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  • FIRST POST
    • robowen
    • By robowen 4th Feb 06, 7:47 PM
    • 2,962Posts
    • 1,719Thanks
    robowen
    Beethoven Joke.
    • #1
    • 4th Feb 06, 7:47 PM
    Beethoven Joke. 4th Feb 06 at 7:47 PM
    A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
    By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

    By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.
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    "He's decomposing!"


    rob
    If only everything in life was as reliable...AS ME !!
    robowen 5/6/2005©

    ''Never take an idiot anywhere with you. You'll always find one when you get there.''
Page 313
    • RitaCami
    • By RitaCami 19th Apr 17, 7:56 AM
    • 6 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    RitaCami
    My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
    • Wizard of Id
    • By Wizard of Id 22nd Apr 17, 12:32 PM
    • 1,256 Posts
    • 5,808 Thanks
    Wizard of Id
    Did a search on ebay last week for a lighter, 33,000 matches showed up in the results.
    Every man is innocent until proven broke.
    Cryin won't help you, prayin won't do you no good.

    Walk 2000 miles in 2017 - 1416.5
    This week 63.9
    • bubblesbonbon
    • By bubblesbonbon 22nd Apr 17, 12:51 PM
    • 747 Posts
    • 1,860 Thanks
    bubblesbonbon
    I dunno!... there's no pleasing some people.

    I got up really early this morning, cut the grass then spent 2 hours in the greenhouse carefully nurturing seedlings for planting out.

    And what does my missus say to me??

    "All you've done all morning is mown and grown!!
    "Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful"

    Samuel Johnson, Rasselas (1759)
    • Head The Ball
    • By Head The Ball 30th Apr 17, 6:50 PM
    • 2,642 Posts
    • 5,927 Thanks
    Head The Ball
    A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
    The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
    The guy left.

    A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
    The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
    The guy left.

    A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
    The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half."
    The guy left.

    The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."

    A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
    The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"

    Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
    Who'll remember the ones who only rode in them to die
    All their lives are just a smudge of smoke against the sky
    • VfM4meplse
    • By VfM4meplse 1st May 17, 6:21 PM
    • 22,582 Posts
    • 46,707 Thanks
    VfM4meplse
    Slave labour
    A man owned a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

    "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

    "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

    "The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

    "Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

    "That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the agent.

    "That would be me," replied the Rancher
    Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!

    "No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio

    Hope is not a strategy ...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...If in doubt, don't pull out... I love chaz-ing!
    • tommix
    • By tommix 3rd May 17, 1:03 AM
    • 34,906 Posts
    • 140,846 Thanks
    tommix
    Conjunctivitus.com..That's a site for sore eyes..
    • tommix
    • By tommix 3rd May 17, 1:08 AM
    • 34,906 Posts
    • 140,846 Thanks
    tommix
    When Cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?
    • Ebe Scrooge
    • By Ebe Scrooge 10th May 17, 8:08 AM
    • 3,677 Posts
    • 3,056 Thanks
    Ebe Scrooge
    A man is in a taxi, and realises he needs some cash. He leans forward and taps the driver on the shoulder, to ask if he can stop at a cashpoint.


    The driver screams and almost veers off the road.


    "Sorry", says the man, "I didn't mean to startle you".


    "It's not your fault", says the taxi driver. "I'm new to this game - I've spent the last 20 years driving a hearse".
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
    • Ebe Scrooge
    • By Ebe Scrooge 10th May 17, 8:27 AM
    • 3,677 Posts
    • 3,056 Thanks
    Ebe Scrooge
    A man is driving through town, and stops at a set of traffic lights. The motorcycle in front of him also stops, then falls over and the rider goes sprawling across the road.


    The man gets out of his car and rushes over to help the motorcyclist. "Are you OK ?", he asks.


    "Yes", says the rider, "Just a couple of bruises. It's my own fault - I can't get used to being without the side-car".
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
    • tommix
    • By tommix 24th May 17, 1:57 PM
    • 34,906 Posts
    • 140,846 Thanks
    tommix
    I bought a litre of Tippex today..Big mistake.
    • Wizard of Id
    • By Wizard of Id 4th Jun 17, 12:32 PM
    • 1,256 Posts
    • 5,808 Thanks
    Wizard of Id
    A man I know has just been killed by a steam train - he was chuffed to bits!

    Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.

    Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him. Today the judge gave me 20 years, problem solved.
    Every man is innocent until proven broke.
    Cryin won't help you, prayin won't do you no good.

    Walk 2000 miles in 2017 - 1416.5
    This week 63.9
    • peter_the_piper
    • By peter_the_piper 19th Jun 17, 8:25 PM
    • 25,654 Posts
    • 32,186 Thanks
    peter_the_piper
    Went for fish and chips the other day, took the makings of a cup of tea with us. Took the dead tea bag from the cups and found we had forgotten to bring a bag. No problem says I we'll use a dog sh&*t bag. We can't use that the other half said, yes we can says I cos its Typoo tea.
    I'd rather be an Optimist and be proved wrong than a Pessimist and be proved right.
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