Advice on child maintenance payment to ex-wife

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  • mgdavid
    mgdavid Posts: 6,705
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    You're still being a doormat.
    The questions that get the best answers are the questions that give most detail....
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 46,863
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    For the sake of your children, please consider whether paying these school fees is viable. No child wants to hear that Mum or Dad can't afford X because they have school fees to pay, or worse that if one parent isn't paying their share of the school fees they will have to move schools. If you can't afford to commit between you that the school fees won't be used as a weapon/ bargaining tool, then move the child to a state school now.
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  • pinkshoes
    pinkshoes Posts: 20,036
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    silvercar wrote: »
    For the sake of your children, please consider whether paying these school fees is viable. No child wants to hear that Mum or Dad can't afford X because they have school fees to pay, or worse that if one parent isn't paying their share of the school fees they will have to move schools. If you can't afford to commit between you that the school fees won't be used as a weapon/ bargaining tool, then move the child to a state school now.

    Agree with this ^^^!

    Private school fees are a HUGE commitment, and having to remove a child from private into state school can be awful for the child.

    Personally I would use a state school for primary education, then private school when they start Y7, as at primary school years, it is more what the parents do that contributes to a child's learning that what they do at school. Regular reading, encouraging writing, getting them asking questions etc...

    This way you could perhaps put aside the fees you are saving which would then pay the private school further down the line?
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  • Chris_P_2
    Chris_P_2 Posts: 194 Forumite
    its not private school, just breakfast and after school club at her local. And i could afford it but dont she why i should, especially if she wants to use the "legally I can claim more maintenace each year" argument
  • It's a very young age for a child to be put in a breakfast club as well as a late afternoon club. I would think she'll be exhausted.
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  • Chris_P_2
    Chris_P_2 Posts: 194 Forumite
    It's a very young age for a child to be put in a breakfast club as well as a late afternoon club. I would think she'll be exhausted.

    Well she's done it for a year. And considering we have no family within 100 miles we have no choice.
  • Chris_P wrote: »
    Well she's done it for a year. And considering we have no family within 100 miles we have no choice.

    With two very young children having to split their time between two feuding parents there's more at stake here than the money. Their welfare must come first.
    It is not because things are difficult that we dare not venture
    It is because we dare not venture that they are difficult


    SENECA
  • Chris_P_2
    Chris_P_2 Posts: 194 Forumite
    With two very young children having to split their time between two feuding parents there's more at stake here than the money. Their welfare must come first.

    which it does. I fail to see what your point is
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,367
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    It's a very young age for a child to be put in a breakfast club as well as a late afternoon club. I would think she'll be exhausted.


    Many people have a misconception of what before and after school clubs are about. The one my kids went to offered an environment supposed to replicate as much as possible that of children at home/with parents. It offered both quiet and full-on activities to suit all the kids. They had a TV room, they had a room where they could lay down and rest, they did craft activities as much as sporting activities, they also helped with homework in addition to them sitting to have a healthy breakfast.

    My kids had no problems attending breakfast/after school clubs. Besides brushing their teeth and getting dressed, they did everything they would have done at home there, and by the time I picked them up after school, they would have played, did their homework, watched a bit of TV as they would have done at home.
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 46,863
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    Chris_P wrote: »
    its not private school, just breakfast and after school club at her local. And i could afford it but dont she why i should, especially if she wants to use the "legally I can claim more maintenace each year" argument

    Understood. I raised a red herring.

    Logically, if you have 50/50 care, you should each be paying the costs of clubs on the days you have the children.

    If you refuse to pay it, will she manage child care and getting to and from work without it? Or will she pay it. If she genuinely can't afford it, what happens? I'm assuming you both will have one contract with the club provider, so if she doesn't pay her share, your joint bill will be in arrears.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on The Coronavirus Boards as well as the housing, mortgages and student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
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