Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband contribute more to our finances?

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  • matt_66
    matt_66 Posts: 93 Forumite
    Savvy Shopper!
    svain wrote: »
    Absolutely nothing wrong with separate accounts if done properly. Joint accounts, as is marriage is an outdated concept. Couples can have very happy and successful lives together without either

    :T

    Couldn't agree more.

    A joint account is only needed for household bills. We pay in an amount proportionate to our respective incomes. I pay 60% of the bills as I earn more. My wife pays in 40%.

    The rest of our income is to do as we please as long as we each have enough leftover when R&R or holidays need paying more.
    2016 saver #80 - £8,379 / £11,000
  • PipneyJane
    PipneyJane Posts: 4,055 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post I've been Money Tipped!
    Yes, it is unfair. You are effectively subsidising his lifestyle.

    I will admit that my last statement may be a bit unfair, without knowing exactly what he pays for in your relationship. When you go out, do you pay your share or does he pay for everything? What about holidays? Treats? Nights out? (Do you have children? Who pays their costs?)

    Married finances is about more than just the mortgage, utility bills and council tax. Start a spreadsheet and list down everything you pay for directly, everything he pays for directly, all the current joint bills, the groceries, etc. When you ask your DH for details, tell him that you’ve resolved to get your joint finances under control in 2018 and am making an early start. If he pushes just say “We earn all this money; it’d be nice to see something from it at the end of the year” and leave it at that.

    Only when you have the full picture, can you actually determine if the way you split the bills is fair or unfair.

    FWIW, my husband and I split our bills in proportion to our salaries. Every time one of us changes job, I recalculate the split but, at the moment, It’s roughly 60:40, with me contributing approximately double because I earn considerably more than he does. A very sensible colleague – who managed the finances in her marriage - once told me that her goal was for both of them to have the same spending money/allowance each month, once all the bills were paid. And that is my aim: we each end up with the same play money. (NB: I save more and invest more but that’s OK because it’s for both our futures.)

    HTH.
    "Be the type of woman that when you get out of bed in the morning, the devil says 'Oh crap. She's up.' "

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  • karinaki
    karinaki Posts: 3 Newbie
    50/50 imho
  • browny5678
    browny5678 Posts: 13 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Completely agree with the last few posts! Its totally achievable to work as a team but still maintain some element of your own identity and independence. I'm quite irritated by the idea that my marriage is apparently automatically a bad one because we retain some personal cash.

    We also pay money into our joint account proportional to our take home pay (bills plus some extra to cover joint spending on evenings out etc). We try to each stick to the same personal spending budget and save the rest.

    PipneyJane's idea of a spreadsheet is a good one, we have one that tracks our monthly in and outgoings from our joint account, and have another tab which shows what comes in and out of our own accounts. It's all transparent, but we retain the right to spend our personal money as we wish without feeling guilty.

    As always there's never quite as much information in the original post as one might need to respond, but there's no way i'd be happy to pay 50% of the bills when only earning 33% of the household income, I feel the husband is taking the mick slightly.
  • alggomas
    alggomas Posts: 151 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Without full facts unable to give good answer but sounds like you have not been married too long and have a new baby and your earnings have been reduced,therefore it would not be impolite to ask if he could contribute more or in a roundabout way sat you find it difficult to contribute 50%.
    You could also take a break from working to look after your child then perhaps work one or two days a week.
    Also with a combined income of at least £100,000.00 it would be a good idea to seek financial advice?
  • Malthusian
    Malthusian Posts: 10,931 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper Photogenic
    As they are married, it is completely irrelevant in whose name the account is, where bills are paid from etc. It is all their money.

    If the MoneySaver feels their banking arrangements prevent them from spending as much money as they want or need to, they need to talk to their husband.
  • Lovingwales
    Lovingwales Posts: 3 Newbie
    Yes - it should be the same percentage of each of your salaries! Otherwise you are subsidising his 'half' IMO.
  • alggomas
    alggomas Posts: 151 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    The whole idea of child benefit is for POOR people so why claim?! Especially if you have to pay it back!
    It could be the woman on high wages.
    We have a small joint account which we rarely use.
    My wife pays all the major bills as she earns more than me. We are in love so we share. Sharing does not mean 50/50. It means getting along and being happy. I pay small bills and we have done this for over 30 years!
  • REJP
    REJP Posts: 325 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Doesn’t seem like a good basis for a marriage if the husband really is this selfish. Women have an extra expense each month, does he contribute to tampons? If you have a prescription charge for contraceptive pills, does he contribute?
    Sorry to be so blunt, but why are you letting him use you as a doormat?
    He is laughing all the way to the bank at your expense.
    I am among the people who do not believe this is a genuine post.
  • dmcc0
    dmcc0 Posts: 2 Newbie
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    For all those saying that finances in a marriage should be combined and shared, I couldn't disagree more.

    When my wife and I first got married everything went into a joint account, but then when she stopped work to look after the children things didn't go well. Cash was really tight and she felt as if she had to ask permission to spend anything, saying that because I was the sole earner the finances were my responsibility. To be honest neither of us was (is?) that great with money anyway but with the constant asking for permission it made me feel guilty constantly saying "no" to anything but essentials and I'd quite often give in and allow little treats. Things rapidly spun out of control though and we ended up miserable with quite a large amount of debt. She blamed me for not keeping control of the finances and I blamed her for the lack of support and "guilting" me into letting her spend; in truth we were as bad as each other. We ended up separating shortly afterwards and while finances weren't the main reason I firmly believe at was a major factor.

    Fast forward a few years and I'd managed to clear most of the debt and we grew closer again and decided to give it another go. We've had separate accounts ever since (about 10 years now) and would never go back to a joint account, it just caused too much stress. My wife still doesn't work as she's carer to our 2 disabled kids and money is still tight but we've worked out what works best for us.
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