How to deal with a bullying colleague?

New_Me · 10 October 2016 at 9:57AM

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Another possible way of dealing with emails from someone sitting opposite you is just to say "Oh, Sally, thanks for your email, I'll get right onto that / that's my job for after lunch, but next time just ask, I'm only over here. And I would find it easier if you speak to me rather than filling my inbox with multiple emails."

I have a colleague who sometimes annoys me, and I know I annoy her too. I go out of my way to go and speak to her rather than firing off an exchange of annoyed emails ...

This is a great tip. I have also worked with someone who sent nasty emails, but they were fine when I replied in person

AlwaysWorking · 10 October 2016 at 12:47PM

Good morning everyone! Sorry I haven't responded over the weekend. I deliberately didn't let myself think about work and tried to relax and have fun...I don't want this to affect my marriage by worrying about her all the time!

To answer some people's questions my role is a new one, so it's hard to define what is 'my' job and what isn't. But, to be honest, I'm happy taking on anything as I like to be busy. This lady would be senior to me, but my job isn't supposed to be acting as her PA...that's just how it feels.

One of the things she has me doing is her credit control. I've done this before so it's not an issue. She has me copy her into EVERY email I send/receive in relation to this...which I can understand, but she doesn't appear to take notice of them as she emails every day with a list of names/companies she wants updates on...even when she knows she only asked me to chase them the day before.

The point of receiving the emails seems to be so that she can critique HOW I write, which she does in a very loud voice. Where I don't have an email address, I begin by writing a letter, enclosing a statement, as some of the debts have been carried over for a few years. This morning she emailed to ask for an update on one she only asked me to chase on Thursday afternoon...I explained it had been posted second class that day and I would chase later in the week. She responded by saying I should be phoning people as 'Sending letters is costly'. The debt goes back 4 years and hasn't been chased in that time.... I did ask her for contact names, numbers etc before and she told me to google them. :mad:

gettingtheresometime · 10 October 2016 at 1:11PM

I used to work with someone who loved to be copied on emails and yes it does demoralise you as you're made to feel about 10 - especially when you're asked about the subject and you know you've done what was asked, copied them in on an email and they haven't even bothered to read the email!

I came to see it for what it was - a power thing.

Can I suggest that you suggest to her than rather you copy her on every email sent and received that it would be more time efficient if you both got together at a prearranged time every week so you could give her updates on the outstanding debt?

(it does sound as if the proverbal has hit the fan over the debt and now its being chased)

Also how confident are you in chasing this debt up by phone initially? Then you know exactly who to email / chase up as well as building relationships and get someone to talk to? I must admit I prefer chasing debt up by phone for these very reasons but I'm sorry if I'm teaching you to suck eggs

RuthnJasper · 10 October 2016 at 2:38PM

Browntoa wrote: »

I'd reply to each one politely and cc or bcc your boss in

I was going to suggest exactly this! Good luck to you, OP, she sounds like a nightmare - and I've worked with some really nasty specimens over the years. Just keep a record of everything in a diary (and maybe print out each email, in case the system crashes and wipes them), and she probably won't have a leg to stand on.

In my experience, often the upper management are aware that there's a problem but are too ineffectual or intimidated by the bully themselves to do anything.

You have absolute right to enjoy your new job; I'm so sorry it's being spoiled by this gorgon.

Every good wish to you.

AlwaysWorking · 10 October 2016 at 2:55PM

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

Can I suggest that you suggest to her than rather you copy her on every email sent and received that it would be more time efficient if you both got together at a prearranged time every week so you could give her updates on the outstanding debt?

She had sent me an email a while back when I first started doing this for her. I had everything ready for the meeting...still waiting for it. I think she prefers the micro-manage route.

Last Wednesday the only time she spoke to me was to complain that I type too loudly so now I'm afraid to touch the keyboard lol! I feel like a child even though we're the same age.

.Gigolo_Aunt · 10 October 2016 at 3:06PM

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Another possible way of dealing with emails from someone sitting opposite you is just to say "Oh, Sally, thanks for your email, I'll get right onto that / that's my job for after lunch, but next time just ask, I'm only over here. And I would find it easier if you speak to me rather than filling my inbox with multiple emails."

It's a sure sign that they're not very competent if within 5 minutes of arriving, they've sent about 10 emails!

.Gigolo_Aunt · 10 October 2016 at 3:09PM

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

Last Wednesday the only time she spoke to me was to complain that I type too loudly so now I'm afraid to touch the keyboard lol! I feel like a child even though we're the same age.

Ridiculous! What on earth are you typing on, an old Woodstock?

You've let this woman get to you, and you're going to have to work hard now, to re-gain her respect. If you don't she will continue until you are afraid to even breathe too loudly.

gettingtheresometime · 10 October 2016 at 3:49PM

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

She had sent me an email a while back when I first started doing this for her. I had everything ready for the meeting...still waiting for it. I think she prefers the micro-manage route.

Last Wednesday the only time she spoke to me was to complain that I type too loudly so now I'm afraid to touch the keyboard lol! I feel like a child even though we're the same age.

Then it's time to show some initiative ...send her a meeting request and in the message say that you think it may be more productive to have a weekly meeting.

Then at the time of the meeting get up and say ready for that meeting ?

Or if she doesn't want a meeting send her, without prompting an update on each of the debts though I must admit she does sound as if she'd never be impressed with any displays of initiative (I'd also cc my line manager so at least he'd be aware of my initiative!)

Savvy_Sue · 11 October 2016 at 12:20AM

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

Last Wednesday the only time she spoke to me was to complain that I type too loudly so now I'm afraid to touch the keyboard lol! I feel like a child even though we're the same age.

Time to find out how you could get a new keyboard then. I'd ask your line manager because 'Sally' is complaining yours is noisy: some of them can be a bit rackety, but it does bring the pettiness to your manager's attention ...

Out,_Vile_Jelly · 11 October 2016 at 10:49AM

Not the same as a work colleague, but I once had a flatmate who took a strong dislike to me and expressed this through relentless, petty sniping all day every day. I'm normally quite strong tempered and sarcastic, but to the surprise of my other flatmates I never responded to the digs. I just couldn't be bothered to waste energy on her; it was all so playground and pathetic. Being calm and disinterested was, long term, a better tactic than rising to the bait.

This woman's pettiness (complaining about typing noise, quibbling postage, insisting on CCing etc) reminds me of that situation.

My advice would be:

-maintain a civil, professional demeanour at all times ie wish her a good morning regardless of response, keep emails formal and polite.
-check your role description and objectives, and if these aren't clear then arrange a meeting to clarify; frame the request in the context of wanting to be clear about expected priorities rather than complaining about extra tasks.
-make email work for you, rather than be enslaved by the relentless inbox onslaught. Set up clearly labelled folders for small, routine tasks and ones for messages that need to be archived for future reference. Always ensure your subject titles are succinct and informative so the message is easy to find. You don't have to reply to routine emails in your lunch break, or within 4 seconds of receipt.
-if she criticises anything you do, ask her to confirm the correct procedure in writing and keep this.

Being micro-managed is infuriating, but remember that this isn't a reflection of your skills; it merely means the micro-manager is useless.

How to deal with a bullying colleague?

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