Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

I charge my son £100 a week and where I live that is a bargain. The cheapest one bed flat to buy is £200,000 and they come with very large service charges and ground rent. Rental flats could easily be twice what I charge him.

Unbeknownst to him I have not spent a penny of his rent but have saved it for a flat or house deposit. I did the same for his sister who has now bought a house with her partner. I sympathise with any parents who need to charge their adult children rent because they need the money for essentials but I find it shocking that parents would charge 'keep' to downsize their own jobs or to spend the money on holidays or selfish indulgences.

It is not good for young adults to live for free for several reasons:-

-They need to learn to pay their way and to be financially responsible
-They need to know their wages are not just pocket money for splurging
-Without paying 'keep' the difference between price of living at home free and moving out and being totally independent is too much like a cliff edge. It might even prove prohibitive and keep the young adult at home
-Only children are kept by their parents. Not to encourage a young adult to pay his or her way is to keep them in a state of prolonged infancy

That said, with the housing and mortgage market the way they are I can see little chance for my son to move out without finding a partner to share a mortgage with.

When I started work - many years ago - it was accepted that we would pay 50% of our take home pay into the family pot. I imagine that these days £200 is considerably less than half your take home pay so do the decent thing and contribute to family finances or move out and go it alone. For those who say would never charge their children sorry but they have to learn about life and gain a sense of responsibility!

Yes. £200 per month is £46.15 per week. That is an extremely reasonable figure for rent, gas, electricity, house phone, water, council tax, tv licence and broadband, and I imagine, food, cleaning and laundry service too. Perhaps the reason for the sudden increase is it's been a year since you started earning and it's time to apportion costs more realistically, as she let you off lightly in the beginning. Or she's trying to hint it's time for you to find your own place and is preparing you for a more realistic rent than the £23.07 per week you're currently paying. Or perhaps you're taking advantage and not helping out with your share of the household chores. Or she's no longer in a position to subsidise you. (More info needed, as usual.)

Whatever the reasons, £46.15 is a pittance, and I'd suggest paying up without complaint. By all means, choose a good time and have an unemotional chat about finances, but keep in mind what you would expect to pay if not living with your mum, and remember to factor in all the possible extras such as lifts, prepared meals, laundry, cleaning and general goodwill.

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

You should do what my father did when he started working 80 years ago. Give all your wages to your mother and let her decide how much pocket money to give you.

My grandma has done that to my dad, took all his wages and gave him for bus fare only. His aunt believed it was unfair and talked to my grandma about it, but been told to mind her own business. Aunt offered my dad to move in with her, she lived in town, where he worked, so it was closer for him anyway. He did it and stayed at his auntie's until he married. He contributed to aunt's household, but not as much as his parents. Grandma and aunt were on not very nice terms for a long while.

Teacher2 wrote: »

I charge my son £100 a week and where I live that is a bargain. The cheapest one bed flat to buy is £200,000 and they come with very large service charges and ground rent. Rental flats could easily be twice what I charge him.

Unbeknownst to him I have not spent a penny of his rent but have saved it for a flat or house deposit. I did the same for his sister who has now bought a house with her partner. I sympathise with any parents who need to charge their adult children rent because they need the money for essentials but I find it shocking that parents would charge 'keep' to downsize their own jobs or to spend the money on holidays or selfish indulgences.

It is not good for young adults to live for free for several reasons:-

-They need to learn to pay their way and to be financially responsible
-They need to know their wages are not just pocket money for splurging
-Without paying 'keep' the difference between price of living at home free and moving out and being totally independent is too much like a cliff edge. It might even prove prohibitive and keep the young adult at home
-Only children are kept by their parents. Not to encourage a young adult to pay his or her way is to keep them in a state of prolonged infancy

That said, with the housing and mortgage market the way they are I can see little chance for my son to move out without finding a partner to share a mortgage with.

100% agree with this and putting the money aside for them to use as a deposit on a house is exactly what I would do if my sons decide to stay at home whilst working. Like you say, not everyone is in a position to do that and I sympathise with those that are not. Like you say, your child shouldn't be subsidising your lavish lifestyle.

One thing I would do differently is rather than set a fixed amount I would set it at as percentage of their earnings, probably around a 1/3. What they give to me goes up as and when they get pay increases. This is more aligned to the "real world" of pay rises and inflation. I'd also encourage them to save some of what's left of their money so they learn the value of putting money aside for when it's needed or they want to treat themselves, and not relying upon credit.