When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

Toni'sfriend wrote: »

Well done on making an appointment at the debt advice service. Look out all your paperwork and take it with you and tell them everything. Tell them about any arrears on fines, etc, Some of it may be embarrassing but they won't be able to help you properly if they don't have all the facts. It's obvious from the figures that you just don't have enough money coming in to sort this out as it stands at present on your own. I would calmly show OH the figures and tell him you're consulting debt advice. If he doesn't like it - tough. Could be helpful if he came with you but I suspect that will not happen - you could always ask though.
I agree that with the exception of friends and family and Virgin you don't have much leeway. Your aunt and stepdad seem happy to wait. Would your friend do the same? As for your mother - who knows? See what debt people say about Virgin.
Please don't despair. With the appropriate help it can be solved but it's not going to happen overnight. Keep letting us know how you're doing.

GeorgianaCavendish wrote: »

You're doing so well but I'm really worried that your OH doesn't appreciate firstly, how serious your family situation is and secondly, how much of it is his responsibility!

It's all very well coming up with budgets and repayment plans, but this is so dependent on your OH actually bringing home that much per week (so both having to work X amount of hours, no holidays or days off AND not buying tools or doing something else so that he's not bringing home his full wages).

If he has access to your bank account, surely he can see for himself that you aren't spending money on gambling?! Or does he just use the access to get money out rather than keep informed of your financial situation?

When you are having discussions with him I think you really need to lay your cards on the table. As a family, you can't afford some of these expenses ; those "double lunches" for OH (packed lunch plus him buying something); spending so much on smoking/vaping (or both in OH case) and your family definitely can't afford another fine or to be late with some of these payments.

It seems like you are doing all the heavy lifting with the budget and sorting out the repayments/ court appearances and I do understand that your OH needs to be working as much as possible so he might not be able to come along to these appointments, but that doesn't mean it's up to you to deal with it ALONE. He really needs to wake up and realise that he has just as much responsibility to pay them off and not make things worse.

I'm also a bit concerned about the "debt" to your mum. Does she understand that you can't keep repaying for expenses she's generated during childcare hours? I know it's lovely of her to look after your kids, but I think it's really unfair for her to decide to buy them something without consulting you and then ask you for the money? Have you been explicit with her and said something like "repaying this debt to you right now means I won't be able to pay our rent, and we could be evicted"? Or even told her not to buy the extras for your kids and that if she does then you won't be paying for them?

I think the idea about helping her with cleaning etc in exchange for some cash is a good one. My mum used to do that with her mum. Actually my family situation growing up was very similar to yours now, my dad was v much like your OH even down to my mum having to go to court for the tv licence (when she thought he'd paid it all). This is why I'm saying budgeting can't work unless your OH is on board with it and isn't continuing to spend as though he has no debts.

Toni'sfriend wrote: »

GC - I could not agree with you more. She really needs OH to step up and address his responsibilities and he's just not doing that and nothing will really change until he does. It's great that she's plucked up the courage to go for debt counseling but it's all dependant on him actually giving her the money. I really don't know what else to suggest if she wants to stay in the relationship..