Can't afford to stay in a relationship

Lostformoney wrote: »

45+ hours a week, he earns 2100 per month, after rent, council tax, electricity debt (as we can't pay in full), wheelchair loan, fuel for car and a nominal payment to all our debtors, he has £5.50 left. We then relied on my income from tax credits & child benefit to cover food, clothes and school taxi/lunches fees. My PIP pays car finance & insurance. I am normally left with nothing in my account each week, so losing tax credits means we have no food money unless we don't pay something)

Have you contacted your local MP? If you e-mail them asking for help and advice (explain who you have already gone to) they may be able to suggest some local charities in your area that may be able to help with school drop off/collection (school attendance is compulsory so maybe the gov has a scheme to ensure children attend if parents are disabled?). No harm in asking. Support for people with Mental Health issues seems to be high on the governments agenda at the moment... No harm in mentioning you have mh issues!

Does your husbands employer have a childcare scheme?
Is hubby a member of a union? Most unions have a welfare fund you could apply for. It is usually a one off amount but could be used to clear a small debt?

Are the children not entitled to free school meals? If not, packed lunches would be cheaper.

Good quality Clothing can be bought from charity shops. For school uniforms, ask the school if they have a recycle scheme, if they don't, ask for this idea to be shared at the next governors meeting, If that fails, post requests on Facebook selling sites (or create your own site linked to the children's particular school).

Can you register at a food bank?

Contact the Electricity company (in writing) asking them if they could reduce your payments further. They cannot cut off your electric if you have dependant children.

On a side note, I have been involved in a 'support a family' scheme in my area a number of times. This was a voluntary scheme set up by local people who gave their time and goods (food, clothes, nappies, hygiene goods, buggy so, etc) to support a needy family for 9 months whilst they got back on their feet. The criteria for acceptance was strict (as they only help those willing to help themselves). Find out if there is anything like that in your area. If there isn't, ask your MP if they would set one up.

Something doesn't ring right here. You have said nothing of the child tax credits you receive and with four children, even on £2,100 a month, assuming this is gross, then you should be entitled to something plus of course child benefit.

You may have some additional costs due to your disabilities, but from what you say, there are not so significant that much money each month need to go on them. You are therefore not that different to many families with 4 children who have to make due with one salary and tax credit/CB.

It sounds that your main issue is your accommodation. Paying half one's main income on rent is always going to be an issue, so you need to focus on this. You do have some requirements that will reduce availability, but if you/your OH are prepared to accept to make compromises in terms of location, size etc... there will be something available at some point that will be cheaper.

Frankly, I find your suggestion to break up your happy family so you can claim benefit rather than looking at compromises quite upsetting. Do you really think your children value your current house and what you can get them with money over being able to be with their dad every day and more importantly, helping you with your needs so they don't feel they have to step in to care for you and worry about you?

Ames wrote: »

The op did say that she's had help from CAB with debts and is making £1 token payments, I'm not sure that Stepchange will do anything different.

I disagree. For a start, paying £1 a month isn't sustainable and secondly they could make other suggestions such as a DRO or bankruptcy. On the face of it, the OP may well meet the criteria for either.

To be fair on OP, having to adjust one's lifestyle when income suddenly drops, especially when you were already stretching your budget in the first place is quite a scary place to be in. You get comfortable with your lifestyle and the realisation that the only way you can make ends meet is to make drastic changes to your life is not a great place to be in, especially when you have to cope with three children and a newborn.

However, it was a risk to take to assume that this benefit income would always be forthcoming and the reason why there is so much talk about the 'benefit trap'.It does raise the question of the impact of benefits on families and how dependent they become on a certain lifestyle that they would opt to break up a family rather than considering reducing their lifestyle.