Frump to Fab 2017 - A Whole New World

Goood morning lovely ladies.

Ruby......I just want to put my arms round you and give you a big "Mummy hug". YOu are doing a sterling job with your twin boys, without any real help or support. Have you no family members, grannies, aunties at all. It can be very hard when they are babies.

Like you I had no real support network because we had moved away, so I had no mum, sister, aunties etc nearby. My husband worked away a lot and I struggled at times. There was an Age gap of 22 months with my boys and I found that hard enough, especially as DS1 had asthma and was often poorly. I honestly don't know how I would have managed with twins.

I do sometimes think though that actually, you have three baby boys to deal with, not two............:o

Perhaps your partner is just someone who cannot relate to babies, and he might find it easier when the boys are a little older and he can do "man stuff" with them and play "rough and tumble dad games".
Some men are just not very good with babies but then come into their own as the children grow into "little people".

I think the other thing is some men may not realise just how much time and effort it takes to look after babies. Some men do get a bit jealous and feel left out. Then, like your partner, they use any small setback as an excuse to storm off in a huff.....

Parenthood doesn't always come easily. It can be a huge adjustment, especially if you havent any real experience of young children. In the days of large families people were often surrounded by babies, toddlers and children and therefore when they had their own it wasn't such a life changer. But, with smaller families, many new parents have zero experience of being around babies and it comes as a huge shock.

Your partner may eventually relax and "grow into the role".

Would he consider going to couple counselling ..........it might help him explore some of the issues and help him settle down into fatherhood.

The sad fact though is that not everyone is cut out to be a parent and unfortunately they dont find out until it's too late. As you point out being a parent requires endless patience (and stamina). Patience doesn't come naturally to everyone but it can be learned. Perhaps parenting classes would help.......(although I'm guessing he would have to be dragged kicking and screaming).

You are a natural mother who has a real understanding and affinity with her children. LIke Sugarbaby (and myself) you just took to parenthood like a duck to water, but some people don't find it quite so easy and it takes them a bit longer to adapt and learn.

I had a very interesting conversation wIth my sister the other day. She confessed that it took her several months to really bond with her daughter.

Difficulty in bonding with your child is just not something that is talked about much because people feel too embarrassed or ashamed. However, not every new mum experiences that immediate intense rush of "mother love". With some it comes more slowly. So really we shouldn't be surprised if sometimes it takes even longer with new fathers.