CSA- Going self employed

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  • richard12345
    richard12345 Posts: 30 Forumite
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    You think! I cannot buy a house, I cannot keep a relationship going. My life has been a waste of time really cos after all this I have no contact with my daughter because her mum turned her against me!
  • richard12345
    richard12345 Posts: 30 Forumite
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    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    I never knew that. Unbelievable!!

    You'll be hearing a lot more about it with the way this country is going.
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    richard12345 wrote: »
    You think! I cannot buy a house, I cannot keep a relationship going. My life has been a waste of time really cos after all this I have no contact with my daughter because her mum turned her against me!

    Sorry to hear that.

    Don't give up on your daughter she may well seek you out when she is older. Most people are curious about their parents eventually.
  • richard12345
    richard12345 Posts: 30 Forumite
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    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    Sorry to hear that.

    Don't give up on your daughter she may well seek you out when she is older. Most people are curious about their parents eventually.

    I had her every weekend for the first 13 years of her life.
  • chriszzz
    chriszzz Posts: 879 Forumite
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    richard12345 wrote: »
    You think! I cannot buy a house, I cannot keep a relationship going. My life has been a waste of time really cos after all this I have no contact with my daughter because her mum turned her against me!

    Unfortunately this is happening far to often.....really is a terrible way to raise children. As long as you pay...that's all that matters to some, what a shame for them poor children who has money on their heads, tut tut!!
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,897 Forumite
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    richard12345 wrote: »
    I had her every weekend for the first 13 years of her life.


    The teenage years are difficult ones we have experienced something similar for 5 years but all is back on track now and has been for some time.
  • speedster
    speedster Posts: 1,300 Forumite
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    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    No she is not. She is saying that to begin with they will not be able to pay as much as they have been paying because of starting the business and having no/low income.

    what you have to remember when dealing with the masses on this forum is that a lot of them are dole scrounging wasters who have played the system for years and are convinced the world owes them a living.

    so when you get someone who is genuinely trying to improve their lives, they're treated like lepers.

    they just cant see the whole picture. it's always about how much money they can screw out of the nrp or the system in general.

    blinkers anyone???? :p
    NEVER ARGUE WITH AN IDIOT. THEY'LL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL AND BEAT YOU WITH EXPERIENCE.

    and, please. only thank when appropriate. not to boost idiots egos.
  • Cinders30
    Cinders30 Posts: 12 Forumite
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    speedster wrote: »
    finally. some sense amongst the ranks on here!

    yes, child support is important, but there is life after marriage.

    who knows, the OP could be stuck in a dead end job earning peanuts, and has decided to go for it and improve his life. which in turn will aid his children.

    but, noooooooo. according to this forum, he should stay in his dead end job and not improve himself, just so he can carry on paying the ex a chunk.

    typical of the attitudes on here. pathetic, blinkered one sided drivel.


    Thank you for you for this you are quite right! Currently we are struggling with our finances and when his children are with us we cannot afford to take them places and do things so we ALL suffer. What i am saying is in the mean time unfortunatly like us the PWC will need to go without slightly like we are going to have to.

    In the long run when we are earning more money than he is in his current job the children will benefit from holidays with us (which they do not get with there mother) new clothes (which she never buys them) and meals out (which her and her new husband go out on there own and leave the kids to make sandwiches)!

    We are not being selfish and not thinking of his children, they too are part of our family, we are simply trying to make life better for us ALL!

    Unfortunatly the business includes manual work which my other half needs to do and has actually been doing at weekends working 7 days a week to try and make a start so i cannot do it also our son who is 10 months old needs looking after!
  • clearingout
    clearingout Posts: 3,290 Forumite
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    to the OP, as someone who's ex uses the self-employment route as a means to evade child maintenance payments, I would ask that you simply 'do right by the children'. Is there any chance of discussing things sensibly with the PWC? I am sure to her it WILL feel like you are doing your best to evade paying so trying to put some kind of alternative in place for the short to medium term whilst the business gets up and running (and hopefully becomes successful) would help matters enormously. Being open and honest with the PWC will help and, if your business is successful, making sure the children benefit will be best for all of you. Try not to see it as 'them and us', but better for all of us. This may actually be an opportunity to drop the CSA and move forwards to a better working relationship.

    I personally would be satisfied if my ex paid for school uniform, hair cuts, shoes and made a contribution to one club/activity for each of our children. I have worked out this would cost him less than half his CSA liability (as currently assessed, he's assessed way below what he should be because of the self-employment) but he won't consider it. Because I chose the CSA route (in his eyes, I didn't, he refused to make any payments whatsoever when he walked out on me, leaving me with huge joint liabilities I couldn't begin to take on), he refuses to pay anything. This attitude is not in anyone's best interests, let alone the children. I have faith one day the system will catch up with him. And until then, I take comfort in the fact he can't open his front door without worrying who might be on the doorstep. His choice.

    Good luck with it. Hopefully it'll be a better future for all concerned.
  • Cinders30
    Cinders30 Posts: 12 Forumite
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    I would just like to add that there are many people who go self employed with the main reason of avoiding making the CSA payments - that is not our reasoning, we want to make a better life for us all and that includes his children!

    There seem to be too many people ready to jump down peoples throats as soon as they mention they cannot afford the meet the CSA payment. We know the children will not go without any more than they do now because their mother doesn't spend a penny on them unless you call feeding them super noodles and bacon sandwiches a high expense!

    We have tried our hardest to get the business off the ground by NRP working 7 days a week but it is just not enough so we much make this next step in to full time. Very kindly my parents have offered to help us but as mentioned we will all need to go without for a short time.

    I am not saying we are never going to pay, i am simply saying that the amount that was worked out on his employment is not going to acceptable when he is no longer earning that salary, we can pay a minimal amount and then after the 13 weeks when we have sent in the paperwork the CSA can work the new figure. I could just cancel the Direct debit and not pay a penny and ignore the CSA's letter like a lot of people do but again than is not what we wish to do.

    There was an agreement in place but the NRP and the PWC cannot speak so there is no chance of another agreement being made. We are currently using solicitors to discuss the property in which they reside as in court PWC agreed she would buy out NRP share of the property if she co-habited or re-married!

    She has co-habited for 2 years which we struggled to prove as her new partner bought a house which he was renting out and we were paying the mortgage on the matrimonial home! They then got married last April so we stopped paying the mortgage and another reason the PWC contacted the CSA we are still waiting for PWC and new husband to sort the situation of her breaking the agreement and them buying NRP out of the property.

    There is £50,000 tied up in the property which is NRP and if they were to do honour the agreement PWC made in court then NRP would give her a chunk for the children or we would be able to continue to pay the current amount.

    As i hope you will see SOME women simply want to destroy NRP lives, she told us that she wants us to suffer and she wants everything she can get. She also told us she wants our son to suffer - serious i hope you can see now what sort of woman we are dealing with. Too be honest i think we are more than reasonable as i really could be swayed to not pay her a penny!
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