Executrix woes

Desperately hoping someone here can help me with some advice. Sadly, my mother passed away recently leaving a will which leaves myself and my sister as beneficiaries each expecting to receive 50% of the estate (which will be very little after creditors are paid).

Unfortunately I was named in the will as executrix. I appointed a solicitor to act as co-executor as I felt that the job would be too difficult for me alone. This has annoyed my sister who immediately entered my mother's home and took anything of value that she could find and is now refusing to return anything. My solicitor has advised me to accept a list from my sister detailing the items she took and the value of them.

I accepted this, but I now find that my sister has removed all photos including all of the one of myself and her as children. This leaves me without any photos of my mother except for the one on the funeral order of service.
I am extremely hurt that she could be so cruel as to leave me without a single photo and I now wonder if I have any rights at all in this matter and what I should do.
«13

Comments

  • GDB2222
    GDB2222 Posts: 24,450
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Forumite
    Well, you do have rights. The executors must gather in your mother's assets and distribute them accoprding to the will. It's not for individual beneficiaries to help themselves. Your sister has been thieving, and you could try to interest the Police.

    But, but, but .... don't do that! I'm really sorry that you have lost your mother, and it must be a difficult time for you. It's also a difficult time for your sister, so you should both make allowances. Photos can be copied, things can be sorted out, but you only have the one sister. Especially at times like this, you need to hang on to each other, however exasperating the other one may be. She is obviously cross with you for hiring a solicitor to deal with what she probably sees as a simple matter, although you are quite within your rights to do that.

    This isn't the time to stand on your rights, though. You are both grieving, and that doesn't make people the most rational. Hopefully, you will both feel calmer in a few months time.
    No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 45,936
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Forumite
    JBC, welcome to the boards, and despite the disclaimer in his / her signature I think that GDB has given the right advice.

    If you possibly can, make it up with your sister. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and when you're grieving it's difficult to think straight anyway, but did you talk to her before hiring the solicitor and explain why you wanted to do it? Maybe she feels that she could have helped, and then this wouldn't have mattered. Maybe she wanted things to happen faster and worries that a solicitor will slow things down. Maybe she was desperate to get her share NOW.

    I'm co-executor with my brother of my dad's will, and everything apart from Mum's half of the house goes to us and our siblings. At every stage / shareout we've explained what we're doing, what this payout represents, how we're getting on etc. We're both busy people so it's all taken time, and we've had to get some professional advice on how to proceed. Fortunately they all understand why it's us and not them who are doing this, and they're all glad it's us and not them!

    And I am sorry for your loss.
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • JBC45
    JBC45 Posts: 7 Forumite
    Thanks very much for the advice. Unfortunately though, there has not been any relationship with my sister for a long time. Immediately upon hearing that I would be executor she went and removed everything from my mother's house, requested a copy of the will and appointed her own solicitor (I do not know why she has a solicitor as yet).

    I have already begged for some copies of photos and been denied them. I just don't know what to do. I intend to continue following my mother's wishes that everything be divided equally as is my responsibility but I feel that my sister is able to do exactly what she wants without any regard for either my mother's wishes or my feelings. I might understand if she had taken her childhood photos but to also take those that only had me in them was cruel.

    I really do not want to have to call the police and right now i have no intention to do so, but I have to do something
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Forumite
    If she appoints solicitors, they will tell her that she has broken the law by taking things from the house.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 45,936
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Forumite
    Mojisola wrote: »
    If she appoints solicitors, they will tell her that she has broken the law by taking things from the house.
    They should, if she describes the situation accurately.

    JBC, were you estranged before your mother died then? Would a phone call / flowers / card from you saying "I'm sorry we seem to be at odds with each other, I didn't want that to happen, communicating through solicitors seems so pointless, can we not sort this out at all?"

    If it were me, I would certainly want to try that before instructing my solicitor to write to her solicitor, or even to her, but if you decide to do that, make sure you INSTRUCT your solicitor as to what you want. I'm pretty sure that what you don't want is a protracted exchange of letters: that way madness lies, plus any inheritance eaten up by legal bills, etc etc etc. However trying one letter might be worthwhile, especially if it leads to her solicitor telling her what the score is. Mind you she may be trying to get you disqualified as executor: it's not an easy thing to do! I'd leave her to it in that case.

    The thing is, your mum appointed you and not her. We don't know why she did that, maybe you do. If it wasn't you putting undue influence on your mum, then she could rack up legal bills, which you want to avoid.
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Biggles
    Biggles Posts: 8,209
    Combo Breaker First Post
    Forumite
    edited 6 February 2011 at 6:51PM
    This seems to have gone from a simple probate, which you could have done on your own at almost no cost, to the risk of a complex legal battle which could eat up most of both your inheritances.

    I'm not sure why you appointed a solicitor but, if it was indeed that which annoyed your sister, can you not suggest to her that you do away with the solicitor and she helps you to get probate instead?
  • chesky369
    chesky369 Posts: 2,590 Forumite
    You say that the estate will be "very little after creditors are paid".............. is it worth more than the costs of the solicitors you have employed?
  • dzug1
    dzug1 Posts: 13,535
    First Post Combo Breaker
    Forumite
    Slightly tongue in cheek answer, but you could tell your sister that what she has taken amounts to one third of the estate and that that's her share......

    Maybe not really, but it's a tempting thought.
  • Oldernotwiser
    Oldernotwiser Posts: 37,425 Forumite
    How does your sister have access to your mother's house? If you haven't already, change the locks.
  • JBC45
    JBC45 Posts: 7 Forumite
    Thank you for all the advice. I have now had the locks changed but there is nothing left in the house anyway now.

    I chose to appoint a solicitor as I had my suspicions that my sister would try something underhanded and I wanted complete transparency in what I do so that there will be no comeback in future. I could not trust my sister to act as executor after her actions.

    I am planning to speak to my solicitor tomorrow and see if I can demand that the items be returned. I have had enough of being reasonable and it can be pretty lonely on the moral high ground.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 342.5K Banking & Borrowing
  • 249.9K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 234.6K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 172.8K Life & Family
  • 247.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.8K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards