my sister not to give into the pressure to take Mum in. That was not because I don't care. Quite the opposite. I cared for an ex with MH issues and it nearly destroyed me. That is why I didn't want my sister's health put at risk. So please don't judge people and assume they're trying to preserve an inheritance.tessiesmummy wrote: »
I can't believe the amount of people on this thread who think it is an awful idea. these are the same ones thay will be giving the care home and hospital staff grief saying care isnt upto scratch when they pop in for 10 minutes once a week; and they'll be going mad over their 'inheritance' getting wasted on said care fees.
If people looked after their elderly like they traditionally did then we wouldnt have the NHS and Health and Social care crisis that we have now. I am an experienced registered nurse and it is a sad fact that people dump their relatives in A&E for holidays/ xmas/ nights out.0 -
Amber_Sunshine wrote: »You'd think a nurse of all people, would understand how stressful looking after elderly people can be.
Nurses and carers are paid to do this work (though not enough IMO), and get to leave it all behind at the end of their shift. Family don't. Perhaps you think I should have cared for my dementia-stricken mother and been punched, kicked and screamed at - all while I was going through cancer treatment? No? Let's leave it to my sister then. Never mind that she works, has children, and didn't live near Mum. She can give up her job, the measly carer's allowance will help pay her mortgage.
I applaud anyone who feels up to caring for a parent. But it is incredibly challenging in many cases and not everyone can do it. While a small minority may be thinking of the inheritance, most of us just want the best for our parents. Personally I advised my sister not to give into the pressure to take Mum in. That was not because I don't care. Quite the opposite. I cared for an ex with MH issues and it nearly destroyed me. That is why I didn't want my sister's health put at risk. So please don't judge people and assume they're trying to preserve an inheritance.
I completely agree. An ideal situation, in an earlier age, has been quoted. I don't think that happy loving family situation was ever more than an ideal. I read of one instance where a daughter took in her aged mother, because mother could make herself useful in keeping an eye on the kids, peel potatoes, do a bit of mending etc. Dad had to go into the workhouse because there was no room for him. I also know of one instance in my own family where they 'couldn't do with her at home'. I don't think it can ever have been as happy and rosy as some people make out.
It must also be remembered that, as we keep hearing, we are an 'ageing society'. In other words, people are living much longer than they used to. The NHS is a victim of its own success, has helped us deal with many health problems that in an earlier period of time would have carried us off.
In an earlier life, while coping with widowhood, redundancy, a mortgage and insufficient money, I used to go away living with an elderly person as a full-time carer for 2 weeks at a time. That was a real eye-opener as to what could happen. I could write a book...[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Æ[/FONT]r ic wisdom funde, [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]æ[/FONT]r wear[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]ð[/FONT] ic eald.
Before I found wisdom, I became old.0 -
Red-Squirrel wrote: »What about if your parents didn't treat you well? Still shame on them? Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to judge. Neglectful, cruel and abusive parents get old too.
I doubt very much that every "child" who neglects their parents does so because their parents were cruel and abusive.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 607.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173K Life & Family
- 247.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards