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My in laws are snobs...

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  • flippin36
    flippin36 Posts: 1,980 Forumite
    If you give Value biscuits, but get back Harrods', that seems like an advantageous gift-giving arrangement to me.

    The following year you can put the Value biscuits in the Harrods' tin and give it back. :cool:
    :rotfl:So tempting....
  • culpepper
    culpepper Posts: 4,076 Forumite
    Oh dear what empty heads they must be.
    I have noticed over the years that when other people criticize another's life style, it is usually because their childish view of that persons state, is of their own life but with all the bits missing.
    I mean, if they go to Majorca every April and you don't, they see their own life but without that holiday.
    The same for everything you don't do .
    Their imagination cannot handle the fact that your life might actually be NOT THE SAME as their life would be without salon haircuts, flashy clothes , everything disposable... and of course, to them, that is an unthinkable scenario.
    I have similar in-laws but they have mellowed a lot as time has passed and various people are no more.
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 40,922
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    They are probably jealous because they have thousands in debt.. you aren't married to them and so long as you and your husband and children are happy just tell them to sod off.. along the lines of.. 'and just HOW much debt do you have?'

    Tell them if they do not wish to be part of your lives that's perfectly fine but if they wish to remain in it they have one option .. shut up!

    Return in kind what they do.. tell them DH's life is better because he is loved for himself not for what he has and how much he owes so yes he has changed he has become less materialistic because he has realised the important things in life are not bought!
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
    Mortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)
    6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)
    08/12/2023 £33602.00 (4.81% int.)
  • carolbee
    carolbee Posts: 1,703
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    I think you and your little family sound amazing, and what great non materialistic values you are instilling in your children.

    How very rude of in laws, some great advice on here about calling them out.

    Carry on old styling, could be a new film?
    Carolbee
  • I have a similar issue with my SIL's family....
    They Value people on the designer brands they wear and the extravagant spending they do. Even the 17 year old son does it and now the 13 year old daughter does it too!!


    It is do hurtful when they comment on things...but like you we are in the position that we would rather save for our future than splurge unnecessarily. There are just the two of us at the moment, but we have managed so much by being careful - we have a mortgage free home which we rent out and a mortgaged home we are currently working to pay off


    We do EVERYTHING that SIL's family do...just more sensibly and frugally so we end up spending 25% of what she does probably yet achieve the same. We have lovely long haul holidays, stay in the best sometimes 5 star hotels and everything...but by shopping around and being savvy we save money on it all.


    It does hurt when people pass comments, so maybe you just need to be rude yourself and keep commenting how you have done XYZ for so little and showing off yourself a little when you have luxury buys - chances are you are doing these things with much more financial ease than they are!
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0
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    edited 11 October 2017 at 12:00PM
    I think the nicest thing my MIL ever said about me was 'well at least you always look clean!', in fact that may be the ONLY acceptable thing she ever said about me? thankfully I'll never know!

    Thankfully He Who Knows is an only child so I know no other daughter-in-laws were at risk of the hurt inflicted by sad and well chosen barbs of hatred delivered with pleasure by a bitter and dissatisfied woman!
  • I have a similar issue with my SIL's family....
    They Value people on the designer brands they wear and the extravagant spending they do. Even the 17 year old son does it and now the 13 year old daughter does it too!!


    It is do hurtful when they comment on things...but like you we are in the position that we would rather save for our future than splurge unnecessarily. There are just the two of us at the moment, but we have managed so much by being careful - we have a mortgage free home which we rent out and a mortgaged home we are currently working to pay off


    We do EVERYTHING that SIL's family do...just more sensibly and frugally so we end up spending 25% of what she does probably yet achieve the same. We have lovely long haul holidays, stay in the best sometimes 5 star hotels and everything...but by shopping around and being savvy we save money on it all.


    It does hurt when people pass comments, so maybe you just need to be rude yourself and keep commenting how you have done XYZ for so little and showing off yourself a little when you have luxury buys - chances are you are doing these things with much more financial ease than they are!


    To add - I've come to realise it's all just psychological for them - like the Value biscuits in the Harrods tin thing...they fall for it!!
    Recently bought my MIL some Swarovski crystal earrings from an Amazon retailer and picked up a Swarovski branded hanging card from our local Swarovski store...SIL was over the moon at what I bought her mum and was showing off totally to everyone that it was SWAROVSKI....The earrings cost me £7.99 instead of £59 from the current range!!


    She also once came to a tea party at mine a good few years back and I'd been known to regularly buy Millies Cookies when I'd been travelling for work etc - this time I had got 'ASDA' bakery cookies which SIL believed were Millies so when there were some left over she insisted on taking the 'Millies delicious cookies' for her son and hubby
  • Izadora
    Izadora Posts: 2,047
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    While they sound hideous and I wouldn't want to have to spend any time with them this
    flippin36 wrote: »
    My in laws on the other hand mock and criticize us to the point that I cannot have them in my house anymore and really don't enjoy their company.
    jumped out at me, especially the part I've bolded.

    Was it just a figure of speech or have you actually stopped them coming to the house? They may be insufferable boors but they're also your husband's parents and it's his house too. If he's had enough of it and doesn't want them there it's fair enough but, no matter how much they can irritate me at times, I would never say my husband's family aren't welcome in our home.

    As others have said, your husband should try pointing out how rude they're being but if it carries on then just try to remember that their words/actions say a lot more about them than they do about you and they're not the kind of people whose opinions matter so grin and bear it while they're there and have a good laugh/rant with friends when they're gone.
  • jackyann
    jackyann Posts: 3,433 Forumite
    edited 11 October 2017 at 12:43PM
    Oh dear, of course you are going to get support for your lifestyle on here. Many of us regard it as a sensible way to live, respectful of others and the environment and so on. Funnily enough, I have found out, now they are adult, that some of our kids' friends thought us 'well posh' because we shopped at markets, made and mended things, camped, etc..... "only posh people do that!"

    What you need to be aware of is their feeling that you are critical of their lifestyle. It may be that you have implied that, or it may be that simply choosing to do things differently implies criticism in their eyes.

    I would be very wary of cutting contact, your children need a relationship with their grandparents. They may be curious as to how things are done differently in each household, but if you explain your decisions, saying that other people make different choices, your children will be learning valuable life lessons. Our children regularly spent time with some relatives whose choices of toys and activities wouldn't have been ours. I did not criticise, and said that we all make different decisions, depending on our priorities.
    Fast forward to my grown-up children - they have a good relationship with those relatives - they value the love and enjoyment that they felt when visiting, whilst staying close to our values. Most of all, they are respectful and understanding of different lifestyles, which has stood them in very good stead.

    As a mother, you would wish for your children's grandparents to support you, and give you their blessing, even if you do things a bit differently to them (my DiL does things differently to me, she's still a fantastic mum!). It is sad that is not happening, and the comment about standards very hurtful.

    As others have said, your husband is they key here, to try to maintain your own way of doing things and some contact. It sounds as if you live fairly near them - I wonder what other friends and family members think?
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    flippin36 wrote: »
    MIL recently told DH that he had changed since he met me and I had ruined his life :(.

    When I asked her why she had said that she said "Its the way you live your lives and the influence you have on him. He used to have very high standards".
    jackyann wrote: »
    I would be very wary of cutting contact, your children need a relationship with their grandparents.

    I would normally agree with jackyann 100% but, if my parents had made comments like that about my OH in front of our children, I would be very wary about how much time they spent together.
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