Changing habits, wanting freedom

Hi Dolphin, sorry to hear that I hope you’re feeling better soon! It’s hardly been riveting stuff so far!
I haven’t got the membership yet which is good as not been able to go all week! It’s a lot of money but when I normally go 4 times a week it works out better value to get the membership. Come February when I have been a permanent member of staff for a year I will get £200 I can put towards it which would massively reduce it. I think I need to do it as it really helps me but I also have to recognise that health benefits aside it is a luxury and when feeling sorry for myself for having no money I need to recognise that I have chosen to spend that on myself in that way if that makes sense?
I got a lift into work today with OH as working an event tonight so work will pay for a taxi home and I didn’t want to cycle into work and have to leave my bike here. I was sat thinking of the debt while OH stressed me out talking about the expensive car he should be allowed to buy (constant argument in our house) at moment still repaying my dad monthly for the car we have as he loaned us the money so that we wouldn’t pay interest. When we borrowed this money also borrowed an extra £700 to pay off the credit card……. Payed it off and since then have allowed it to grow to £6000 in 18 months, I was horrified when I realised. We just continued to live as if I had my old wage. Anyway no point beating myself up have now payed £600 off and have a little pot of savings towards car insurance etc that we normally put on a 0% card. I realised to get us out of this mess I couldn’t just focus on repaying the debt if come April would end up sticking a load more on……
So my point was, sitting in the car I thought about my ridiculous budgets. Yes we probably can pay off the amount I would like to each month. But I normally pay off a chunk and then realise I don’t have enough to live on as I haven’t actually changed my habits or spending. So this month gonna pay off the minimum to debt at beginning and then focus on how I can save money all month and move it across to savings. I need to focus on changing the habits and spending.
Pretty sure I should have had this epiphany 6 months ago when I began reading the diaries but better late than never!

Had a very busy weekend, worked late at an event on Friday night, free food and drinks and taxi I can claim on expenses so fairly frugal, then on Saturday I went to my sisters engagement dinner and her fianc!s parents, they are very well off and we had delicious food and incredibly wine without spending a penny except for petrol, stayed at my sisters that night. But it went wrong the next day as we had pub lunch (£20 for me and OH) and due to hangover had a takeaway at night (£15) so that is £35 I didn’t have and didn’t need to spend. It’s spent now so trying not to beat myself up over it and just learn from the occasion, could have easily suggested we just had lunch at my sisters and made something simple for dinner. Hungover me is incredibly lazy it turns out. A good friend agreed to spend the night looking after our dogs so got her a bottle of wine and £10 for take away – all very worth it as the puppy is not 100% house trained yet so it is quite an ask for people to look after them.





So food continues to be terrible – not just bad food for my health but bought lunches! Spent months brining it in every day and then with getting very down I seem to have lost the plot! So meal planning is my aim for this weekend ready for the next few weeks, OH will be eating dinner at home more so need to plan in around his shifts. Made a veggie stir fry last night (also planning on learning some veggie recipes to save some money) and made enough for lunch and then OH came home and ate it! He hardly eats at home so struggle planning it in – am amazed he ate something vegetation though with no complaints so it is a win of sorts! But it now means I have to buy lunch today – so I am going to buy some lettuce wraps and cooked chicken – will cost about £6 but I can keep it all at work for my lunches this week instead of spending £3 on lunch just for today and then the way I am going I could end up doing that every day this week.


I think your right Honey I normally try and change every behaviour at once and then fail and completely stop. So cycling to work and back and yoga feel pretty easy and ingrained now so next step is food! Will meal plan and print off some veggie recipes, I often just through whatever I have together and although easy sometimes a bit boring and lacking in flavour I’m sure if it is tastier that it will help.


I also have a big decision to make by Friday. I have been suffering with worsening depression for most of this year (has been a hellish year for family and a fall out with someone I was very close to due to them becoming a bully to someone else) for the first time ever (I have had ups and downs over the years) my doctor has asked if I would consider medication. I don’t know what to do, me and the OH have talked about trying for a baby at some point but what if I was still on medication? You have to be on it for 6 months after you feel better. Don’t want to put off having a child but also know I have to be better to do it as I know it makes everything harder. Change my mind min to min of what I want to do……..

Hi Dolphin
Save congratulations until the meal planning is actually done haha… printed off some tasty veggy recipes so will look at ingredients to grab them at the end of the week.
Think I have decided to not go down the medication route yet. I have also been reading all the news stories about hormonal contraception and the effect this can have, so I think will talk to doctor about looking if that could be making a difference first. She is one of those doctors who would look at medication as a last resort… she has also signed me up for this online CBT thing which is offered now. Not as one on one but won’t be waiting 6 months to start. Really ready to try anything that might help.
On money front spent £9 yesterday to get stuff for my lunches this week and will be enough to take home for weekend too def better than rubbish Mr T meal deals every day. Just had delivery from abel & Cole for veg and fruit plus meat and fish and the tastiest milk ever. Sadly couldn’t afford it every week although would like to look at more ethically sourcing our food – maybe if I manage to do mostly veggy I could look at it but they are doing great offer where you get discount on first box then £10 voucher for second, recipe book for third and the fourth box is free. Just got the little boxes but will be getting the largest one for the fourth! Used some of the veg to make a version of the Chicken pie from Joe Wicks Lean in 15 book which I am obsessed with – although is very meat centric.
Other than that no spends, cycled in and out of work and got some general household stuff done after work – made myself a little schedule for the week as I am much more motivated if can cross a task of the list. Tonight I have left over dinner so just need to dog walk, put away all the dry clothes (we don’t iron unless absolutely have to) and tidy the spare bedroom. My plan is to get more done in the week so can enjoy my weekends more and get out and about – hopefully helping the depression.
Feel almost positive today :rotfl:

Oooops bit of an absence!





So since last Wednesday, having my daily tasks working really well and making me do small amounts each night so can enjoy my weekend! Had Friday off work spent small amount on a taxi to go to Dr and see my mum and then ended up helping her with getting stuff into the loft. OH finished at 5pm which is a lovely change from never being home before 9 so we made dinner and got on the sofa to watch a film! Perfect and cheap


Saturday was less good…. Did some house stuff and then drove with the family over to see my grandparents, better than expected afternoon with them and then came back had dinner at my mums and met OH, a friend, my sister and her new bf in a bar. Arrived and realised had left my phone in the taxi. Frantically rang them and they said could speak to lost property tomorrow, eventually persuaded him to let me book the taxi so he could bring it back… half an hour in cold waiting and £5 to the taxi and I got it back! So not ideal but could have ended up a lot more expensive! Shared wine with my sister and OH had a few drinks so not hugely spendy evening but then have no money for anything really even though it was day after pay day. Ended up in my overdraft last month so paying that back is leaving me a bit short. Sunday was much cheaper, lovely dog walk and then my dad bought me lunch. Did a tesco shop for loads of house stuff we had run out off and ingredients for all my vegetarian plans. Spent £60 but considering what I got and that a lot of the spices etc I won’t need to buy again for a long while.


I then made a lentil daal (not sure of spelling) a winter slaw to go in wraps, and my own falafels. Freezer still has so much meat in so have bean having vegetation lunches and meat with dinner with OH. Going well and saving pennies!


Plans for this month:


Use up all the meat in the freezer and try have more vegetarian meals


Keep on with nightly jobs


Keep up with bringing lunch to work


Keep on cycling to and from work to save money


NO takeaways!!





So this is the plan, I have decided to get the yoga membership especially when discovered can be cancelled any time so as long as still going loads (going to a workshop on Saturday included in my membership )


Applying for a different job at my work , would be more money if not should get a pay rise soon so should all help!


Big expenses this month:


OH going to Europe for couple of days (flights and hotel paid for by work)


Me going to London to celebrate a v good friends 40th


Another friends birthday next Saturday which me and OH both going to… he is more the concern as tends to spend A LOT … will remind him that his trip abroad should be priority





Overall feeling much more positive even if still having quite difficult downs … waiting to hear still on CBT