Debt and Mental Health - How have your debts affected you?

Hi

I’m not in debt yet but I’ve been battling a severe depression and anxiety now for about 6 years.
When I start to feel my anxiety rising I’ve been buying, then I regret it then I feel worse. I’ve got a house full of craft stuff and the strange thing is that my “stuff” can settle me down sometimes.

I really don’t know what way to turn really. I’ve recently had a course of counseling with a psychologist who was dealing with a stuck bereavement issue and unfortunately that’s all she was dealing with. I’ve seen a psychiatrist, a dreadful man who’s dismissive manner towards me made me feel worse about myself. He’d happily talk to DH but barely spoke to me and when he did he was so condescending.

I can’t sell my stuff I’ve crafted as I’m just not good enough. When you have to complete with the Etsy talent or on eBay the cheap Chinese stuff making money from crafting is just not the way to go. I’m also physically disabled now so I can do stuff on days I feel physically or mentally ok.

I’m just really worried that my spending is going to quickly tear through what savings we have left. I think in 3 tears I’ve spent the best part of 20k and I’m so ashamed. I’ve spent all the lump sum I got from my pensions from being medically retired from word.

Quite honestly. I despise myself.
I’ve no idea why I’ve even posted but mental health definitely affects spending. When I wS well I was frugal and careful and was able to save a nice nest egg but that’s gone now. I really am scared I go through the bit that’s left which will be needed if we manage to get a social house.

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Credit is a trap that I and many others have fallen into and it's very hard to get free when the whole system seems designed to keep you in debt. I wish that when I was 19 I had known what I know now .

I certainly think there should be lessons on the national curriculum about eating, drinking & spending responsibly. With an exam & league tables (which maybe also take into account ex pupils health and wealth).

It is really hard to be successful without borrowing money at some point these days.

sirius60 wrote: »

I am just completely stuck I can't just get on and do it without her I need her to get involved but the thought of it just sends her spiralling down .

The next time she seems to be amenable to dealing with it, don't try to get it done as quickly as possible before she changes her mind because it will just instantly overwhelm her. Instead talk to her about how she feels about the debt, talk about what it means to her etc. Don't point out that if she doesn't deal with it that it will become a huge problem (even though we all know it will).

Sometimes by caring, you become part of the problem. If she feels supported by you then eventually she might be able to deal with it.

mudgekin wrote: »

When I start to feel my anxiety rising I’ve been buying, then I regret it then I feel worse. I’ve got a house full of craft stuff and the strange thing is that my “stuff” can settle me down sometimes.

This isn't strange, this is quite normal (as far as normal goes). It's just not healthy. Like the cakes/biscuits/sweets that makes you feel good but give you diabetes. You need to find healthy ways to settle yourself down.

mudgekin wrote: »

I really don’t know what way to turn really. I’ve recently had a course of counseling with a psychologist who was dealing with a stuck bereavement issue and unfortunately that’s all she was dealing with. I’ve seen a psychiatrist, a dreadful man who’s dismissive manner towards me made me feel worse about myself. He’d happily talk to DH but barely spoke to me and when he did he was so condescending.

Have you tried a 12 step programme? There are probably others but a google search came up with http://debtorsanonymous.org.uk/, sometimes talking to other people who have the same issues can really help. Talking to professionals who have a degree and whose only experience is on the other side of the table doesn't always help.

Even if you don't believe in god (all 12 step programmes seem to be about handing your will over to the god of your understanding) then spending time with and talking to people going through the same thing as you can help.

mudgekin wrote: »

I can’t sell my stuff I’ve crafted as I’m just not good enough. When you have to complete with the Etsy talent or on eBay the cheap Chinese stuff making money from crafting is just not the way to go. I’m also physically disabled now so I can do stuff on days I feel physically or mentally ok.

When you're not feeling good then it's easy to pin your hopes on a dream, having the clarity of mind that you're not good enough is a positive. Some people will patronise you and say you should just keep your hopes up, I'd just say keep doing the craft stuff if it makes you happy but don't worry if it's no good and you can't sell it. A lot of successful artists have doubts about their abilities, as do a lot of unsuccessful artists.

Maybe write a blog about your journey and show off what you've made, maybe you can make money from that if you get enough visitors or maybe that will be something you do and moved on from because you didn't get what you needed from it.

If you have a large amount of craft materials, then you could just sell those at a local craft fair or maybe start a community craft group & advertise it with charities like mind as they are always looking for groups to refer people to.

The important thing is to not overload yourself and also do not think that something will miraculously save you, so don't try to spend a lot of money to achieve something because your judgement is skewed.

mudgekin wrote: »

I’m just really worried that my spending is going to quickly tear through what savings we have left. I think in 3 tears I’ve spent the best part of 20k and I’m so ashamed. I’ve spent all the lump sum I got from my pensions from being medically retired from word.

Quite honestly. I despise myself.

Forgive yourself, you're entitled to make mistakes. You absolutely have to do that, but then try to learn from your mistakes. You can't change the past so don't dwell on it, but if you want to change how you deal with things in the future then it's certainly possible.

mudgekin wrote: »

I’ve no idea why I’ve even posted but mental health definitely affects spending. When I wS well I was frugal and careful and was able to save a nice nest egg but that’s gone now. I really am scared I go through the bit that’s left which will be needed if we manage to get a social house.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards getting better. Put some boundaries in place, like you won't buy anything when you don't feel well, then it will stop shame spirals from dragging you down further. 12 step programmes are a good way of keeping you honest, but talking to family is also good.

I've had my own issues and am storing boxes of things that I need to somehow recover money from, so I do understand. It does get easier.

The 2 are definitely linked; yet it's not really acknowledged with the links of Mind etc.: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/causes/ (not saying because it's not on there that it's not mentioned anywhere - I work in this industry and there's very little out there that ties the two together)

Ask anyone in debt are they happy, and they might put on a brave face but deep down they're broken. I've had the same issue for years - I've had to change jobs just to keep my head above water paying off debts, and as each one as been paid off and I've had a bit more money every month there's been a considerable improvement in my mood, so much so that others are noticing it too.

I wish there was more help/support out there especially from the high street banks.

I believe it’s both ways..stress/depression/anxiety can lead you to overspend and equally overspending can increase depression/anxiety/stress etc. Good luck to anyone going through this.