Scared to tell my partner

Hi everyone,
These past couple of months I’ve been stupid and got myself into quite a bit of debt (14k) through online gambling whilst my partner has been working away. We’ve been together nearly 4 year and about to move in together in the next few month (mortgage in his name) Now I’ve got to a point where I can’t explain why I have no money all the time and when it comes to buying everything for the house why I can’t contribute. I was in debt when we met, no where near the amount I’m in now but he helped me get out of it and was really understanding but it was hard and I promised him I wouldn’t get myself back into this situation and now he’s coming home for Xmas on Wednesday and I have to tell him, I’ve told my dad now and he’s reassured me my partner will be okay with me but I’m petrified he’ll leave, wish me luck!!
«1

Comments

  • ***when I say he helped me he didn’t pay any of it just helped me plan how to pay it!
  • National_Debtline
    National_Debtline Posts: 7,998
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Organisation Representative
    Hi Rachel


    I wish you luck and the courage to confide in your partner about this. If you're truly committed to each other then you should expect his support to address whatever issues may have led you into that spell of gambling, and to help you avoid any relapses. Have you sought any professional guidance on it yet?


    Dennis
    @natdebtline
    We work as money advisers for National Debtline and have specific permission from MSE to post to try to help those in debt. Read more information on National Debtline in MSE's Debt Problems: What to do and where to get help guide. If you find you're struggling with debt and need further help try our online advice tool My Money Steps
  • MEM62
    MEM62 Posts: 4,732
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    Forumite
    Not sure we can help with this other than state the obvious.

    You need help with your gambling issue as one point. You will eventually have to face him with the truth and I would suggest that sooner rather than later would be better. In his shoes, the biggest disappointment for me would be the fact that your word was worth so little. You will need to work at rebuilding trust.

    I hope it goes OK and that you are able to overcome your gambling problem.
  • I’ve blocked myself off the sites I was going on and now I’ve actually took a step back and seen what I’ve ended up in I’m disgusted at myself and the last thing I want to do is put any money back on them sites, I’m confident I can stay away from it especially now it’s out in the open and the reason it all started was out of boredom and lonliness and quickly became addictive and it stopped feeling like real money, it’s no excuse I’ve got myself in to the mess and I will get myself out of it, just hope my partner can find it in him stick with me!
  • Have you registered with gamcare? I hope you have.
    Savings as of April 2023 Savings account - £26460.50(14474.88)Current account - £2140.24(4576.79)Total - £28600.74(19051.67) £1010 (£65pm CS/BS) £250 CS/BS/JS
  • The debt I had when I met him wasn’t from gambling, I never really dabbled before. I’m blocked off all the sites now and have no want to go back on them and I know I can do it I’ve kicked worse habits!
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Forumite
    Rachelm91 wrote: »
    The debt I had when I met him wasn’t from gambling, I never really dabbled before. I’m blocked off all the sites now and have no want to go back on them and I know I can do it I’ve kicked worse habits!

    If you have a history of kicking one habit and then starting up another, you need to deal with that pattern.
  • The habit was smoking and I quit 4 year ago, I don’t quite think it’s a pattern more of some very bad choices over the past few month
  • The problem with addiction and debt is the embarrassment, guilt and shame that come with it. I'm not going to lie, he will probably be angry, upset, disappointed and hurt. Not necessarily in that order. But then, if he is committed to you and loves you, he will be accepting, and willing to help support you. Not necessarily financially, but hopefully emotionally and physically.
    Debt affects everyone in one way or another. As with any addiction, the first step to sorting it is to admit it. The second is to seek help.
    Total 'Failed Business' Debt £29,043
    Que sera, sera. <3
  • Whatever way you need to confront the elephantine the room and tell your partner.

    Then resolve the addiction (as others have suggested above)

    Then solve the debt issue, with careful planning, reduce spending (lots of ideas on lots posts)

    Be financially savvy by knowing where you are financially every day, accruing for future costs and living within your budget.
    Debt is a symptom, solve the problem.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 342.5K Banking & Borrowing
  • 249.9K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 234.6K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 607.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 172.8K Life & Family
  • 247.4K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.8K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards