Is this bullying or just plain rude?
Comments
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No, I don't think you should have to interact socially with all workmates but I also think that you have to keep your social life separate from the work place.
If all but one person spends a lot of time of work talking about social things you've done and planning future social events, that can create a very uncomfortable atmosphere.
Only if the person left out actually wants to socialise with the others. In 99.999% of situations the left-out person doesn't like them, on a social level, any more than they like him or her. They would just presume this to be the case and assume they were living their own life.0 -
ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »Only if the person left out actually wants to socialise with the others.
If people are spending a lot of time in work discussing and planning their social life, they aren't getting on with work.
If one person is being left out - for whatever reason - it doesn't make for a good atmosphere.
Even if the person left out really doesn't care, the workplace is where work should be done.0 -
ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »It is personal. Nevertheless, who you associate with outside work is entirely based on who you like. Do you march up to groups of strangers in pubs and insist on tagging along with them? If not, I can't see why you would expect to tag along with people who know that they don't like you.
That's life though isn't it? We all have to put up with friends of friends, or partners of friends, or work colleagues occasionally who we don't really like that much and probably wouldn't choose as friends.
I do think that just finding someone dull is a really unkind reason to exclude them too, it would be different if they'd actually offended you in some way, or if you constantly disagreed/argued and you actively dislike each other.0 -
If people are spending a lot of time in work discussing and planning their social life, they aren't getting on with work.
If one person is being left out - for whatever reason - it doesn't make for a good atmosphere.
Even if the person left out really doesn't care, the workplace is where work should be done.
Don't you ever talk at work? I work in an office where a lot gets done but there's still plenty of room for conversation. I always have, in every office I have worked in.0 -
Red-Squirrel wrote: »That's life though isn't it? We all have to put up with friends of friends, or partners of friends, or work colleagues occasionally who we don't really like that much and probably wouldn't choose as friends.
I do think that just finding someone dull is a really unkind reason to exclude them too, it would be different if they'd actually offended you in some way, or if you constantly disagreed/argued and you actively dislike each other.
You are not excluding them. You are simply not choosing to socialise with them outside work. Just like you chosoe not to socialise with the vast majority of people you come into contact with.
Why would you think that someone you don't have enough in common with wants to socialise with you? There's almost an assumption here that the person is so dull that they don't have their own friends and their own life. They are not thinking "Let's leave her sitting in her house alone", they are just going out somewhere, and not thinking about her at all, but if they do think then assuming she is doing whatever she does on Saturday nights.
If it is a one-off work based event that's different. If they socialise regularly then they don't have to invite anybody they don't want to invite.0 -
ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »You are not excluding them. You are simply not choosing to socialise with them outside work. Just like you chosoe not to socialise with the vast majority of people you come into contact with.
Why would you think that someone you don't have enough in common with wants to socialise with you? There's almost an assumption here that the person is so dull that they don't have their own friends and their own life. They are not thinking "Let's leave her sitting in her house alone", they are just going out somewhere, and not thinking about her at all, but if they do think then assuming she is doing whatever she does on Saturday nights.
If it is a one-off work based event that's different. If they socialise regularly then they don't have to invite anybody they don't want to invite.
Sorry, but I stand by my belief that its unkind to extend an invite to everybody in your team except one. If you invite them and they don't accept then great, you stop asking after a few attempts and everybody can move on, but better that than they were sitting there feeling the way the OP is feeling. Its nice to be nice!0 -
I used to be a harrassment contact at one of my previous jobs and being left out of everything does count as bullying. It can also make working really stressful and miserable. If you have a good system for complaining it's worth doing, otherwise it'll just make things worse.
I agree it can be unpleasant, but as an employer what are you supposed to do. Personally as long as people are polite in work and not obstructive regarding work issues, it's not my business. Do I tell adults that they have to friend someone on FB? Do I tell drivers they have to invite someone for a pint on their free time? Not going to happen.leaving someone out isnt bullying, but I can understand 100% why you made this post.
Ditto.Red-Squirrel wrote: »Sorry, but I stand by my belief that its unkind to extend an invite to everybody in your team except one. If you invite them and they don't accept then great, you stop asking after a few attempts and everybody can move on, but better that than they were sitting there feeling the way the OP is feeling. Its nice to be nice!
It is nice to be nice, but it isn't something that you can force people to do.
OP, have you ever asked why, might clarify things.0 -
Red-Squirrel wrote: »Sorry, but I stand by my belief that its unkind to extend an invite to everybody in your team except one. If you invite them and they don't accept then great, you stop asking after a few attempts and everybody can move on, but better that than they were sitting there feeling the way the OP is feeling. Its nice to be nice!
We are talking here about people who socialise together regularly. What if you invite them and they do keep coming because they have no other friends? What are you going to do? Pretend to be friends with them for ever?0
This discussion has been closed.
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