Finances as a couple

I think there is a big confusion for some posters between appropriateness and control.

OH and I have separate accounts because we like to be able to manage our own budget. I like to know what's in my account and like the freedom of being able to make decisions on whether I want to spend or save without to get approval first. It has nothing to do with thinking that the money in my account is mine only and therefore all to be spent on me only. It is about appreciating that although we are a couple, we are individuals within that unit and some things we like to keep independent. For instance, we could have one email address for the two of us, but we like to have our own to manage our own emails, even though we have nothing to hide and each know each other's password.

I think most couples who chose to have separate accounts have come to an arrangement that really isn't that different to those who have only one joint account. In both instances, bills are agreed to pay first and then what is spare money is to be spent in a way that satisfies both parties, mainly by spending the money on things/services that will satisfy both jointly, or by having an unspoken agreement that each gets to use the spare money fairly.

OH and I have separate accounts and each pay some bills separately, but we worked it all out once so that in the end, we were left with similar disposable income. We can both do what we want with that disposable money, but the key point is that we share very similar values and beliefs when it comes to money. Both don't like spending for the sake of it, don't like to buy things that are not needed and both are good at seeking bargains. With the years, a trend had been set by which most of the money he saves at the end of the month will go towards something for the house whilst most of what I save will go on the kids.

Exactly! Each to their own, but I couldn't be/wouldn't be in a marriage where my wife thinks it's OK to squander almost half a grand without mentioning it to me first.

So what would happen if she told you that she was intending to squander -interesting choice of word!- half a grand on something that she really really wanted but you thought was a complete waste of money? Or would it be ok as long as she told you? Because if it's latter, I don't really see the difference, I too would tell my OH if I went ahead and bought something expensive. If it is the former, how do you resolve it? I personally would go ahead and spend the money if all the bills had been paid and you had access to the same amount of money to buy something you might want that I would consider frivolous, so again, no different to having separate accounts.

My husband and I both have single accounts, and joint accounts (including saving accounts). We both put in the same % of our wages each month into the joint account, where all the house bills come out of.

Everything else is paid for individually.

Birthday presents for family comes from the joint account (except I buy my parents more so that extra I pay for), and friends comes out of the single accounts.

Shampoo and stuff like that is paid for out of the joint, unless I fancy some expensive stuff in which case I'll buy that out of my own money. The same goes for my husband who likes expensive protein bars - he buys these as I don't have them (although I'm sure he's used my shampoo before ha!)

Hope this helps. Every couple is different, you'll have to take it day by day and see what works for you

NBLondon wrote: »

I didn't think I deserved any say because the estate was left to m'wife and her brother - not to me.
You presume, catkins. Actually, my wife did want me to have a say and I was perfectly happy with her decision to invest for retirement - but it was her decision.
I think insisting that you deserve a say in your partner's finances would be an awful attitude.
The terms and conditions of the will may make a difference if the deceased was bothered enough.
As others have mentioned above - that does happen and it comes out in the divorce court. People who have been there before - or seen it in the family might be wary of it.
You haven't directly answered the question of why close your personal accounts as well as opening a joint account... but reading between the lines here, it seems that you are making a statement (to each other?) that "ALL money is OUR money". If that is important to you both - fine. We agreed that we were now a team and would back each other as much as needed but that didn't stop us being individuals as well.

Here's a dilemma for all the readers then...

You might share the cost of running a car - but what about a speeding ticket? Does that come out of the joint account or is it the responsibility of the one who was driving? (The answer may also depend on whether you are an MP or not....)

I haven't "insisted" I have a say in my OH's finances though. As I have said ALL money either of us get - wages, winnings, inheritance or whatever is OUR money.

We have seen a copy of the will and no mention is made of me. Even if it had said I was not to see a penny of it my OH would ignore that and, let's face it, how on earth could that be enforced?

We both closed our single accounts because we didn't need them. Why would we? We were getting marred, going to share the rest of our lives together so only needed 1 account. We certainly didn't think we had to keep single accounts in case we split up!

I don't drive and my OH has had quite a few speeding/parking tickets over the years. Yes of course they are paid out of the joint account

catkins wrote: »

Even if it had said I was not to see a penny of it my OH would ignore that and, let's face it, how on earth could that be enforced?

At the risk of going off-topic - it could be challenged in court by another beneficiary if the will had those conditions.

catkins wrote: »

We both closed our single accounts because we didn't need them. Why would we?

That question has been answered by people elsewhere in this thread, most recently by BNT.

catkins wrote: »

We were getting marred, going to share the rest of our lives together so only needed 1 account.

That was your commitment and if it works for you, fine. I hope it continues to do so.

catkins wrote: »

I don't drive and my OH has had quite a few speeding/parking tickets over the years. Yes of course they are paid out of the joint account

Well they have to be in your case if "ALL money is OUR money". Just pointing out that this also could mean "ALL liabilities are OUR liabilities". If you're both happy with that, that's fine. I would prefer to take personal responsibility for liabilities that I incur totally by myself.