Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

jamespir · 22 April 2012 at 2:01AM

jansus wrote: »

Are you serious :eek:

there is its just some people hear the word smack and automatically presume someones giving a child a pasting when there not

jansus · 22 April 2012 at 2:08AM

I have never smacked any of my three children and can't see a reason to, threat of violence is wrong in any situation imo

jamespir · 22 April 2012 at 2:12AM

jansus wrote: »

I have never smacked any of my three children and can't see a reason to, threat of violence is wrong in any situation imo

i havent but if i needed to i would

jansus · 22 April 2012 at 2:15AM

What situation do you envisage that you would need to

jamespir · 22 April 2012 at 2:21AM

jansus wrote: »

What situation do you envisage that you would need to

i dont need to envisage something

Anubis_2 · 22 April 2012 at 7:03AM

jamespir wrote: »

i havent but if i needed to i would

So, you run a red light, get stopped and the Police smack you.

You don't pay your TV license, the License people catch you and smack you.

You are given 50 p too much in your change, you don't give it back, the shopkeeper smacks you.

Is that right or acceptible? Is it not an offence to smack an adult?

If its right to smack a child then adults who are doing wrong should be punched because as adults, they know better - a child may not and hasn't had the same degree of experience.

If its an offence to smack an adult it should be an offence to smack a child.

kafkathecat · 22 April 2012 at 11:31AM

janninew wrote: »

Maybe, but I find it incredibly hard to believe that in 14 years a child doesn't do anything to warrant any type of punishment. Not even during the terrible 2's, the moody start to the teenager years? This poster must be living with a very rare child if its true, I work in a large secondary school and even the very well behaved children misbehave sometimes, pushing the boundaries (and our parents) is part of growing up.

Hi Janninew,
It isn't that he doesn't do anything it is that I try to find different ways to deal with things so that they don't happen again. At 2 that would be removing dangers, allowing tantrums to pass, trying to see the world from his point of view etc. At 14 it is talking to him, trying to find a reasonable compromise and if something goes wrong asking him how he might avoid a situation next time.
I think in a school it would be very difficult to run a class without sanctions because of the compulsory nature of schooling. If the children didn't have to be there, there would be much less bad behaviour iyswim. Ds is home educated but attends many groups and clubs which all have rules which he follows. If he really didn't want to I guess he would stop going to the club.
I agree that pushing boundaries is part of growing up I just don't punish ds for doing that. We each argue our case. Sometimes ds has thanked me for putting my foot down and sometimes I have had to alter the boundary.
For me it is a huge learning curve. I don't get everything right and am learning all the time, from him and from other parents. It just feels right.
Sorry, there is loads more I could say but I have to run off again. bw.

LilMissEmmylou · 22 April 2012 at 11:57AM

Yes. But my rule is that a smack is only used if DD has done something dangerous. So I wouldn't do it for general naughty behavior, but I would if she ran onto the road without looking or tried to play with an electric socket etc (neither of which she has done - just examples of when I would).

Sambucus_Nigra · 22 April 2012 at 12:28PM

LilMissEmmylou wrote: »

Yes. But my rule is that a smack is only used if DD has done something dangerous. So I wouldn't do it for general naughty behavior, but I would if she ran onto the road without looking or tried to play with an electric socket etc (neither of which she has done - just examples of when I would).

So to encourage them not to do something that will cause them pain, they experience something that causes them pain. Ok. Gotcha.

GemmaE · 22 April 2012 at 12:37PM

easy wrote: »

As the parent of a strong willed and very bright child, who is now 12, I can tell you that DH and I started out with every intention of "We could NEVER smack our child".

But over the last few years it has happened (only a handfull of times), in extreme circumstances, and I can honestly say that we are not ashamed of it. The first time it happened was when, around 5 or 6 years old, he ran off across a busy carpark. He knew he shouldn't do it (but obviously didn't understand the full danger of doing it), and did it out of pure defiance. He was smacked for it, and never did it again - I believe that was instrumental in his reaching 12 years old without ever being knocked down.

Obviously, it isn't something I am ADVISING any parent to do, we would all like it not to happen. But I also think that there are situations which may make it an appropriate measure, it depends on the child, and the circumstances.

Generally those people who say categorically "I could never" or "YOU should never ..." haven't actually brought up a child beyond toddlerdom.

This is exactly the type of behaviour my DD would be smacked for- where she puts her / someone elses life in danger. If its done in extreme circumstances and not the norm it has the impact it should, ie not happening again. I had the odd (deserved) smack as a child and am not violent/ disturbed/ a menace but hopefully quite a well rounded individual.

Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

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