Son to visit other parent advice pls

System · 13 July 2017 at 1:08PM

She has already proved to be dishonest and you need not do all the bending!

This... please take the advice of the Social Workers.

scd3scd4 · 13 July 2017 at 1:19PM

Judi wrote: »

This... please take the advice of the Social Workers.

I would not be leaving the sole responsibility of my child with strangers. They never make mistakes do they!? I also use my own discernment. Even more so with a person who has a history of lying.

Getting profession advise also. Is taken as read. Or there would be no need for the OP to post here and anyone to comment.

Mojisola · 13 July 2017 at 1:22PM

mutley74 wrote: »

Son has live with me for 11 years, he is now aged 15.

His mum lives a far away and does not keep much relationship with him.

Last time he went a few years back, he did not get on with her family, something happened and he was very upset. She did not support him at all then.

I think it would be normal when re-establishing a relationship with an absent parent that the meetings are just between the parent and child rather than the extended family in one go. Perhaps ask the social workers about this?

Your son may accept the restrictions more easily if they are seen as coming from them.

chesky · 13 July 2017 at 1:26PM

Are you going through the normal arguments and moodies with your son right now? If so, it's hard for you to put your foot down about things like having an address for him, without seeming like an ogre. Much muttering then ensues and the 'it's not fair' routine comes into play.

I personally would want certain assurances, the main one being you know where he is. No address, no visit. But of course, as others have said, she may give you a false one.

badmemory · 13 July 2017 at 1:31PM

How many on here would allow their 15 year old to stay overnight with a school friend with no idea of the address? That would likely be within walking distance. Well I wouldn't have done. The other side of the country - I think not. After her lying about the address last time I would expect to at least see an up to date utility bill.

I'm just wondering if this is more about a teenage rebellion thing rather than an actual desire to see his mother.

mutley74 · 13 July 2017 at 1:43PM

badmemory wrote: »

I'm just wondering if this is more about a teenage rebellion thing rather than an actual desire to see his mother.

possibly, his request shocked me, a request to spend a week or more with her, completely out of the blue, Although he did ask to spend a few weeks last summer holidays (and xmas hols) but she told him she had holiday plans with her new family already.
I think he wants to see her, maybe another opportunity to catch up on life, relationship etc., but she is being difficult.

AylesburyDuck · 13 July 2017 at 2:27PM

I'm afraid if he were my son he wouldnt be going,as it stands, i'd be staying completely honest with him about the why's and wherefores, however unless "proof" of an address was forthcoming, then it's basically a safety issue and the buck stops with you.
It's a tricky age, but transparency is key here, if the woman is an utter nightmare like she sounds then if he see's all the facts of her attitude it may well change his mind.But he needs the facts, just the facts minus the emotion, or any influence on your part. Kids arnt stupid.
Good luck, stick to your guns though, safety first.

Fireflyaway · 13 July 2017 at 2:37PM

I wouldn't let him go. No matter what happened between you and her, she needs to realise her sons safety and wellbeing comes first. The housing could be totally unsuitable ( shared with undesirable people) and what happens if you need to contact your son or other way around.
If she has legitimate reasons, suggest speaking to her social service team and see if they can mediate or find a local support group or charity that can. He is a child and you are responsible for his welfare.

System · 13 July 2017 at 3:19PM

scd3scd4 wrote: »

I would not be leaving the sole responsibility of my child with strangers. They never make mistakes do they!? I also use my own discernment. Even more so with a person who has a history of lying.

Of course not, but in this instance they are right.

I already have spoken to them, and they made it clear as he is under 18 I am fully responsible for his care as main carer. Therefore, need to know details of where he will be staying, and have the right to refuse if she does not cooperate.

So it should be.

If it was my child hell would freeze over before i let my child go on a trip to the unknown. It isnt as though you could get to him quickly if things go wrong.

Loz01 · 13 July 2017 at 3:46PM

Like someone else said, you wouldn't let him go to a friends house 250 miles away without knowing the address, so why would you let him go now? Yes she's the mother but you're the parent with care. What if theres an accident or huge problem and you have no idea where they actually are? How ridiculous of her.

Cant you message her and say "I have no interest at all in coming to your house or knowing where you live, this is just a safety precaution as our son is under 18 and I should know where he is in case of emergency"

Son to visit other parent advice pls

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