Not going to a wedding after rsvp?

2

Comments

  • 7roland8
    7roland8 Posts: 3,601 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Looks like you have been leading your friend on. Foolish for her to assume you'd be going after a chat a year ago, things change for everyone. But you have confirmed in a way by giving dates, why do that? Best get in touch to say you cannot go, but I doubt shell be best pleased. But best to be true to your feelings. Though not everyone who is not in constant contact loose touch, it depends on the relationship.
    Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. -- Sally Koch
  • warehouse
    warehouse Posts: 3,362 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    Write a nice letter apologising and be honest, that's all I'd want.
    Pants
  • grazuole999
    grazuole999 Posts: 9 Forumite
    Yes, I agree that I was leading them on, that's why I feel obliged to go. However, I was genuinely planning to go to their wedding until fairly recently.

    I haven't seen them for the last 2-3 months, we planned to meet a couple of times, but it was always postponed from their side. They might be busy, but it seems like we have lost interest to meet or even keep in touch from both sides.

    Now that me and OH decided to go ahead with a house purchase, that kind of expensive trip/wedding feels extravagant for us. I would still want to go if we were close friends, but wouldn't be spending that kind of money for someone who is not that close to me.

    Of course, I'd love to keep our relationship, but not sure how this will affect it if I tell them that I won't attend after all
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,906 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic First Post
    RSVP pronto, so they can rearrange people & numbers, but send them a letter & invite them to come over for a meal after the honeymoon so you can see the photos etc?

    Presents are very personal so do what feels right for you - there isn't a rulebook as such. (Thank Heavens!)

    It may be a bit of a shock, but be gently calmly clear & after the palaver is done, odds on the happy couple will be ready to revisit & reconsider any hasty views.

    All the best, for you & for your friend!
  • grazuole999
    grazuole999 Posts: 9 Forumite
    Thanks, I really like the idea about inviting them out for a nice dinner once they get back to see the wedding photos etc.
  • 7roland8
    7roland8 Posts: 3,601 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Yes I would give her some slack. I'm sure her head is so filled with 'weddings' she cannot think of anything else and does not realise everyone else is not so committed!
    Just because you've not met up is no reason to drop her - just keep lines of communication open.
    A get-together suggestion for afterwards is great - then if things still fall away between you you'll know that the friendship has run its course.
    Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. -- Sally Koch
  • firebird082
    firebird082 Posts: 577 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I don't know weddings abroad work, but if it was my wedding, and I hadn't had an RSVP by the requested date, I would have assumed you weren't coming! I think it's quite late in the day to be giving a decline, so I suppose the only thing to do is let the couple know ASAP, and be very apologetic.
  • grazuole999
    grazuole999 Posts: 9 Forumite
    edited 5 July 2016 at 10:50AM
    It was not noted on the invite how to rsvp - just says 'rsvp by Feb 2016'. Obviously I lead them on thinking that we will attend (as we were actually planning to). So obviously it's not nice to bail out now when not much time left... I'll offer to pay for our food, invite them to dinner after the wedding and try to make it up with a nice pressie.. hopefully we will stay friends.

    It's not an ideal situation and in a way I'm gutted that we won't be going, but have to prioritise...

    Thank you guys for your opinions and advice xx
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    grazuole999 wrote: »
    We used to be quite close when we worked together and I told them that I would come to the wedding if they invited me (this was a year ago).

    But since I left that job we started growing apart, not meeting or texting that often, seems we no longer have many things in common.
    grazuole999 wrote: »
    I'll offer to pay for our food, invite them to dinner after the wedding and try to make it up with a nice pressie.. hopefully we will stay friends

    Why? It sounds as if this a friendship that is naturally on its way out.
  • grazuole999
    grazuole999 Posts: 9 Forumite
    I don't want any bad feelings and would like to keep in touch if they want to. We were close once and that means something to me, even if we fell apart
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