Advice please... Very pushy woman at the Church my wife goes to. (Very long post.)

I do appreciate all the advice and posts on here, and I understand that most people think my wife should contact this woman and explain that she isn't depressed and hasn't got masses of problems, and that she is just a bit preoccupied with life at the moment, and that she hopes she's not offended, but she will stick to withdrawing from the Group.

And I get that ignoring the woman and not responding is perhaps not the best option. (Even though it's what she felt like doing earlier, as she felt pestered by the woman at the time.)

Have to say though, that although some people are saying she should have just said 'I don't want to come anymore,' and 'it's not for me, I don't like it, I am not keen on the people etc,' I find it hard to believe that all the people saying my wife should have said all this, would have said this themselves.

I know people like to think they are assertive and would have said this and that, but I very much doubt they would. Maybe one or two people would have, but many wouldn't... I reckon 2 out of 3 people saying my wife should have just said 'I don't wanna come, I am bored with it, not for me, don't like the people,' would not have said it themselves and would have also made a lame excuse, rather than be honest.

And as I have said several times, if my wife HAD said this, the woman would have just come up with a solution or an alternative. My wife had to make it clear - somehow - that she was not up for ANYthing.

I should probably add that when my wife first joined, this woman kept asking her to come to the Church 'House group' and to a 'ladies group,' and she was asked if she could volunteer to join in with the kids group on a Tuesday morning, (as she wasn't working at the time.) And also a few other things. She just kept asking...

My wife would say 'no sorry, Tuesdays are hard for me (as this was the first thing that came to her mind,) and the woman would say 'well, house group is on a Monday, so come to that, then when she made some excuse for that, the woman would say ummmmmm, and then say 'well ladies group is on a Friday.' No matter what my wife said, this woman would come up with a solution or a reason why she can do this instead, or that instead.

I am mentioning this, as it may go some way to explain why she said 'I am very busy and have a lot on at the moment, and can't commit to ANYTHING.' This closed down any possibilities for this woman to suggest something else. But now of course, she is (apparently) 'concerned...'

So I guess my wife better contact her and just say firmly that she won't be coming back, and will not be participating in any other group, and she will just see her at Church, seeing as the woman didn't get the message from her letter.

Also wanted to add... someone my wife knows from Church and who we see at the pub occasionally, started coming to Church with her husband when they moved into the village about 1.5 years ago. He was all full of it, volunteering for everything in the Church, handing out the books on the way in, helping arrange the flowers, doing tea duty, and making sarcastic remarks when my wife didn't go for 3 weeks once. 'Thought you'd emigrated we haven't seen you for so long!'

SHE was pretty smug too and took her bible everywhere, and waffled verses from it to my wife, and said 'which book is this from?' as a 'test.'

Then out of the blue, after about a year, HE stopped coming. Just stopped. The regulars that have been going for years, kept asking what was wrong and when he is coming back. The woman was just red faced and looked awkward, and said 'he is just struggling at the moment... Life has been stressful and he is just wanting some time out.'

Half a year later, he still doesn't go.

Upshot is, he was never a believer at all, and didnt give a stuff about Jesus. He just came to the Church to 'fit in' in the village. Then after a while, he realised he didn't need to do that, and so couldn't be bothered anymore.

It stopped his wife being so darned smug though! But yeah, even now, this woman still winces if someone says 'he still isn't here then?!' Even 6 months later, people are still questioning it.

I know that some Church people are the 'concerned' type, but there is a fine line between 'concerned' and actually being overbearing, and pestering people.

And there is nothing 'misogynistic' about saying 'annoying pushy woman,' nor am I an annoying pushy husband. I am just trying to get advice for my wife. No idea WHY these 2 posters felt the need to berate me like this, but hey ho. Guess I have to take the rough with the smooth on here. The good and helpful comments on here have massively outweighed comments like this.

Thanks again everyone who gave good and helpful advice and constructive criticism. I do appreciate all the help, and I agree that my wife needs to contact this woman, otherwise she will just keep pestering her.