How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..

IAmWales · 10 September 2017 at 8:48PM

How much money is in the 30 current accounts?

I'm struggling to believe that they were able to get £140K in credit. How is this amount broken down, and what clues do the statements give as to where the money is going? Could your brother have a gambling problem?

I would be very surprised if your mother was found not to have capacity. An assessment would look at whether she can make decisions, not whether those decisions are sound. The same for your father, mental illness does not necessarily indicate a lack of capacity.

The abuse approach would be more suitable, but social services are stretched to breaking point, and are unlikely to do much if the parents don't want their help.

Mojisola · 10 September 2017 at 9:24PM

Rags2riches wrote: »

This creates confusion and it boils down to - we must trust and believe in the child we raised - that he is telling the truth.

Didn't they raise you as well?

Why don't they believe that you are telling them the truth?

Mojisola · 10 September 2017 at 9:37PM

Rags2riches wrote: »

I can only put it down to... this family system is dysfunctional.

I'm the scapegoat, seen as a threat to the system.

In that case, there is probably nothing you can do to help them - because they won't let you.

You may have to stand aside and let your parents allow your brother to ruin them - horribly difficult but sometimes you just can't help even when you can see how bad the future will be.

Mojisola · 10 September 2017 at 9:51PM

Rags2riches wrote: »

.
Plus is this just my mother.... what about my father who isn't capable of making the decisions which my mother has been entrusted with.

You could ask to talk to a member of the Elderly Care social work team and explain your worries about your Dad and the family dynamics - but there may be nothing you can do to change the situation.

Mojisola · 10 September 2017 at 10:10PM

Rags2riches wrote: »

I think I've tried involving family and it hasn't worked, its caused too many ruptures and the reality is you can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped.

Rags2riches wrote: »

Supposing I could communicate with my mother to gain a favourable outcome what approach would you take?

She is just in the process and hassle of moving house, my brother will be telling her the finances are all sorted.... and there is nothing to worry about. At what point do I approach her and what with?

You've already tried to point out what your brother's doing and your parents don't want to know.

You've involved other family members and your parents don't want to know.

I think you've got to accept what you already know "the reality is you can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped".

annandale · 10 September 2017 at 10:41PM

Nothing, you can do nothing if you arent willing to involve social services.

Why should your father get assistance from the council? You are sitting back and watching your brother fleece them and asking questions about what will happen to your dad if your mum dies?

Youve been given advice on what to do, you wont involve social services but you want to believe there's some sort of solution to this mess without involving anyone else while knowing that your brother is fleecing them and its going to continue fleecing them.

They'll have nothing left shortly, thats the reality. Are you prepared to see them ruined completely before you try and get help?

If they have credit cards and overdrafts of 140k who is making the payments on the credit cards? I suppose you are aware that if payments arent being made they are going to be racking up a fortune in interest every month

They'll end up bankrupt. Im strugging to believe this. If they had that much debt that wasnt being met, theyd be getting letters from the credit card companies by now and action would be taken against them.

Do you know what the minimum payment on a credit card would be for the debt you claim they have?

Cards would be stopped if someone went over the limit on the cards, he wouldnt be able to spend on them to the extent you are claiming.

Gingernutty · 10 September 2017 at 11:03PM

You will never gain your mother's support, by the sounds of things.

You'll just have to go directly to Social Services yourself

Keep_pedalling · 10 September 2017 at 11:22PM

You parents are effectively bankrupt, financially things can't get any worse, and sooner or later (probably sooner) this whole thing is going to come crashing down on them. They are in denial, so there is little you can do apart from offer support when the wheels finally come off.

indian_summer · 10 September 2017 at 11:39PM

Why dont you threaten to walk away from your mother unless she puts you both in charge of the accounts.
Or does she prefer your brother to you?

Plead with her how you cant sit by and see them both get ruined by him.

Have you shown her the sums?

Wasnt the whole idea in the first place to create interest on the money?

How was the fact she lost her home explained to her?

Write a long heartfelt letter with all the sums and exactly how much savings she had in the beginning and how much debt she has now.

Or just tell that nasty piece of work of a brother to !!!! the hell off as you are taking charge now!

Ames · 10 September 2017 at 11:42PM

Do they actually know how much they owe and how much interest they're paying? It's a long shot but maybe using some of the tools on this site could get reality through to them.

Is your dad's health so bad that he completely lacks capacity, or it it more that he can't face things and gets overwhelmed?

How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..

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