How to avoid meeting up
Comments
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Sunny_Saver wrote: »Easier said than done though. You'd think he'd have taken the hint after being busy for so long though
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My husband is pretty useless in this scenario. Like a chocolate teapot! He says 'just go' and that I was his wife's friend. He hates confrontation.
This is the important bit for me. I had wondered if you and your husband had been friends as 2 couples. but since it appears not, I'd also withdraw too.Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j0 -
I think they've met OH maybe six times in 10 years.
ItsAnne: you are right. I was just thinking as I was walking to see my Mum that when I said I bump into him in the street it sounds like a quick matter. It's not, it's a 20 or 30 minute chat. Last time he said he was going to catch a bus and I was going to celebrate someone's birthday and going the other way. He said 'I'll walk with you' and crossed the road and came with me. came with as in walked with me until he bumped into some other lady he knows, not came with me to the party!
He's very sociable. When I used to meet him and his wife at a local restaurant, I'd arrive, he'd say hello and would go off and chat to every waiter, the owner, or if anyone wasn't there ask about them. That place has closed now, but when I met him last year he was going to a new place and was looking for his fav waitress there, so he's not reclusive, he has family and can talk to random people. I'm honestly not leaving him in the lurge.“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald0 -
Sunny Saver, here are my thoughts.
I have worked in training for Care Workers. My advice was always to be careful when working with Male clients. Even when they became chair bound they tried to "chat up" female staff. They don't see themselves as old.
I would just say " I don't go out without my husband" if you say your busy he might continue to harass you. As he is doing now.0 -
Thank you Mark. If he asks again I will say P and I are busy, we'll be in contact when we are free. If he says come on your own, I'll say no, P would like to meet up too.
Also I'm going to see if there is anyway I can change swimming or buy a cheap membership so I can go anytime because I'm doing that for my own health reasons. My GP is going to think I'm a !!!! head if I say 'I've not been because this 80-year old man follows me about'.
There, that sounds decisive, let's see if I can do it!
Thank you!“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald0 -
From your original post, I initially thought he must be lonely - you even said as much in your first post.
But over the length of this thread, you've revealed more and you are clearly uncomfortable about contact with him - and I'd probably feel the same as you.
Can you gradually but firmly decrease contact with this man?
When you bump into him in the street, say you're in a hurry.
If he invites you for coffee, tell him 'no'.
If he turns up at the swimming pool, say 'hello' and leave.
Stop replying to his texts.0 -
From your original post, I initially thought he must be lonely - you even said as much in your first post.
But over the length of this thread, you've revealed more and you are clearly uncomfortable about contact with him - and I'd probably feel the same as you.
Can you gradually but firmly decrease contact with this man?
When you bump into him in the street, say you're in a hurry.
If he invites you for coffee, tell him 'no'.
If he turns up at the swimming pool, say 'hello' and leave.
Stop replying to his texts.
I assumed he was lonely, as who else stays for lunch for 7-8 hours and asks to meet the following week, then after again and changes his route go walk with you in the street?
My problem is my mother always instilled in me that if people are good to you, you must be good back. His wife was very lovely to me, and he was very nice too because of that, so part of me feels obligated to respond to his texts and stop and speak to him.
Writing on here helped as when you guys brought up questions, it made me think of answers.
I know my first post wasn't as informative as it should have been - I never know who could be reading and how easily bored posters may get if it's too long.“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald0 -
We are all different people with different personalities but...
unless you tell him categorically that you do not want to meet up with him at all you will still find yourself in an uncomfortable position.
Next time you bump in to him and he asks to meet, just say, sorry, no, not interested and walk away.
He is 80, not sure how old you are but he can't run after you can he?
It would be easy for me to do I know, I am/can be rude and abrupt when it suits and your situation sounds like it suits!0 -
Another agreeing with keep away. Make it very clear that you will not meet him or even have a coffee if you bump into him.
He's clearly not lonely, but he is intrusive.Member #14 of SKI-ers club
Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.
(Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)0 -
If I were you I would slowly try to break off contact and when you do meet, take your partner along as well, my guess is doing this would reduce his wish to meet.
Despite what some say on here, you have no obligation to meet with this man and nothing to feel guilty about. If you had spent a lot of time with this man in the past then my answer would be different but you didn't so you have no reason to give him your time now.0 -
sunny_saver wrote: »...
It's all very well saying spend time with others, but if it distresses me, should i be doing so?
No .0
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