Partner checking dating site?

catoutthebag
catoutthebag Posts: 2,216 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
I met partner two months ago and we were official a month ago. Met via quite an expensive dating site. She subscribed for a whole year and met me within a couple weeks.
I asked out right if she still had a subscription or checked the site now. She said she checked it a couple weeks ago out of 'arrogant curiosity' since she'd had a few messages, but assured me / swore (maybe with not as much gusto as i would have done), that she didn't reply to any.
We like each other, we seem happy together, and I've no reason to believe otherwise (we spend a lot of time together or she's busy with her work life etc).
Is it a case of letting it lie? It only bothers me if the thought came into my head (ie now).
I don't want to press her further etc and she doesn't seem.the devious type and was honest with me as far as i can tell.
Is there anything else i could or should do? Maybe suggest switching off email notifications?
Seems odd to subscribe straight away for that amount of time, most do 1,3 months
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Comments

  • IAmWales
    IAmWales Posts: 2,024 Forumite
    catoutthebag wrote: »
    I met partner two months ago and we were official a month ago. Met via quite an expensive dating site. She subscribed for a whole year and met me within a couple weeks.
    I asked out right if she still had a subscription or checked the site now. She said she checked it a couple weeks ago out of 'arrogant curiosity' since she'd had a few messages, but assured me / swore (maybe with not as much gusto as i would have done), that she didn't reply to any.
    We like each other, we seem happy together, and I've no reason to believe otherwise (we spend a lot of time together or she's busy with her work life etc).
    Is it a case of letting it lie? It only bothers me if the thought came into my head (ie now).
    I don't want to press her further etc and she doesn't seem.the devious type and was honest with me as far as i can tell.
    Is there anything else i could or should do? Maybe suggest switching off email notifications?
    Seems odd to subscribe straight away for that amount of time, most do 1,3 months

    Trying to control her after a month. Wow.

    You need to chill out or stay away from relationships until you can do so.
  • catoutthebag
    catoutthebag Posts: 2,216 Forumite
    IAmWales wrote: »
    Trying to control her after a month. Wow.

    You need to chill out or stay away from relationships until you can do so.

    I love trolls, go back to your little troll hole. And man up and post with your own account..I can see your IP

    Oh. No one's trying to control anyone. Intelligent people (that negates you little one), can see this is an advice-sought posting.
  • zagfles
    zagfles Posts: 20,323 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Chutzpah Haggler
    catoutthebag wrote: »
    I love trolls, go back to your little troll hole. And man up and post with your own account..I can see your IP

    Oh. No one's trying to control anyone. Intelligent people (that negates you little one), can see this is an advice-sought posting.
    While the PP is clearly a troll, probably one that's been banned before (who would sign up to a money saving site and post that as their first post and within 6 minutes of yours?), they do have a point even if they made it in a over confrontational way.

    You've only been together a month. There are two possibilities. She was doing out of nothing more than "arrogant curiosity" as she says. Or she's not sure and wants to keep looking. Whichever, what do you have to gain by making suggestions as to how she deals with her account? If she wants to keep looking, she will. If she doesn't and is just curious, you could put her off you if you act as if you don't trust her.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,680 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    Well, you live and learn.
    I've never heard the phrase 'arrogant curiosity'.
    Can you please enlighten me, OP.
  • fizz
    fizz Posts: 984 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    catoutthebag wrote: »
    I love trolls, go back to your little troll hole. And man up and post with your own account..I can see your IP

    Oh. No one's trying to control anyone. Intelligent people (that negates you little one), can see this is an advice-sought posting.

    Sorry but this is so funny. You have been seeing someone for a whole 2 months and you are concerned that they are still looking at sites?

    Think you need to have a chat with them rather than posting on a forum and just ask the question...it's good to talk::rotfl:

    fizz.x
    20p Savers Club 2013 #17 £7.80/£120.00
  • zagfles
    zagfles Posts: 20,323 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Chutzpah Haggler
    Pollycat wrote: »
    Well, you live and learn.
    I've never heard the phrase 'arrogant curiosity'.
    Can you please enlighten me, OP.
    It's not a phrase just an adjective followed by a noun. I read it as something like "checking if people fancy me for no other reason than a boost to my ego"
  • catoutthebag
    catoutthebag Posts: 2,216 Forumite
    Pollycat wrote: »
    Well, you live and learn.
    I've never heard the phrase 'arrogant curiosity'.
    Can you please enlighten me, OP.

    It's not for me to enlighten, i didn't use the term?

    But sounded like self explanatory, a bit of self validation i guess. I understand she's been rejected in the past / suffered with low esteems at times, despite being extrovert and confident, there's vulnerability beneath the veneer
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Newbie
    First Anniversary First Post
    I presume it just means taking a self-esteem boost from the messages. I'm sure she's not the only one to have done it. It doesn't seem to be a threat to your young relationship: who would prefer the opening gambit if someone on a dating site over the partner they've been growing to like in real life? Only someone who had their doubts anyway.
    I agree with Zagles, you've everything to gain by trusting her in this.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,680 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Savvy Shopper!
    edited 18 March 2017 at 9:08AM
    zagfles wrote: »
    It's not a phrase just an adjective followed by a noun. I read it as something like "checking if people fancy me for no other reason than a boost to my ego"
    Then if I were the OP I'd dump said person as it sounds like they want approbation from persons other than him.
    catoutthebag wrote: »
    It's not for me to enlighten, i didn't use the term?

    But sounded like self explanatory, a bit of self validation i guess. I understand she's been rejected in the past / suffered with low esteems at times, despite being extrovert and confident, there's vulnerability beneath the veneer
    As above.
    I wouldn't want to have a relationship with someone who needed self validation.


    Nasty.
    Please reconsider whether you wish this post to remain.
  • fizz
    fizz Posts: 984 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    catoutthebag wrote: »
    2 months or 2 years, exclusive is exclusive, thicko.

    Ps check my post, we did talk, illiterate pleb.

    Well, I concur to your superior intellect and your vast relationship experience:rotfl: I will trip-trap off this thread as I'm not a compliant, exclusive, illiterate pleb troll:rotfl:

    fizz.x
    20p Savers Club 2013 #17 £7.80/£120.00
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