Considering separation from Disabled partner

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  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    I agree from the partner's point of view but what about the children?
    Hasn't the OP planned to make sure the children are OK? :whistle:
  • Top_Girl
    Top_Girl Posts: 1,211
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    The OP is the most patronising person I've had the misfortune to read on the internet in quite some time.


    Being in a wheelchair with physical impairment doesn’t mean you can’t be a mummy.



    It doesn't mean you can't be a wife either.
  • Westminster
    Westminster Posts: 1,004
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    My wife is fully engaged (and always was) in the external agency process as regardless of whether I leave or not, we need a replacement for the current carer while I am away with work.
  • Westminster
    Westminster Posts: 1,004
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    Top_Girl wrote: »
    The OP is the most patronising person I've had the misfortune to read on the internet in quite some time.






    It doesn't mean you can't be a wife either.

    Simply a response to the several individuals who were intimating that my wife was in some way not capable of any involvement and the children would be raised entirely by a third-party carer.
  • Lambyr
    Lambyr Posts: 437
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    My wife is fully engaged (and always was) in the external agency process as regardless of whether I leave or not, we need a replacement for the current carer while I am away with work.

    That's good. No reason not to fully engage her with the rest of your preparations to leave then, really, is there?
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
  • Westminster
    Westminster Posts: 1,004
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    Lambyr wrote: »
    That's good. No reason not to fully engage her with the rest of your preparations to leave then, really, is there?

    Let's just return again to the first word of the title - 'considering'.

    I'm still making up my mind whether its something I am going to put up and shut up with (as so many other posters kindly indicate is the best approach in their opinion) - or more likely that we go to visit relate (as I have stated is my intention several times).

    So the preparations are for something that may not occur so its not relevant yet.
  • Lambyr
    Lambyr Posts: 437
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    We can go back to that word as much as you like, it doesn't change the fact that you are making preparations, does it? And it is the making of said preparations that is the telling bit which does make it relevant.

    Have you discussed going to Relate with her yet? And if you do, are you going to be honest and tell her that you've been making these preparations? The effectiveness of any form of counselling directly correlates with the honesty of the participants.
    She would always like to say,
    Why change the past when you can own this day?
  • BBH123 wrote: »
    But any split up can be like that can't it,

    there is never a 'nice' way to split up , always a party will be hurt more than the other is if its not their decision.

    This from the OP to me sounds like him chewing the cud, trying to think of all the possiblities and options and coming on here to glean some perspective.

    There are clearly some on here who think he should put up and shut up but i'm not one of them.

    Heartbreak comes to all of us whether we are disabled or not.

    The children are still quite young to cope with the life he is proposing. He shouldn't kid himself that it won't affect the kids. With the family I quoted earlier the child felt unable to choose a university away from home as they had a sense of responsibility for the mother, carers are great but the kids will almost inevitably feel a burden of responsibility. This man chose to have children with a woman who was disabled and 5 years later is off. Sorry I think that is awful behaviour.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    Let's just return again to the first word of the title - 'considering'.

    I'm still making up my mind whether its something I am going to put up and shut up with (as so many other posters kindly indicate is the best approach in their opinion) - or more likely that we go to visit relate (as I have stated is my intention several times).

    So the preparations are for something that may not occur so its not relevant yet.
    I really can't understand how someone could write that letter and then say they are only 'considering' leaving.
  • Westminster
    Westminster Posts: 1,004
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    I really can't understand how someone could write that letter and then say they are only 'considering' leaving.

    Primarily due to the various reasons already stated above by various other posters (and obviously being on my mind before I came here).

    The fallout for my wife & children is what is stopping me just up and leaving.

    There is obviously no easy answer as demonstrated by my own unclear thought process in this matter and the lack of one unifying 'solution' posted in the last 110 replies.
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