Small Steps Out Of Massive Debt!

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  • I've been stewing on a few things over the weekend so I thought I'd have a good old whinge about it and then hopefully get over them (a bit anyway :p ). Feel free to skip this post :)

    I try to stay positive on this diary but there are times when I am so thoroughly sick of money saving and debt busting. I know that I've managed to make a good dent in the debt but I look at my spreadsheet sometimes and feel completely sick at the amount of money that I still owe.

    I've realised how much this debt is stopping me from living the life I want : I don't own my home, I don't have children (to be completely honest, we've decided that we cannot even think about a baby in our current financial situation), I have to think about every single purchase and it takes me five times as long to do something as simple as buying a pair of jeans because I'm checking cashback sites, shifting money from rewards and comparing prices for the best possible deal. It doesn't come naturally to me but I'm constantly fighting against the habits that the "old" GC developed because my debt-free date is also the "start of my new life" date. Looking at my debt spreadsheet and seeing a date three years away as the earliest possible time to start thinking about a baby is so depressing, and worse than that is the horrible gut twisting feeling of guilt that I have brought this situation on myself :(

    Since my light bulb moment, I've realised how many of my financial habits were deeply unhealthy and a way of masking/"coping" with deeper problems, so I'm trying to address these as well as pay down the debt. Otherwise I have no doubt that I'll be in even worse again a few years down the line, and I'll never be in the position to have that life.
  • kirtsypoos
    kirtsypoos Posts: 3,824
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post Cashback Cashier
    Forumite
    I completely feel for you with the whole of that post GC, debt busting is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done. In my case my only motivation was a baby - if I'm honest I wouldn't have had my LBM if I hadn't had a timeline on the baby issue, I had completely buried my head in the sand!

    The things that you are doing now that aren't quite second nature yet (cashback sites, reward monies etc) will become second nature - I promise. It just takes time! You'll soon find yourself lecturing friends and family about the 'free money' they could get from cashback sites ;)

    Also, remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint and it will not always be plain sailing. I think there is an element of self sabotage at some point for most people who are debt busting because sometimes it is just rubbish, it's not going as quickly as you would like it to, you still feel you deserve a treat (and guess what - you do! Just perhaps not to the 'treat' extent of before)

    I'm really pleased you are addressing the coping mechanism aspect of previous spending as it's so easy to get sucked back in to it.

    You are doing so well, and you are allowed rubbish days! As you move more debt onto 0% CCs the light at the end of the tunnel will become ever clearer. The snowball calculator is your friend - every extra payment that you make from a PA payout or an ebay sale will have an impact on that at some point.

    I hope this post doesn't sound patronising, it's just that some of your comments really resonated with me and having been there, sometimes a bit of cheerleading and someone who understands can really help!
    :j PAID VERY, Barclaycard x3, Vanquis, Natwest, O/D, Tesco & MBNA x2 PAID :j LBM 24/07/15 - Original Debt: £0/31010.23 (100% paid) :eek:
    Mortgage - £151.316.54 :eek:
  • Thank you Kirsty, I really appreciate your post and it is not patronising at all! It is really good to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation and to take a moment to remember that there IS light at the end of the tunnel even though sometimes it feels like I'm standing in the dark :)

    I am feeling a bit down at the moment as my Facebook feed is a flurry of baby pictures and six of my good friends are either pregnant or have recently had children. That plus the inevitable "ooh so when is it your turn" comments from various family members have me a bit :(
    I suppose on the plus side, our debt repayments are about the same my friends are spending on nursery/childcare so I could look at this as financial practice ;)
  • Hiddenidenity
    Hiddenidenity Posts: 5,423 Forumite
    Thank you Kirsty, I really appreciate your post and it is not patronising at all! It is really good to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation and to take a moment to remember that there IS light at the end of the tunnel even though sometimes it feels like I'm standing in the dark :)

    I am feeling a bit down at the moment as my Facebook feed is a flurry of baby pictures and six of my good friends are either pregnant or have recently had children. That plus the inevitable "ooh so when is it your turn" comments from various family members have me a bit :(
    I suppose on the plus side, our debt repayments are about the same my friends are spending on nursery/childcare so I could look at this as financial practice ;)

    After my sh!tstorm in March I deleted ALL social media, Deactivated everything. The difference in my mood is amazing! Yes I still have 'fed up' days etc that's a part of me, however its so much easier than see everyone else's perfect little lives. Honestly I will never go back on SM again. I guess here is sort of SM but when you don't have friends/family rubbing in how ideal their world is and how they have no worries/perfect their kids are etc etc its so much easier.

    There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there, we all have our own journey and no 2 are the same, enjoy it even if it is at a slower pace than you had in mind at the start. You've done and do amazing just remember that ((Hugs)) x
  • Peabody_2
    Peabody_2 Posts: 276 Forumite
    Don't feel down, about the baby thing. I was feeling like that when friends had theirs last year (he's just over 1 now) then you listen to them complain about the sleepless nights and the cost of formula etc.

    I think you're being very sensible and waiting until you've cleared the debt. It'll be your turn eventually in the meantime enjoy playing Auntie to all you friends kids.

    When you feel fed up about the debt, just remember how far you've come (I need to remember this myself) I think you're doing amazingly! :T
    Total at 9th Feb 12 - £17,500 :eek: Now - £6,851.05
    Loan - £6022.05, [STRIKE]Card 1 - £3293.85,[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]Card 2 - £2287.04[/STRIKE], Sofa - £825.00
    Wedding Pot - £0.00 :o
  • Peabody_2
    Peabody_2 Posts: 276 Forumite
    After my sh!tstorm in March I deleted ALL social media, Deactivated everything. The difference in my mood is amazing! Yes I still have 'fed up' days etc that's a part of me, however its so much easier than see everyone else's perfect little lives. Honestly I will never go back on SM again. I guess here is sort of SM but when you don't have friends/family rubbing in how ideal their world is and how they have no worries/perfect their kids are etc etc its so much easier.

    There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there, we all have our own journey and no 2 are the same, enjoy it even if it is at a slower pace than you had in mind at the start. You've done and do amazing just remember that ((Hugs)) x

    I've come to the conclusion that most of these lives probably aren't perfect. Well that's what I'm hoping anyway :rotfl:

    I say that as I have a close friend who on the surface has that perfect FB life, with the beautiful kids etc. and I know she has over £150k of debt and is really struggling but dealing with it now.

    I agree there is light at the end of the tunnel and I think our journeys make us stronger people, and while I wish I'd never got into debt it has helped me be the person I am now and I like her a bit :D
    Total at 9th Feb 12 - £17,500 :eek: Now - £6,851.05
    Loan - £6022.05, [STRIKE]Card 1 - £3293.85,[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]Card 2 - £2287.04[/STRIKE], Sofa - £825.00
    Wedding Pot - £0.00 :o
  • kirtsypoos
    kirtsypoos Posts: 3,824
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post Cashback Cashier
    Forumite
    I am feeling a bit down at the moment as my Facebook feed is a flurry of baby pictures and six of my good friends are either pregnant or have recently had children. That plus the inevitable "ooh so when is it your turn" comments from various family members have me a bit :(
    I suppose on the plus side, our debt repayments are about the same my friends are spending on nursery/childcare so I could look at this as financial practice ;)

    Understand this completely! About halfway through my DF journey my sister and one of my best friends announced they were pregnant within a week or so and there have been loads since and each one I'm so happy for but god it hurts to see. I always feel so selfish but I think it's quite a normal reaction.
    I think nobody should be allowed to ask when it's your turn etc as it really is horrible, especially when you have reasons that you don't want to disclose or if it's not happening!

    You are so right about nursery payments though - a local nursery to us charges about £70 a month less than I was paying back at the height of my repayments so if I could still survive before, it's been good practice :rotfl:
    :j PAID VERY, Barclaycard x3, Vanquis, Natwest, O/D, Tesco & MBNA x2 PAID :j LBM 24/07/15 - Original Debt: £0/31010.23 (100% paid) :eek:
    Mortgage - £151.316.54 :eek:
  • JoJoC
    JoJoC Posts: 1,836 Forumite
    Hey GC - just wanted to stop by with some support and a pat on the back. I, too, understand your frustrations with getting through the drudgery of debt busting, especially when it's not a short term solution. This is just one of the lows of your rollercoaster, there will be highs again and it's not forever. Don't let it bring you down.

    I'm sorry you're feeling so low about the children thing - can i tell you about my perspective? I, of course, wouldn't have it any other way, but i'm 29, got married at 22 and had my first child at 24 with no savings at all behind us. Childcare x1 was rubbishly high but we managed and our plan was to do our flat up, overpay to get out of negative equity then buy a new house before thinking about having a second.

    Nature took its own course though and when my son was 1 year 10 months, I was pregnant again so we made the decision to keep our flat on and buy a house anyway...with virtually no leftover savings and an increasing pot of debt. So with two kids under 2.5 I had to go back to work when DS2 was 6 months old and that's when the £1.4k monthly childcare payments started.

    What I'm getting at is that although I'd never change the way things happened because things are beginning to come good now with a lot of hard work, but if I'd have chosen my path, I'd have waited to have kids until we were much more financially stable.

    I think you're doing the right thing making a dent in everything now and working towards becoming debt-free. There's nothing wrong with doing it the other way but it could be so much harder in the long run.

    I'm sorry you're feeling stuck and unable to move forward. I don't feel like that on the child front of course, but I do feel like that in many other ways.

    I feel like this has come out all in a jumble, but I hope you understand my sentiment.
    CC1: £4481.14/ £5031.14 (12% paid off, £600) | CC2:£3307/ £3807 (14.4% paid off, £550) | Loan: £10,528.20/ £15,792.30((33% paid off, £5,264))

    July debt total: £24,630.44 | New debt total: £18,316.34 | Total debt paid: £6,414.10 (26%)
    *My debt busting and savings diary*
  • Silver_Queen
    Silver_Queen Posts: 824 Forumite
    GC, just wanted to say you're doing really well. Sorry about the kids thing :( my OH and I probably won't be able to afford kids for another 8-10 years and he's 30 so I would like to think that I kind of understand. :smileyhea
    Debt Totals July 2019::
    [STRIKE]£350 Natwest Credit Card [/STRIKE]/ ]Now £0 (paid off and closed 04/2017) £15,500 postgrad loan from parents/ Now £7,000 £5,000 sister loan/ Now £0[STRIKE]£500 train ticket loan from parents [/STRIKE]/ Now £0 (paid off 16/02/18)[STRIKE]£2,000 Overdraft[/STRIKE] Now £0 (paid off 09/03/18) £1,967.83 Barclays 0% card Now £0
    Total £7,000
  • Bobarella
    Bobarella Posts: 10,824
    Savvy Shopper! I've been Money Tipped!
    Forumite
    I've been stewing on a few things over the weekend so I thought I'd have a good old whinge about it and then hopefully get over them (a bit anyway :p ). Feel free to skip this post :)

    I try to stay positive on this diary but there are times when I am so thoroughly sick of money saving and debt busting. I know that I've managed to make a good dent in the debt but I look at my spreadsheet sometimes and feel completely sick at the amount of money that I still owe.

    I've realised how much this debt is stopping me from living the life I want : I don't own my home, I don't have children (to be completely honest, we've decided that we cannot even think about a baby in our current financial situation), I have to think about every single purchase and it takes me five times as long to do something as simple as buying a pair of jeans because I'm checking cashback sites, shifting money from rewards and comparing prices for the best possible deal. It doesn't come naturally to me but I'm constantly fighting against the habits that the "old" GC developed because my debt-free date is also the "start of my new life" date. Looking at my debt spreadsheet and seeing a date three years away as the earliest possible time to start thinking about a baby is so depressing, and worse than that is the horrible gut twisting feeling of guilt that I have brought this situation on myself :(

    Since my light bulb moment, I've realised how many of my financial habits were deeply unhealthy and a way of masking/"coping" with deeper problems, so I'm trying to address these as well as pay down the debt. Otherwise I have no doubt that I'll be in even worse again a few years down the line, and I'll never be in the position to have that life.

    That is not a winge! Thats got to be the standard thing that all of us in debtors have thought many times. If only I hadnt done it in the first place! You are just 100% normal. Sometimes its easier than others to use that feeling to channel all your efforts into debt slaying, and other times you just want to cry and have a good 'why me' at no one in particular.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe":D

    Debt neutral :) 27/03/17 from £40k:eek: in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
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