Relationship breakdown - 3 children currently in US but want to bring them back to UK
Comments
-
Red-Squirrel wrote: »Nowhere in that document does it say that employment is necessary to be considered ordinarily resident. NHS entitlement has absolutely nothing to do with employment.
"We're just here for a visit - we'll be going back to the US after the summer"
That's not 'ordinarily resident'
"We're here to stay because everything has gone down the tubes in the US"
That's not what the children have been told, it's not what the husband/father has been told.
That's the point where the lies and deception about the reasons for coming back to the UK could make the whole plan unravel.0 -
"We're just here for a visit - we'll be going back to the US after the summer"
That's not 'ordinarily resident'
"We're here to stay because everything has gone down the tubes in the US"
That's not what the children have been told, it's not what the husband/father has been told.
That's the point where the lies and deception about the reasons for coming back to the UK could make the whole plan unravel.
Well, that's obviously something that needs to be sorted, I just think its helpful for the OP to know that she wouldn't have to worry about not having access to the NHS if they did have to move back permanently.0 -
And who will drive their 3 kids to 3 different schools, up to an hour away, and their after school clubs, and who will look after them in the school holidays, HB disappears into the city for interviews and meetings most days. And she hasn't worked for 15 years, it is a lot easier said than done, she has more chance of old contacts in London possibly offering her freelance work but again, can't really get that ball rolling until the decision is made where they are going to live at the end of the summer.
Between this and your above mentioning of school fees, I have to ask why on earth they haven't put their kids in the local public schools? That way the bus would take care of transport & many have after school and summer programs. I'm a teacher in the US so I know the quality can vary widely but if they are in an area where most families can afford to have a stay at home parent I would expect the schools to be pretty good, since public schools are funded by local taxes. If the family is has a low enough income the kids might well qualify for free or reduced lunch - most immigrant families at my school do.
That would free her up to take a job or perhaps she could look into "under the table" work such as nannying where her lack of experience is less likely to be an issue. I know you're saying they are used to a certain standard of living, but if things really are as bad as she says her & her husband's focus needs to be on earning enough to get by and forget about keeping up with the Jones's. Particularly if she's considering kidnapping the kids & leaving the country- that's a very drastic step to take when she hasn't even tried getting a part time job, even if it's entry level or in a shop somewhere.0 -
Red-Squirrel wrote: »Well, that's obviously something that needs to be sorted, I just think its helpful for the OP to know that she wouldn't have to worry about not having access to the NHS if they did have to move back permanently.
Thank you.Between this and your above mentioning of school fees, I have to ask why on earth they haven't put their kids in the local public schools? That way the bus would take care of transport & many have after school and summer programs. I'm a teacher in the US so I know the quality can vary widely but if they are in an area where most families can afford to have a stay at home parent I would expect the schools to be pretty good, since public schools are funded by local taxes. If the family is has a low enough income the kids might well qualify for free or reduced lunch - most immigrant families at my school do.
That would free her up to take a job or perhaps she could look into "under the table" work such as nannying where her lack of experience is less likely to be an issue. I know you're saying they are used to a certain standard of living, but if things really are as bad as she says her & her husband's focus needs to be on earning enough to get by and forget about keeping up with the Jones's. Particularly if she's considering kidnapping the kids & leaving the country- that's a very drastic step to take when she hasn't even tried getting a part time job, even if it's entry level or in a shop somewhere.
One of her children has special needs, which is why he is in a fee-paying school, the other two are in state school.0 -
Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »Don't they break up for summer soon? Are the clubs free? Do American kids not need to access childcare? 14 year olds are capable of making sure 10 year olds don't burn the house down if all else fails.
It makes no difference whether clubs are free as they won't have a home to live in from the end of June. The 14 year old has special needs, he is not equipped to look after two younger siblings.
If she ends up back here expecting to not have to go to work but eventually receive benefits, she's going to have a shock. She could be working 40hrs per week for her benefits if they decide to send her for mandatory work activity. There will not be any 'oh, you have to look after the children' exceptions.
Never have I said she was "expecting not to work but eventually receive benefits" that is an assumption quite a few are making. She will do whatever it takes to start again and get a job. What she will have here as opposed to US is after school childcare in the form of grandparents and friends.0 -
Can I just say thank you to those who have answered my initial questions.
This is a very messy situation which involves a lot of people whom I care a great deal about. It is not relevant whether you or I agree or disagree with my friends' decisions up until now or as and when they need to be made over the coming months.
I am trying to resist getting sucked in to comment on all of your posts regarding your views on what is right/wrong, fair/unfair, I am privy to a lot more background information but I cant possibly put everything that I know down on this forum to feed peoples curiosity.
Also, at NO point has a decision been made as to where this family will end up living, there is no desire to uproot the children to what is a foreign country and a totally different life, but that might just be the "best" outcome.
I'm still here if people have experience of similar issues and or feel they can help, thanks again everyone.0 -
I'll talk to my daughter,to see if she is still in contact with her friend, and if I can get any other information I will send you a PM xxx0
-
-
Once again the issue is not helping her settle back to the UK. It's great she has a great friend in you willing to do so. It's the fact that you don't seem to think she is doing anything wrong in going about it in a deceptive way that people are commenting about.0
-
Once again the issue is not helping her settle back to the UK. It's great she has a great friend in you willing to do so. It's the fact that you don't seem to think she is doing anything wrong in going about it in a deceptive way that people are commenting about.
Who are we to judge? Do we know the whole picture? No. Does Goochie know the whole picture? Probably not - but even if she did, it is not her story. She came here, asking for advice as to what her friend might expect were she to come back here with her children.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.2K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
- 608K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173.1K Life & Family
- 247.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards