Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

When I got my first job after uni my parents and I agreed that I would pay 10% of my take-home. I thought this was a bargain (and (on not much over the minimum wage) I thought I was loaded! Bless!)... I must confess I didn't offer to pay more but I was paying off my overdraft and rebuilding my savings.


Mum said that when the 10% got larger than a monthly mortgage payment it would encourage me to move out. In our area, pre-housing crash, the idea of 10% of my wages exceeding a mortgage payment was optimistic, to say the least...


Even though it wasn't a realistic "rent" amount I'm glad they did it as it meant I didn't take my bed and board for granted (and if they wanted to spend it on luxuries I would have been completely fine with that).

My kids are only young, so don't have to worry about this yet. But I have it in my head that, if I can afford it, then I will let them live in my house for free while they are still studying (hopefully they won't be studying forever...), but they would probably have to get a job to pay for other expenses and special food and the like.

I regret not doing a degree and because I live on the outskirts of London, it's not like they have to move out to "go the big city."

On the flip side, my Mum and Dad charged me £100 back in 1999 when I was 18. Think my brother was still only paying this in 2011 when he moved out.

takman wrote: »

The people who are comparing the amount to how much it would cost to rent a room in the area are completely missing the point!.

When you rent a room from someone they are making a good profit from it. I don't think a parent should aim to make a good profit from their children paying lodge.

If you want your children to pay their way then you should sit down with them and work out how much of each bill they should be responsible for. For example them living there won't cause the mortgage/rent to increase. But there will be a small increase in electricity for example; but not by much. If they don't buy there own food then a proportion of the food bill should be included etc.
Once you calculated this then a fair amount can be paid to the parents and it will help them understand the cost of living.

Simply saying they should pay £200 a month doesn't help them understand anything about the cost of living and it could be way to much for someone who buys all their own toiletries and food. It could also be way to little for someone who doesn't buy anything and their parents still even buy their clothes, takeaways and entertainment.


Another theme that seems popular is secretly saving the money for them and giving it to them as a house deposit. This in my view is pointless and you should be working with your children to encourage them to save and get the best interest rates.
Secretly saving money for them is something you do for a very young child who you don't trust to not blow all their money.

Actually, I think comparing it to what renting a room would cost is an extremely valid point, particularly where the question is from the adult child. Regardless of whether the parent is making a profit or not, if the 'child' is paying less than they would to rent elsewhere then they are getting a good deal.

The issue of whether a parent should make any profit from having an adult child living in their home is I think a different one. I don't think that there is necessarily anything morally wrong with them doing so, once the child has reached the point of being an independent adult, I think it is a personal choice for the parents.

Most parents want what is best for their children. Whether they decide that what is best is to subsidise their child financially well into adulthood, or to expect them to be wholly financially independent, or something in between, is a matter of personal choice and will also vary a huge amount depending on the parents own experiences, their financial position (actual and perceived) and their needs and plans, as well as the child's circumstances and attitudes.

If the child is only charges the extra on the bills, as you seem to suggest, they aren't really getting a real feel for costs of living as they are not paying any rent.

I do think that it is a good idea for parents to talk to children about finances and budgeting from an early age,at a level they can understand,so that by the time a child leaves school they already understand abut costs of living, budgeting, saving etc, and I also think it is reasonable to discuss with the adult child why you have come to the figure you have.

£200 a month for full board and lodging is a bargain.
However we don't know the income of the writer, and how the extra payment is going to effect savings for his/her own home.
Anyone living at home "all in" should have spoken with mother to see if the rent was adequate, and taken the initiative to see that she was not subsidising them to her loss. Love is a two-way street after all.
Speak to mother, might get a shock if she shows annual cost of council tax, electricity, water rates, and the weekly shop for food. Better still, go food shopping with her and see the bill for even basic food, could get a nasty surprise!

I would think the mother would give a months notice before payment. As stated before we do not know the financial status of both. Frankly £25 a week is a pittance! Also mother's would not charge more than the young adult could afford. Remember the person was contributing only £25 a week for a year. Common sense would dictate it may be going up. Also it was a request for £50 a week. I am sure they would discuss it.What young adult would question what the parents spend the money on?