Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017

Savvy_sewing · 7 January 2017 at 9:17AM

I am sitting up in bed when I should be up and getting ready for work.
BF has gone home this morning to hopefully get his central heating sorted out.
I was due to take dgd with me to his tonight but he has just said that he will come here to save disruption to dgd until after his birthday trip next weekend.
One of the other Mum's is going to make sure dgd gets to the Pantomime with her Brownie so that has solved my dilemma there and Biggests going to collect her from her for me on Saturday.
I like it when a plan comes together.
I better get dressed and get ready for work. I open the shop in an hour!
Have a good weekend everyone.

tiredmum2 · 7 January 2017 at 9:24AM

I am not sure how to start this reply but i will start by saying good morning and I hope you are all well.
I aam a very long term reader of your thread Mooloo but yesterday their were some posts on here which made me feel uncomfortable the nasty comment by one poster to another regarding their signature was uncalled for because they questioned some of your posts as you know if you put your life out there on the internet you leave your self open to questions and criticisms as well as helpful suggestions.
I was a little concerned over your statement regarding DS partner you may well think she is unwell but you are not medically trained to give that diagnosis she obviously needs help and if i remember rightly she has not had much of a supportive life until now by putting statements like that online people may well recognise who she is and there will be a stigma and gossip which if she is suffering from a mental illness will not help. I do get you were angry at the time.
I also do understand other posters questioning your financial posts in one breath stating you need the landlord to lower the rent as you are struggling and in the next breath saying you are taking three holidays per year one holiday a year is enough for most and for some working families they cannot afford one. You must see that the benefits you are given to help you have a reasonable standard of living not a luxurious one and that is why people question this.
The question posed by the other poster was regarding biggest they have major debt and 2 small children she already had a wedding dress and just because she no longer likes it or her father cannot afford to help don't really detract from this you need the money you have for yourself and DG not wedding dresses, our two DDs will not have their weddings paid for by us as we decided to pay for their uni fees and lodgings so that they started their working lives debt free we are not unusual and most young couples pay for their own weddings now .
Before I am slated i would just like to say I think you do a wonderful job and i have followed your story from the very start your life is your own and like any normal person when you read something you have questions or things you want to reply to thats what makes this forum what it is .

Almost-free · 7 January 2017 at 3:03PM

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got "
I think you should recognise that there are different ways of showing love - sometimes a response that doesn't remove short term pain may instead result in long term gain.
I aim to 'live and love' as well but I want my kids to learn from their mistakes and to problem solve for themselves .

As a bankrupt I don't understand that you are comfortable being in debt and clearly your mum often gives you large ( in my eyes) sums of money which stop you hitting rock bottom, so maybe it's a family trait.
Your daughters fianc! didn't ' lie by omission '- he lied! And if she just takes over his debts and finances - he learns nothing from that. Plus I agree with the tiredmum- paying for a wedding dress because she didn't like the first is ridiculous. It could have been altered or she could have done the sensible thing and put up with it,as she would have had to, had you not jumped in with money your mother gave you.
I have always felt your son was neglected in amongst the chaos of the twins when they were young ( and got severely flamed for saying so back then) and I think he has learnt that going off the rails will get him attention - which it has. Learnt behaviour patterns in a family are very strong.
I also think that you have a need to be the person that everyone turns to in times of trouble and get a lot of satisfaction in solving their problems - whether it's the right thing for them or not . Many psychologists say we teach people how to treat us.

I won't comment again because I am not trying to cause hurt or discord , and in any case ,I think you are blind to what I have said ( and what tiredmum2 said more eloquently than I did ).

I also agree with another comment ( sorry I can't credit but I'm on my phone) who said it's easy to look into someone else's life and feel you could do better . I've certainly made enough of my own mistakes, but I have been very grateful when friends have pointed out something to me, so I can try to avoid the same mistake in future . I appreciate the same words from a stranger wouldn't be as well accepted !

I wish you well in 2017 Mooloo .

grey_lady · 7 January 2017 at 4:03PM

I can see where some posters are coming from, however there is nothing wrong with Mooloo claiming everything that she is entitled to and spending her money how she sees fit, having a couple of holidays might be very important to her own well being, its not easy raising a small child single handedly whilst working full-time and having the responsibility of paying other peoples wages.

I do hope Mooloo that you are scrupulous in declaring your changing income levels /cash gifts/living with partner situation to the benefits people as i would hate to think of something coming to bite you in the future e.g. overpayments needing to be repaid.

Savvy_sewing · 7 January 2017 at 4:15PM

I am not going to disect all the comments be they what I agree or don't agree with.
I will say that DSs GF is diagnosed by the doctors not me.
I have had some large amounts of money in the last 12 months from my mother, and I am eternally grateful. I wasn't so luck growing up as my parents didn't have money all the time Dad was in the RAF the wages were poor and the accommodation was not always up to standard.
I don't get the satisfaction that you think I do from solving my children's money problems. I tried to teach them budgeting and have sat down with all of them every time there has been an issue and tried to get them to understand it.
Maybe I am just a terrible mother. We aren't taught parenting, we aren't taught budgeting or many life skills in modern schools so we do what we think is best.
Yes I went bankrupt in 2006 after a stroke, a hysterectomy and thriving staff and an insurance policy that would not pay out.
Yes I have a small debt. I have explained the ins and outs of the financial situation.
I am entitled to live how I see fit. Having my holidays on a budget and split into single weeks or long weekends with regular intervals is the way I cope and manage my Health and my SAD problems.
I am lucky enough to have been my mothers companion for the Christmas holidays and I only booked the holiday as She paid for it. She doesn't have a credit card. If she had taken any of my siblings or a companion she employed she would have paid for them.
I "worked" hard to make it a memorable holiday for her and we went where she wanted and did what she wanted,. She is 81 next month and practically blind. I don't know how long she will have her limited vision for sonif she wants me to take her I will.
Being Self employed means that I can plan my work around my family and my life choices.
The business etc has still to be viable for the landlord to put up more. I don't think that I have ever mentioned asking for a rent reduction though. Maybe I am mistaken as I don't always remember what I have told you, but I only think that I have said that it will depend on the rent terms whether it is viable to renew the lease or not.
I could go on, but I don't think that it is worth it.
Each to their own.

I am fortunate enough that the work is coming in thick and fast these last few days and that if it continues to, in the new financial year my claims for help will be reduced and eventually I will have no need for them. That is why I work so hard for not a lot now.
It is also why I have a debt free date ahead of me, and why I know exactly how much money I have and don't have.

annandale · 7 January 2017 at 4:21PM

Cash gifts don't count as income. For it to affect tax credits or housing benefit it would have to be a large sum of money.

Re the living with bf situation I was always under the impression that if you lived with a partner 2-3 nights a week that could count as living together for housing benefit purposes. I can't post the link as I'm on my phone but apparently you would need to be living with a partner full time before you would have to declare it.

Savvy_sewing · 7 January 2017 at 4:37PM

annandale wrote: »

Cash gifts don't count as income. For it to affect tax credits or housing benefit it would have to be a large sum of money.

Re the living with bf situation I was always under the impression that if you lived with a partner 2-3 nights a week that could count as living together for housing benefit purposes. I can't post the link as I'm on my phone but apparently you would need to be living with a partner full time before you would have to declare it.

Thanks I will investigate.
I don't get full housing benefit but I will check. This will be the first time he has been here 3 times in a week. But if it looks like he might be here more often than I will budget accordingly. I don't think that he would be though. Although I may go there for a night or two. We will see.
I don't think we are planning to move in together until 2019.
When I am debt free, aim to be off of benefits by then completely and dgd is ready for big school.
The way we have been it will remain to be seen. But I am trying to be positive that we will finally get it sorted.

surveyqueenuk · 7 January 2017 at 4:47PM

grey_lady wrote: »

I do hope Mooloo that you are scrupulous in declaring your changing income levels /cash gifts/living with partner situation to the benefits people as i would hate to think of something coming to bite you in the future e.g. overpayments needing to be repaid.

This, a thousand times over. Mooloo, you are by far, the most identifiable poster on this forum and, as you know, there is always someone ready to stick the knife in.

Please don't feel any guilt about the holidays. In order to remain a fit guardian to DGD, you need to look after your emotional wellbeing. Let's face it, you get precious little opportunity to do this at home, what with work and family. I suspect that at times, it's only the thought of Portugal in the near future that keeps you from a full-on nervous breakdown.

Finger pointers may want to consider what the cost to society would be if Mooloo wasn't mentally fit to look after DGD.

Savvy_sewing · 7 January 2017 at 5:56PM

I admit I am feeling very defensive about this today. I am always trying to do my best, and although some things have become cyclable in my actions I do feel that I am doing better and I don't feel as if I am a victim of circumstances anymore. I feel more positive and I do feel more able then I did.
I notice the worst posts have been removed now.
I have always been honest with housing and tax credits so I don't have to fear huge bills but I will call then and change the claim accordingly as the financial situation changes and if the living situation changes etc.
I may not be the best Mum in the world but I am honest.

tiredmum2 · 7 January 2017 at 6:38PM

Nobody has suggested you are not a good mother , Daughter or grandmother so I do not understand your rationale
I am also not a finger pointer I am a SAHM with an 84 yer old mother and 3 children one of whom has Aspergers all be it mildly so I do have some knowledge of the situation oh and I am an adopted child
I also believe that the benefit system is a god send and unfortunately necessity for some but it is for basics not sports cars or foreign holidays this is my opinion
I also do not agree with is making people fully aware of an easily identifiable vulnerable persons illness being made public .
As for someone pointing out the pitfalls of BF staying over they are trying to help before there is a problem and large financial gifts do not affect the receiver but will affect the giver if HMRC decide to look into there affairs as you can only give a set amount of money to family members per year
I am afraid if you put your life in print you cannot expect people to read and not pass comment be it fawning or otherwise .

Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017

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