When is infidelity infidelity?

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  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,834 Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    Well indeed

    And, of course, not judging others is good too

    I came across this earlier. I think there is quite a bit in it (for some people obviously!)



    Marriage and flirting


    Healthy flirting in a marriage can help make the relationship stronger by infusing fun and spice. Flirting does not always have to be in the context of being sexual as it can be within the limits of marriage values. Healthy flirting outside marriage means having good interactions and conversations accompanied with harmless teasing but nothing physical. Flirting can also help know yourself, that how interesting and appealing you can be and you can bring your high spirits back home to your spouse which can put the zing back in your marriage. Getting to know someone, having good conversation and sharing a few laughs will only help you and your marriage.
    Interesting but I still disagree. To me flirting is about finding the other person attractive and seeing if it's reciprocated which is inappropriate when married to someone else.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • System
    System Posts: 178,094 Community Admin
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    Well indeed

    Flirting can also help know yourself, that how interesting and appealing you can be and you can bring your high spirits back home to your spouse which can put the zing back in your marriage. Getting to know someone, having good conversation and sharing a few laughs will only help you and your marriage.
    As long as I am content with the way I look and my man finds me appealing I couldn't care less what other men think of me. Maybe if I was dating it would be different.

    Having a good conversation and a few laughs doesn't mean your flirting. It means your just being friendly.. depending on the tone of the conversation of course.
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    Interesting but I still disagree. To me flirting is about finding the other person attractive and seeing if it's reciprocated which is inappropriate when married to someone else.

    It would be boring if we all thought the same! No discussion boards for a start......

    As I said earlier the key words in Judi's definition were "playfully, without serious intention" That's how I see flirting, too.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,094 Community Admin
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    It would be boring if we all thought the same! No discussion boards for a start......

    As I said earlier the key words in Judi's definition were "playfully, without serious intention" That's how I see flirting, too.
    But what would happen if the person you were flirting with was attracted to you? You, who have fulfilled your 'needs' could have been said to have led them on.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,834 Forumite
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    Judi wrote: »
    But what would happen if the person you were flirting with was attracted to you? You, who have fulfilled your 'needs' could have been said to have led them on.

    That's what I'm thinking too.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    Judi wrote: »
    As long as I am content with the way I look and my man finds me appealing I couldn't care less what other men think of me. Maybe if I was dating it would be different.

    Having a good conversation and a few laughs doesn't mean your flirting. It means your just being friendly.. depending on the tone of the conversation of course.

    Sure - which is why I said there was something in it for some people.

    Personally, I like to be appealing to other people (and, of course, that is not only about physical attraction) and it's very nice when I strike up a good rapport with a woman. I do care what other women think of me - although there is only one who I want to be in a relationship with.

    But that's me and you have an alternative take on it. As you said earlier (I think) different strokes for different folks
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    Judi wrote: »
    But what would happen if the person you were flirting with was attracted to you? You, who have fulfilled your 'needs' could have been said to have led them on.

    Not sure where fulfilling my needs comes into it but still.....

    In my experience (and I know a few expert flirts) the vast majority of people are pretty well attuned to what's going on. Most see it for what it is - a bit of harmless fun. I think also that flirts have generally got a very good sense of how the other person is reacting. It's sort of part of their DNA. You know not to go too far. Flirts do best with other flirts!

    I've seen a few "car crashes" over the years. The majority from people who just got it completely wrong. Some horrible misreading of signals (mostly by men!). They had little to do with flirting

    I'd be silly to say it could never happen, of course. If it did then you'd have to put your hands up and clear the air immediately. You can't stop being attracted to someone - nor someone being attracted to you (which happens without any flirting too). What you can control is how you act on that attraction
  • Anyicaleb
    Anyicaleb Posts: 5 Forumite
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    If the man is not bold enough to chat with the random woman when the wife is around means he has alot up his sleeves. There's no need beating around the bush, he's having an affair, or considering doing so. Period.
  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
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    Anyicaleb wrote: »
    If the man is not bold enough to chat with the random woman when the wife is around means he has alot up his sleeves. There's no need beating around the bush, he's having an affair, or considering doing so. Period.

    Not sure how you work that one out?
    Perhaps his wife is no longer fun to flirt with? That wouldn't be his fault surely? If he broached the subject then he would be deemed as controlling, if he just submitted and 'accepted' his wife is the best thing since sliced bread he'd be deemed a loser :eek:
    I guess he is enjoying his one life the best he knows how.
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755 Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    It would be boring if we all thought the same! No discussion boards for a start......

    As I said earlier the key words in Judi's definition were "playfully, without serious intention" That's how I see flirting, too.

    But what if the person with whom you are flirting 'playfully, without serious intention' takes it seriously? Don't you think it is giving out wrong messages?
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
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