MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Tina lend to close mate Stina?

carla40 · 11 March 2009 at 7:54PM

i definately would not, it happened to us a few years ago, we lent lifelong friends hundreds of pounds and we are still waiting for it to be paid back, they have had a bigger income than us since then but have made no attempt to pay it back, needless to say we are not friends anymore

williemcf · 11 March 2009 at 8:12PM

no way would i risk giving money to friends etc

Cloudane · 11 March 2009 at 9:07PM

Don't think I could risk a friendship by dealing with large sums of money like that. Friends >>>>>> money

It may make a sort of logical sense, but there's too much that can go wrong. You could agree something legally through a solicitor I guess(?) but at least a few problems such as a) It implies a lack of trust, again, putting friendship in danger and b) If something goes wrong, now friend 1 has to really burn their bridges by invoking legal proceedings and c) Probably costs enough to negate the benefits.

Nah, the best thing the friend can do is point them in the direction of MSE and provide support. If this was asked, "I'm sorry, but I don't think we should because (what I just stated)"

x_clare_bear_x · 11 March 2009 at 9:16PM

mb232 wrote: »

When thinking about lending to friends and family, never lend more than you would be willing to give as a gift if they were in enough trouble. It's that simple.

If choose to I lend money I immediatley right it off as spent, that way any money I get back is a bonus. Saying that I would have to look seriously at my finances first and make sure I still have a contingency fund should I need to dip into my savings. If I could afford it I would lend what I can afford and no more.

I also think it's important to put things in writing and set down agreed monthly payments, interest etc (even if you're prepared to write off the debt in your own mind). My experience is that most people want to pay you back and by setting it down in writing it makes it easier for the borrower to budget and keep track of how much they've paid off. Most arguements that I've heard of are about small amounts of money or the last payments

rentanutta · 11 March 2009 at 9:23PM

I have this very same problem I lent my best friend a significant amount of money which was going to be paid back in 6 weeks. now over 2 and 1/2 years later in still waiting for it to be paid off.

I get the feeling it will never be paid back after all the broken promises (the latest being that i would start getting paid in Feb). Still no money. I have definately lost a friend over this.:mad:

englishmac · 11 March 2009 at 10:25PM

gile011 wrote: »

I am very surprised and disappointed with the vast number of negative replies on this forum. I don’t know whether they represent British culture at large or just attitudes of people reading this web site, but I can not believe the lack of trust that people on this forum have in their friends.

I come from former Yugoslavia and have arrived on my own to the UK as an asylum seeker during the Balkan wars ten years ago. In London I met several people who were in similar situation like me and became a good friend with them.

At the time, none of us had a bank account, we were not credible and could not benefit in any way from the formal banking services.

Within a year after my arrival, against all odds, I landed a well paid job with a reputable employer and as a consequence my credit rating soared.

Over the next few years, I was frequently helping out many of my friends, sometimes with large amounts which I didn’t even have and which I borrowed from banks in order to lend to my friends who couldn’t get loans themselves. On one occasion I even paid several thousands of pounds for one friend’s Master’s studies – needless to say, I got ALL my money back! No a penny short!

Today we are all homeowners with good careers and high credit rating. We don’t need to help each other out, but had my luck changed, I know I wouldn’t have to ask twice to borrow money from any one of my friends.

I think this post illustrates the difference in community spirit within countries with long established wealth and those countries where mutual support is the difference between struggling and having a good life. Other posts on this thread descibe the danger of lending to supposed 'friends' in a more throwaway society. Genuine friends wouldn't borrow and not repay their debt. If you can't afford to lose the money, don't lend it to anyone. Even someone who has the good intention to pay the money back can't forsee the future - it could all go pear shaped.

SC24 · 11 March 2009 at 11:16PM

A friend in need is a friend indeed. So glad I'm not friends with any of you lot!

If they were a good friend, of course I would lend it.

scarlet_macaw · 11 March 2009 at 11:41PM

Never lend money to a friend, sell a car to a friend or employ a friend. All are sure ways to end a friendship.

bibi_neko · 12 March 2009 at 1:53AM

Depends, if Tina can afford to lose 3k and doesn't need the 3k in the near future (i.e a millionaire). Sure why not if they are really good friends and really trust each other. But if Tina has to dig into her savings she's planning to use later (like a car or rent) then definitely no.

It's usually best not to mix friends and money, personally i wouldn't lend it to my friend because it's a huge amount which i can't afford to give up and not get back until a "few years".

jenniewb · 12 March 2009 at 5:40AM

MSE_Wendy wrote: »

Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:
Should Tina lend to close mate Stina?

Stina has £3,000 on a credit card, it was at 18%, but the card company's hiked it to 29.9% due to the credit crunch. Having always been able to repay, now she's worried, and sadly her score isn't good enough to do a balance transfer. She tells close friend Tina, who had been complaining that her savings were now earning just 3%. Stina suggests Tina lend her the cash instead to clear the card and she'll pay her 6% interest, a win-win all round? However is lending to a friend ever that easy?

Well, I would say yes, but myself and the majority of my friends have all got own own experiences with similar things and would draw up a contract first. It would cover all bases and we would both have to be happy with the result. I would trust my friends with my life (and in many ways have). I would trust my friends with my money and in the past we have trusted each other with money.

Personally, if I had the money, it would be hers, I would expect it back but would not charge nor expect interest. I would take it personally if she did give me interest unless she was significantly benefitting from the money also.

MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Tina lend to close mate Stina?

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