Aunt sharing my photo to online men
AubreyMac
Posts: 1,723 Forumite
My aunty is in her 60s and is newly divorced after being married for 34 years.
She’s put herself on the online dating scene and there have been attempts from men to scam her. Luckily she is wise to this and would not part with 10p nevermind several thousand £’s.
But she is so naïve and trusting – she’s very open and honest about herself in terms of what she do, where she live, her past and family. In the past week another relative noticed she was sending genuine pics of herself to the men shes chatting to. These are not sexualised pics, just normal pics of her in restaurants or whichever outing she’s at. This relative saw her send a group pic to a man she was chatting to and flipped at her because she did not gain permission from all the others in the group photo. My aunty felt she was just being uptight.
Yesterday I saw this relative and she told me that my aunty had sent a pic of just me to this guy she was talking to as well as other single pics of other family members. I do not feel comfortable with this especially as she’s not even met these men in person and I fear they could be scammers.
I will be seeing my aunty on Weds for a meal (it’ll only be just us). She’s aware that I’ve bumped into this relative that flipped at her so I will wait for my aunty to start a conversation on it. But there’s a chance she might not.
I want to tell her I do not approve or appreciate her sending my pic to some unknown and not gaining my permission or even informing me of it. She is sensitive though and might fly off the handle or even deny it.
So, how can I tactfully word it? I do need help because I can be very direct which in the past has caused a lot of offence. She clearly does not see what the issue is but I need to make her understand.
She’s put herself on the online dating scene and there have been attempts from men to scam her. Luckily she is wise to this and would not part with 10p nevermind several thousand £’s.
But she is so naïve and trusting – she’s very open and honest about herself in terms of what she do, where she live, her past and family. In the past week another relative noticed she was sending genuine pics of herself to the men shes chatting to. These are not sexualised pics, just normal pics of her in restaurants or whichever outing she’s at. This relative saw her send a group pic to a man she was chatting to and flipped at her because she did not gain permission from all the others in the group photo. My aunty felt she was just being uptight.
Yesterday I saw this relative and she told me that my aunty had sent a pic of just me to this guy she was talking to as well as other single pics of other family members. I do not feel comfortable with this especially as she’s not even met these men in person and I fear they could be scammers.
I will be seeing my aunty on Weds for a meal (it’ll only be just us). She’s aware that I’ve bumped into this relative that flipped at her so I will wait for my aunty to start a conversation on it. But there’s a chance she might not.
I want to tell her I do not approve or appreciate her sending my pic to some unknown and not gaining my permission or even informing me of it. She is sensitive though and might fly off the handle or even deny it.
So, how can I tactfully word it? I do need help because I can be very direct which in the past has caused a lot of offence. She clearly does not see what the issue is but I need to make her understand.
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Comments
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Has she seen the recent Barclays ad where they show how it's possible to gain enough info to commit identity fraud?
Not sure I understand the issue though if they're group photos in an everyday setting0 -
gettingtheresometime wrote: »Has she seen the recent Barclays ad where they show how it's possible to gain enough info to commit identity fraud?
Even I've not seen that - I don't watch TV but will youtube it later.gettingtheresometime wrote: »Not sure I understand the issue though if they're group photos in an everyday setting
But she's been sending a pic of just me (I guess zoomed in from a group pic as I don't recall her taking a pic of just me or me sending one to her) and others pics of family members on their own.
Seeing how naïve she is and open about her own life to people she's not actually met in person, I'm now thinking she's likely to send a pic of me and divulge confidential info on me.
It just doesn't seem to occur to her that people may not be who they say they are. She may only realise when it's too late.0 -
Sounds like your Aunty treats people on-line (who she doesn't actually know, but might think she does) like her real life friends. It's definitely not appropriate for her to be sending pics of anyone other than herself on an on-line dating site. Ever. She also needs to take care about disclosing identifying personal information such as her surname and address/street before she's met them and got to know them a bit.
Why not just have a conversation with her re above, let her know that you know about the pic she's sent of you. She needs to learn how to protect herself, and her own family, more and not just from the gold digging scammers. Anyone can misrepresent who they are and what they're really about on-line, it's quite common on some sites.0 -
Withdrawing my previous post. I had missed the point that the aunt hadn't met the people she was sending pictures to. There is nothing wrong with showing strangers pictures of your relatives, however I agree she should at least have a first date in a public place before doing so.0
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Yes, I think I would feel unhappy about that. If you meet someone, say on holiday, or at a party / event, and show them pictures of your family, you wouldn't normally give them copies to keep.0
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If you want to soften it for your aunt you could make it about you being very private and careful online rather than about her being open.But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,Had the whole of their cash in his care.
Lewis Carroll0 -
I would be bloody furious if anyone had sent a stranger a photo of me.theSo, how can I tactfully word it? I do need help because I can be very direct which in the past has caused a lot of offence. She clearly does not see what the issue is but I need to make her understand.
If she can't see what the issue is I'd forget about tact and be very direct.
She needs to get the message.0 -
I would be bloody furious if anyone had sent a stranger a photo of me.
If she can't see what the issue is I'd forget about tact and be very direct.
She needs to get the message.
Completely agree with that. If you keep trying to treat her with empathy and sensitivity to her feelings, you are ignoring the danger to your own. Shock her out of it, she has to be made to see the danger in the way she is using the internet.I think this job really needs
a much bigger hammer.
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Thanks guys.
She does need to be told but reason I want to be tactful is that she clearly doesn't understand the dangers as she's clearly naive. Therefore I doubt shouting at her will help, if anything that will just make her be more secretive.0 -
Thanks guys.
She does need to be told but reason I want to be tactful is that she clearly doesn't understand the dangers as she's clearly naive. Therefore I doubt shouting at her will help, if anything that will just make her be more secretive.
Who said anything about shouting at her?
I suggested you be 'very direct'.
Maybe your 'very direct' and mine are very different.0
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