Wedding/dealing with mother

tea_lover · 1 March 2017 at 3:28PM

thorsoak wrote: »

It's GlasweJen's wedding, for heaven's sake! Her mum is being a complete wind-up merchant and sadly, the pressure is getting to GlasweJen.

The mum does sound like a bit of a nightmare (and wedding stress certainly can be a PITA too). I think what people are saying though is if you have a parent that you know is going to be interfering and trouble-making, why take a large amount of money from them and then wonder that they want their own way?!

Yes, in an ideal world the money wouldn't come with strings, but if someone has been a pain your entire life they're unlikely to suddenly change when you add a wedding into the mix.

Pollycat · 1 March 2017 at 3:30PM

thorsoak wrote: »

It's GlasweJen's wedding, for heaven's sake! Her mum is being a complete wind-up merchant and sadly, the pressure is getting to GlasweJen.

Jen - for what it's worth, if I were in your shoes, I would send a message to your cousins, to say that sadly for H & S reasons, the venue can only take X number of people for the wedding and as your mother had not let you know that they were able to attend the numbers have been filled.

Or better still - get your MIL on board, and get her to talk to the cousins - and deal with your mother. Confide in MIL - who obviously wants the wedding to be done in "the right way" and get her to do the deed!

it's so sad when what should be a happy day turns into a nightmare x

I'd be inclined to state the truth - they didn't RSVP (pretty rude, imho) so it was assumed that they weren't going to attend.

Kirklees1992 · 1 March 2017 at 3:31PM

How exactly is wearing a high street dress sabotage?
Or wearing bridesmaid colours for her accessories sabotage?
Or complaining that the hotel charges for breakfast sabotage?

It's not sabotage. If my relationship with my mum was so poor, Id have declined the money and taken myself off to have the wedding I wanted, rather than the one my relatives wanted, really, is it worth this misery?

And it's not a nightmare, its completely fixable, as has already been suggested, her OH caused this, he can sort it out.

Kirklees1992 · 1 March 2017 at 3:32PM

The mum does sound like a bit of a nightmare (and wedding stress certainly can be a PITA too). I think what people are saying though is if you have a parent that you know is going to be interfering and trouble-making, why take a large amount of money from them and then wonder that they want their own way?!

Yes, in an ideal world the money wouldn't come with strings, but if someone has been a pain your entire life they're unlikely to suddenly change when you add a wedding into the mix.

Couldnt have put it better.

onomatopoeia99 · 1 March 2017 at 3:34PM

tea_lover wrote: »

Yes, in an ideal world the money wouldn't come with strings, but if someone has been a pain your entire life they're unlikely to suddenly change when you add a wedding into the mix.

Powerful argument for eloping I'd say. Who needs the drama?

iammumtoone · 1 March 2017 at 3:39PM

I have never planned a wedding but for those you have invited don't you check that you got a reply (either way) at least for the daytime guests (evening not so much) and chase for an answer?

What if they had sent back the RSPV as coming and it got lost in the post to you :eek: turned up and no space :eek:.

However in this case you do have the advantage of them admitting that they never got the invite so easy for you to apologise (even if you don't mean it, better to be the bigger person

) and say as you didn't get a response you assumed they couldn't make it and there is no room due to H&S (great suggest above), but they are welcome to come to the evening.

Good Luck when this is all over you won't remember any of it, or it will pale into insignificance. Just enjoy the wonderful time on your big day.

Pollycat · 1 March 2017 at 3:43PM

GlasweJen wrote: »

She's complained that she isn't included then changes the subject or plays with her phone every time my wedding is mentioned and now that we are down to single figure days to go she wants to change things to suit cousins that no one has spoken to since the last time they turned up to a wedding.

It never ceases to amaze me why people invite what are virtually complete strangers to celebratory events simply because they are family.

I've been married twice and me and husband-to-be paid for everything in both cases so it was definitely our cash - our say on invitees, venue etc.
In fact at my first wedding, we invited one cousin who we socialised with every weekend but not his brother that I'd never met and my partner hadn't seen for years.
The cousin we knew threw a strop and said he wasn't coming to the wedding if his brother wasn't invited.
We told him he and his wife had been invited because we considered them friends rather than family.
We ended by telling him he wasn't going to dictate to us who was coming to our wedding and that he was now de-invited.

Oh, the joys of paying for everything yourself.

paddy's_mum · 1 March 2017 at 5:14PM

Pollycat wrote: »

Failing that, give me and heartbreak_star your address and we'll come over and put her straight.
And trust me, it won't be pretty - but she will get the message.

I'm free then as well and I don't think it will take me long to dig out my gold and scarlet high top boxing boots and my steel-lined gloves are somewhere hereabouts...:D

GlasweJen · 1 March 2017 at 5:21PM

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Since they've already been through it, have you asked your sisters for advice on this situation?

My sisters didn't have this problem as my parents paid for everything and it was a no expense spared buy what you want instruction. When mum invited 120 people it was fine.

I don't mind that she's paying less for our wedding (well I do but more from a sibling rivalry I always get less POV and the fact she's telling people she's paying for the wedding when we've worked hard to chip in the money to top up and afford things we wanted).

The reason I took the money is because it would have hurt my dad if we didn't let them contribute. He'd usually talk sense to mum but she's not talking to him at the moment so anything he says will just inflame the situation I think.

System · 1 March 2017 at 5:41PM

1) Send message to mum saying the cousins are not invited due to not RSVP, it can't be helped, it's not the end of the world but they are invited to the evening do.

2) Try to Facebook the cousins saying that your mum thought that their places have been reserved, however this isn't the case and they are more than welcome to come for an evening do. Stress to them that you don't want them to be embarrassed by turning up early.

3) Talk to the venue about these extra people. Advise them that extra people may turn up and the venue will have to deal with them IF things get out of hand. At the end of the day...they probably deal with an unexpected guest or two nearly every wedding. I've seen people who have turned up unexpected moved to the bar for the meal.

Wedding/dealing with mother

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